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Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.



by Melissa McMahan


Aphrodite showers in with golden light, stands next to Joxer. As he picks up a scroll, she takes it away from him and sits it back down.

JOXER: Hey do you mind?!

APHR: Look studmuffin she can always go those things. Let me see?!

Aphrodite picks up a few nice items.

JOXER: Rose oil, a small looking glass and dusting powder? Is this Gabrielle?

APHR: She's like one or all of them. (Smiles) Warrior has to like dusting powder. She is a woman to you know? (Joxer grins) Yeah, you know.

JOXER: I'll get the powder for her.

Autolycus sits down and looks at Gabrielle as she spins in the red dress.

AUTO: Nice, but a little over the top isn't it?

GABBY: Oh. (Looks at Autolycus) Where's Joxer?

AUTO: He's shopping too, so I'm just gonna sit here until you two are done.

GABBY: Then you can help me pick out a dress, you know whats sexy don't you.

AUTO: You better believe it. (Scoffs) That dress says rich, not sexy. (Pauses) Try something shorter, tighter and lower at the top. (Chuckles) That will turn have him eating out of your hand which is what you want from Joxer, right? (Gabrielle gasps)

GABBY: How did you...

AUTO: Oh come on? (Laughs) All that denial?! (Pauses) I was wondering if you were ever going to figure it all out not only how he felt, but that you felt the same for the clumsy moron.

GABBY: Hey?! (Growls) Watch what you say about my man.

AUTO: Ok, I'm sorry. (Smiles) You really got it bad for him dotcha?

Gabrielle raises an eyebrow and picks up another dress. She goes in a dressing room, then Joxer comes in with Aphrodite.

APHR: Well if it wasn't who I just gave up looking for.

AUTO: Looking for me? (Looks her over) I've never had a goddess before.

APHR: Calm down beefcake, that's not what I want from you. You're hanging out with these two right? (Autolycus nods) Good keep doing that.

JOXER: Where's Gabby?

Before anyone can say anything, Gabrielle walks out in a very short skin hugging purple dress, with bare shoulders. Joxer turns the same shade upon seeing her.

APHR: I'm wearing more. (Gasps)

AUTO: What do you think Joxer?

JOXER: Oh yeah! (Gulps) Yeah!

GABBY: I'll get it. (Walks off)

APHR: She will in that. (Fades out)

AUTO: Mmm. (To Joxer) Put your tongue back in your mouth and breath.

JOXER: Huh? (Looks at Autolycus)

Autolycus laughs, then Gabrielle comes back over. They walk back to the ship, she grabs Joxer and pushes him down on a seat. She sits in his lap, as Autolycus sits across from them.

GABBY: Joxer?! (Sighs) Are you gonna say anything?

AUTO: His silence speaks scrolls. (Smiles) Look at the daze you've got him in.

GABBY: Well it won't take to long to get to Carthage. Xena will be at the dock.

AUTO: Can't wait to see her. (Snickers)


The ship sails on and it starts to get dark. It docks and as they get off they see Xena. Autolycus waves at Xena from the plank her loses his footing and falls in the water. He then mets up with his friends.

JOXER: And people say I'm clumsy? (Scoffs)

XENA: Autolycus?! (Scoffs) What's with the dress, Gabrielle?

GABBY: Oh nothing.

AUTO: So did you miss me, Xena?

XENA: Mmm.

Gabrielle gasps as she sees the widow that her and Joxer saw at the Aphrodite's Love Inn temple going on the boat. She and a man hug each other, they kiss.

GABBY: That's the woman, the widow we say.

JOXER: Hey it is, who's that guy she's kissing?

XENA: Her husband. she believed he died on a ship, he was kidnapped at forced to work on this one. That innkeeper at Aphrodite's Love Inn he was behind the whole thing. There are other men to find, but it's out of my hands now.

GABBY: So that's why you had me and Joxer stay there?!

AUTO: I'd love to hear about this, how about over something to eat?

XENA: Not so fast we have to find Aphrodite and tell her about...

Aphrodite showers in with gold light.

APHR: I already know. (Huffs) I owe you Xena and you too Joxer. (Sighs) Good help is so hard to find. (Pauses) By the way the love tarts you ate only make you stop denying what you really feel deep down inside. No spell there, just a tongue loosener. (Giggles) So you got your way studmuffin. Nothing fake about it, so don't be mad at me. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go put up a help wanted sign at my inn. (Whispers to Joxer) I'll be back soon. (Fades away)

XENA: Wait a minute what was Aphrodite talking about Joxer? Gabrielle?

GABBY: Lets just make camp tonight and we can have a talk later.

AUTO: And I can dry off. (Sneezing) Excuse me?

JOXER: Gods bless you.

They walk on and make camp. Xena goes out to catch some fish, after Autolycus changes he joins Joxer by the fire. Gabrielle writes in her scroll, until Xena returns with the fish and Joxer comes over to help her. Xena sits across from Autolycus.

JOXER: What do you want me to do?

GABBY: I'll let you know that when we are alone for more than ten minutes.

JOXER: Ok. (Sighs) What about the fish?

GABBY: Lets just cook it and get it over with. (Roars) I have to get you alone.

XENA: (Yells at Joxer and Gabrielle) Sometime before the end of time would be nice! (To Autolycus) I really wouldn't mind if you stay with us tonight. (Smiles)

AUTO: Well if it means that much to you, Xena.

GABBY: Great now we have to put up with Autolycus too.

JOXER: We'll just wait until they are sound asleep then...

GABBY: Then Xena will wake up and catch us. (Sighs)

Soon everyone is eating and talking small talk, then Gabrielle stands up.

GABBY: I think I'll go for a walk.

JOXER: Can I come too? (Gabrielle nods aand they walk away)

AUTO: Well now that those two are gone...

XENA: Forget it. (Cocks her eyebrow) I've already road Argo most of the day.

AUTO: You know what you need? (Takes her foot and pulls off her boot) A foot massage. (Pulls off her other boot) You seem so tense.

XENA: I'm a woman of action. (Autolycus rubs both her feet) Oh, yes! (Gasping) Right there. Ow! (Dryly) I have a huge knot right under my toes.

AUTO: You look like a very knoty girl to me. (Chuckles) Maybe I shouldn't stop at your feet. (Moves his hands up to her legs) Hum?

XENA: Autolycus, behave yourself. (Plays with her hair) All right?

AUTO: What if I don't? (Moves his hands up to Xena's hips) Hum?

XENA: I can show you more pain than you've ever known before. (Smiles)

AUTO: I bet you could. (Snickers) But what do I get if I behave?

XENA: You'll just have to wait and see. (Gets up) I'm gonna lay down and you can do my back. (Lays in her bed roll) There is this one spot right in the middle.

AUTO: Don't worry, your in good hands with Autolycus. I'll have you in a state of bliss before you know it.

Meanwhile Joxer and Gabrielle stop in a small clearing in the woods filled with beautiful wild flowers, she sighs. Picking a few she smells them.

GABBY: By the gods, the beauty.

JOXER: Yes you are. (Blushes) They are. (Hands Gabrielle the powder)

GABBY: Thanks, this is nice. (Hugs Joxer) We are alone at last.

Aphrodite pops in and Gabrielle backs away from Joxer.

APHR: Not quite, but I keep my promises. (Sighs) I picked the best flowers for this spot and my debt is about to be paid, right Miss Tude?

GABBY: Mmm. (Test the powder) Perhaps.

JOXER: Thanks love goddess. (Smiles) Hum, if you don't mind...

Joxer waves his arms around, as Aphrodite gets the hint and rolls her eyes. She then pops out of sight. Joxer and Gabrielle kiss and fall in the grass, there clothes get tossed up in the air. Xena gets up and does a back flip, as Autolycus smiles.

XENA: Thanks. (Sighs) I wonder what's keeping Joxer and Gabrielle?

AUTO: Those two?! (chuckles) Maybe they wanted to...

XENA: Something might of happened

AUTO: Well I don't doubt that. (Sighs) I'll go look for them, ok?

XENA: Yeah, that will take a load off. I have to go get Argo, she wondered off somewhere. (Walking off) See 'ya later.

AUTO: You bet.

Walking into the woods Autolycus hears Gabrielle giggle, then moan. He walks towards the sound and hears Joxer making some strange noises. Looking through some thin underbrush he sees Gabrielle's bare back and blonde hair.

GABBY: Oh Joxer!

AUTO: Uh,huh.

Autolycus turns and walks off, he goes back to the camp site. He sits by the fire and soon Xena walks back with Argo.

XENA: I found her. (Pets Argo) Did you find Gabrielle and Joxer?

AUTO: Oh yeah. (Smiles) And you were right something did happen.

XENA: So where are they?

Gabrielle walks from the woods with a big smile on her face.

AUTO: Gabrielle. (Chuckles)

XENA: Where's Joxer? (Raises an eyebrow and Gabrielle) Are you glowing?!

GABBY: Oh Xena, don't worry. (Sighs) I'm fine and Joxer is... Resting.

XENA: Resting? (Scoffs) From what?!

GABBY: Well we were... Um, sparring and I was a little too much for him.

XENA: I hope you didn't hurt him, don't wanna here him whine.

AUTO: You might have to get used to that Xena.

XENA: Whatever, but we have to go to sleep we have a long day ahead at sunrise we have to check out the rumors about a warlord killing villagers.

AUTO: If I can have their money, I'm in.

Xena and Gabrielle give each other the look. Xena lays down and then Joxer trips out of the woods with powder all over himself. Gabrielle smiles at him and then lays in her bedroll. Autolycus and Joxer then lays down in theirs, they go to sleep.


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