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Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.



by Melissa McMahan


Xena looked over at her two friends as she got to her feet, she seemed to be happy about something as she loaded Argo. Soon the three of them were on their way, as Gabrielle read a story from one of her scrolls. They stopped at a river to let Argo drink, then Xena grabbed her two friends around the neck.

XENA: Gabrielle, don't say anything until I'm finshed. (Pauses) Joxer you don't say anything. Now you two are going to act like man and wife, the way you two fight you already sound like you are. (Chuckles as she looks at Joxer) Joxer? (Sarcasm) I know how hard it's gonna be for you... To be married to Gabrielle for the next few days, but I'm sure Gabrielle won't mind. (Joxer grins) Gabrielle?

GABBY: Xena?! (Scoffs) What about the sleeping arrangements?!

Xena backs away and points at Gabrielle, as she smiles.

XENA: I'm glad you asked that. (Laughs) Married people stay in the same room and because someone might come in on you two... Means one bed that you have to share and spending alot of time in that room as well. You have to look like you're way too busy to leave if you know what I mean?

GABBY: What?! (Gasps and looks at Joxer) Wipe that stupid smile off your face, Joxer and you too Xena. (Growls) You want me to not only sleep in the same room alone, but you expect me to sleep in the same bed... With Joxer?! (Pauses) Oh my gods!

XENA: Yeah, you better watch out for her, Joxer. (Snickers) She might try to take advantage of you. Joxer, you and the little woman will be staying at the Aphrodite's Love Inn. You can't miss it... (Getting in Gabrielle's face) It's passion pink... (Getting in Joxer's face) And hot blooded red. (Chuckles as she walks off with Argo) Have mercy... On each other. (Walks out of sight)

GABBY: Can you believe she's done this to us?!

JOXER: I can. (Gabrielle grabs his ear) Ow! (Whimpers) Stop it!

GABBY: Look don't get any ideas. (Sighs) We might have to share a bed, that is as far as it is gonna go... Got me?! (Grabs his nose)

JOXER: Yes! Yes! (Gabrielle lets go) It'll be just another night.

GABBY: Well lets go then? (Following Joxer) But if you're going to be my husband you'll have to dress better than that. I can't have people thinking I'm a bad wife after all.

JOXER: It's like we really are married, no sex and you wanna order me around. (Gabrielle gives him the look) Just like marrage.

GABBY: How would you know, you've never been married?! (Scoffs) Keep talking like that and you never will be.

JOXER: Ha, ha! (Scoffs) I have the black leather and some of the outfit Aphrodite gave me when she put that bell spell on me.

GABBY: Either one will beat this... Um, armor you wear.

JOXER: I'll get behind these bushes and change, try to control your urge to peep in at me like you last night? (Goes into the bush)

GABBY: Oh you're funny, Joxer. (Rolls her eyes) When we get there I wanna get dinner, I'm sick of rabbit.

JOXER: Yeah me too. (Looks up through the leaves at Gabrielle) I have the pants on, but can you help me take my armor off?

GABBY: Sure. (Looking at Joxer as he walks out) Anything to get you out of this monstrosity. (Helps him take it off it clanks all the while) I don't know what's worse the clanging or the way it makes you look? You look alot better without that helmet too by the way.

JOXER: Oh? (Takes off his helmet, then his shirt) How about now?

GABBY: Just put the rest of these clothes on before your pale white skin turns as red as a beet. (Sighs) You know how you burn.

JOXER: Huh?! (Puts on his other shirt) Hows this?

GABBY: You look fine. (Walking off) Come on!

Joxer walks behind Gabrielle, she looks back at him a few times until the reach town there she takes his arm and the go into the inn.

INNKEEPER: Welcome, you two love birds, to the Love Inn.

JOXER: We should have a room under the name of Joxer the Mighty and this is the beautiful Gabrielle. (Sauve) My loving wife.

GABBY: Oh sweetheart how you do go on? (Forces a smile) Mmm.

INNKEEPER: I can tell he really loves you, such pride in his face.

GABBY: Um, sure. (Fakes a laugh) That's why I wanna get him alone in our room. (Sighs) Just can't wait.

The innkeeper shakes his finger at Gabrielle, then hands Joxer the key. The innkeeper takes their bags and follows them to the room. So Joxer opens the door, picks her up in his arms and carries her inside. The innkeeper puts the bags down, as she grabs Joxer and kisses him fully on the lips and does so until she hears the innkeeper leave. Then she stops and then looks at Joxer.

JOXER: Whoa?! (Falls backwards) Ow!

GABBY: Joxer, are you ok? (Giggles)

JOXER: I'm fine. (Gets up) I just wasn't expecting you to kiss me.

GABBY: I had to get rid of that creepy innkeeper. (Shivers) Ew!

JOXER: Look at this bed?! (Chuckles) It look like a heart.

GABBY: What?! (Scoffs) You would expect less from Aphrodite? (Lays on the bed) Pink silk sheets and red velvet pillows, it reeks of the love goddess herself. I do like the cream colored lace drapes.

JOXER: The ones on the window or the ones around the bed?

GABBY: Joxer? (Sighs) How are we gonna sleep on this bed without getting in each others way? (Groans) This is crazy!

JOXER: We'll just have to make the best of it. (Chuckles) Ok?

There's a noise at the door, so Joxer jumps in the bed with Gabrielle and they start kissing again. The innkeepers wife comes in and puts some heartshaped tarts on the table by the bed, then leaves. Gabrielle stops when she hears the door shut.

GABBY: That was close! (Pants) I swear the next time that door opens it better be because of a fire.

JOXER: Yeah, fire. (Smiles at Gabrielle) Hot fire. Hey those tarts look pretty good. (Grabs the tarts, handing one to Gabrielle) Here.

GABBY: These do look good, but what about dinner? (Takes a bite) I am really hungry, Joxer. (Eats more) Really, really hungry.

JOXER: Yeah, me too. (Smiles mischievously) I know what I'd like.

Gabrielle is too busy eatting her tart and she notices a scroll on the trunk under the window. She reaches over and gets it.

GABBY: Not mine. (Opens the scroll) It's about the inn. (Giggles) Could you finsh reading this. (Hands the scroll to Joxer) I need a good laugh while I rest and this should do it.

JOXER: Hum? (Reads it out loud) Welcome to Aphrodite's Love Inn where love is the best thing on the menu, but not the only thing sweeties. (Pauses) Enjoy the steambath in your very own love suite heated by the hotspring underneath my inn. Indulge yourself in the message suite for all those sore muscles, includes all over olive oil body rub and being gently beaten with firm reeds... (Gabrielle giggles) Then soak in mineral mud for smooth soft skin almost as smooth and as soft as Aphrodite's herself. (Gabrielle scoffs) A small temple is provided for all the offerings you have for Aphrodite. Dine on our feast of food while enjoying the feast of your lover in your own love suite. Freebes include grapes silk night wear and robes, passion flower oil, and love tarts. You're welcome mortals, with love all your love... Signed Aphrodite.

GABBY: Mmm? (Giggles) You go down and put in a food order, I'm gonna take a nap until it's ready to eat.

Joxer nods and goes out the door, as Gabrielle moves in bed to a relaxed state and sighs. Aphrodite looms in next to her without Gabrielle knowing it.

APHR: So your going to be all alone with studmuffin tonight, huh? (Giggles) I see you two ate the love tarts too. (Sighs) Oh this is just going to be too good to miss.

Aphrodite fades out in a flash of gold light. Joxer orders their food and with some time on his hands he goes into the small temple, he doesn't see the love goddess as he sits down next to her.

JOXER: It's me, again. (Scoffs) All I have is an I.O.U. for now. But I'm sure you'll like having me in the palm of your hand for a while, right? (Pauses) I appreciate you more than anyother god or goddess, Aphrodite. All I ask is that you keep me from screwing things up with Gabrielle. (Looks around) Please?

Joxer leaves and Aphrodite laughs with all her might. Joxer is given a look by the innkeeper.

INNKEEPER: Your food will be up shortly sir, we don't wanna keep you from your wife any longer.

JOXER: The poor thing is alseep, she was worn out after we... finshed. (Laughs) Well you know? (Sighs) I think I'll go wake her up now, she misses her pookie like crazy when I'm gone.

The innkeeper chucked as Joxer walked away. He opened the door and looked in at Gabrielle as she laid still, he slowly walked in closing the door behind him and slinked over to the bed.

JOXER: Gabby? (Whispers) Gods how I love you.

Gabrielle streched out her body, as Joxer's eyes grew wide from this sight that left him dazed. She cooed in her sleep, but then her eyes opened right in sight of Joxer and she gasped.

GABBY: What are you doing, Joxer?! (Sits up)

JOXER: Um, the food will be up here any moment now.

GABBY: Oh yeah. (Giggles) Well I better look like I've been resting up then.

Gabrielle gets out of bed, she looks around and behind the floor screen in one corner of the room she finds the nightwear that the guest scroll had mentioned. Joxer just stands there shocked as she flings her clothes on top of the screen. Soon she comes out with the robe on top of the nightwear but it still doesn't cover that much.

JOXER: Hmph! (Under his breath) I do not deserve this.

GABBY: What? (Sits on the bed) Joxer?

JOXER: Um, ah... Yeee... Yes.

GABBY: Come sit beside me. (Pats the bed) We have to act like were married... Remember?

JOXER: Yeah. (Sits next to Gabrielle) Ok.

Gabrielle scoffs and pulls Joxer in her lap, he smiles as she looks down at him. Aphrodite in a flood of light sits on a chair by the screan, soon the door opens. Gabrielle fondles Joxers hair and face until the innkeepers wife sits the food down then leaves.

GABBY: Well lets eat. (Slides out from under Joxer's head) Lets see what we have? (Looks at the food and gets upset) Oysters?!

JOXER: Sorry, but everything eles was just too... Um, erotic... Trust me, you don't wanna know.

GABBY: You're right. (Sighs) I don't. I shouldn't get mad at you, it's so... Aphrodite after all.

Aphrodite folds her arms as she get mad.

JOXER: I eat these all the time, I haven't ever found a pearl though.

GABBY: Mmm?! (Eatting) They taste good really.

JOXER: Well if we find a pearl it's your, Gabby.

GABBY: Thanks. I can sell it and get more scrolls.

JOXER: Or I could make you a necklace. (Trails off) But you don't even wear the one I gave you. (Mopes) Did you sell it?

APHR: Ah! (Pouts) Poor studmuffin.

GABBY: Huh? (Licking her fingers) I'm sorry Joxer, I didn't hear that last part. (Joxer looks at her) Um, anyway it would take too long to find enough of pearls for a necklace to sell. (Smiles) Thanks for the offer though. (Eats) Don't you want some?

APHR: Yes, but not the food. (Giggles)

JOXER: I'll eat what you leave behind.

GABBY: Alright, what's wrong? (Sits next to Joxer with an oyster) Open your mouth. (Feeds Joxer one) Good huh?

JOXER: Yep. (Sighs and makes a few sounds) I want something else though. (Turns red) Um? Well...

APHR: Yeah, you Miss. Thing.

GABBY: There is a passion fruit and a few stawberrys, your welcome to it. (Gets up) Whatever you want.

JOXER: Uh, huh. (Gets up and joins Gabrielle) Sure. (Eats)

GABBY: Oh come on I'm that big a bore to be around am I?

JOXER: Oh gods no! (Sighs) It's me. Um, just... Nevermind.

GABBY: I bet I know what would make you happy.

APHR: I bet I do too. (Giggles)

JOXER: Huh? (Thinking) Yeah, but you wouldn't let me.

GABBY: Maybe some cake?

JOXER: No, you don't want to see the cakes here. (Chuckles)

GABBY: Thats better you laughted, I don't like to see you mope.

JOXER: Gab... Gabrielle, I should of told you this long ago...

GABBY: Joxer, I know how you feel about me.

JOXER: You do?! (Chokes) Since when?

GABBY: Always. (Scoffs) It must be hard for you to be here like this with me acting like we are married, right?

JOXER: Yes and no, but why didn't you ever let me know you knew that I...

GABBY: We are friends and this is not how you think of me.

APHR: Oh brother?! (Giggles) Someone buy this chick a clue!

JOXER: Gabrielle?! (Puts his hand on his hips) What in Tartarus makes you think you know me so well?!

GABBY: (Giggles) I know you as well as I do Xena. (Eats the last oyster) Puh-lease?

JOXER: Is that so?! (Puts on hand to his lips) No. No you don't.

Gabrielle gets under the covers and after moving around tosses the robe on the floor. Joxer at this point is both angry and very frustrated.

GABBY: Just get in bed and go to sleep, your P.J.'s are behind the screen.

JOXER: Fine! (Goes behind the screen) Huh?!

APHR: This should be good.

Joxer starts taking off his clothes flinging them over the screen like Gabrielle did. He comes out in the nightwear, she rolls over on her side and rasies an eyebrow.

APHR: Oh, he's hiding the good stuff. (Rolls her eyes)

GABBY: You look very... Comfortable. But why did you bother with the robe?

APHR: If you have to ask you'll never know.

GABBY: Don't tell me you were planning on sleeping in it?

JOXER: Um, yes I was. (Walking to the bed) I mean I am.

GABBY: Don't be an idiot, Joxer. I won't let you in bed until you take it off.

Joxer tries to get in bed with Gabrielle, but she won't let him.

JOXER: Gabby?! (Whines) Come on? Cut it out?

GABBY: Take it off Joxer, now!

APHR: This more like it!

JOXER: Ok, but turn your head away.

GABBY: No deal. (Giggles) I wanna see these P.J.'s on you, under it.

JOXER: Why? (Gabrielle grabs the bottom of the robe) So you can laugh at me?

GABBY: No! (Pulls on the robe) I won't laugh, not unless you leave it on.

JOXER: Then you have to show me yours too.

GABBY: Um? (Making faces) Oh alright.

Gabrielle flashes the sheet down and then up.

GABBY: You didn't say how long, so it's your turn.

Joxer carfully takes the robe off keeping it covering the lower half of himself.

JOXER: There, now you can say whatever sarcastic thing you were planning on saying. (Sighs) Just let me go to sleep, please?

GABBY: What's with you and that robe? (Joxer sits down on the bed) Joxer?

Joxer gets under the covers and tosses the robe on the floor, as Gabrielle finds the bed is too small for the both of them. Their legs and hips are making contact, everytime they move more of the sides of their bodies meet.


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