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Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

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ACT SEVEN: HAY YOU

Joxer gets his lute out of his bag and tunes it. He starts playing it and sings...

Joxer the mighty,
Master of sensuality,
His woman wants him,
Her heart I finally win,
She's that special girl I can't resist,
With Gabby it's paid for me to persist,
Every inch of her is such a nice surprise!
Just check out her killer muscular thighs.
(Throaty cat like) Me-r-ow!
I'm Joxer, Joxer the Mighty!
I no longer need help from Aphrodite.
Joxer the Mighty,
He's gonna have Gabby,
In a barn full of hay,
Well hip, hip hurray!
Tonight is the big guarantee,
Gabby's alot more than a fantasy,
She feels my need for urgency,
I've had more than enough of waiting!
Now I'm complaisanting!
What is she anticipating?!
From Joxer, Joxer the Mighty?
One more time...
Oh Joxer the Mighty,
Master...

Joxer is shocked to see Xena walk in on him. XENA: Master of loud noise. (Scoffs)

JOXER: Xena?! (Puts his lute way) So you're here.

XENA: Yeah, which is more than I can say for any Bacchae that might of been within hundreds of miles of that singing of yours. (Rolls her eyes) Where's Gabrielle? (Looking around) I see she's not with you, so...

JOXER: She's alseep inside, she really wanted to stay here tonight. (Pouts)

XENA: Ok, where am I gonna sleep? (Smiles) I know it won't be with you.

JOXER: In the bed next to Lila, Gabby is sleeping near the fireplace.

XENA: All right. (Walking out) Good night and no more singing.

JOXER: From just me or does that also go for Gabrielle? (Chuckles) Ah, Gabrielle my goddess of passion. (Aphrodite pops in) Aphrodite?

APHR: The Bard, the goddess of passion, huh? (Scoffs) I would go with goddess of sarcasm myself. Tsk. (Sighs) Both sisters have the hots for you now, so I guess I should find someone for the poor thing. How about your twin brother Jett, she could change him from a killer to a thriller.

JOXER: I don't owe you that much. (Scoffs) Jett with Lila? That would be like having you and Discord sharing a temple... Ridiculous.

APHR: That grody snot?! All right Joxie you made your point sugar. (Fades out)

JOXER: Everyone, but Gabrielle. (Smiles) Another roll in the hay with Gabrielle.

Gabrielle comes in and sees Joxer sitting in the hay.

GABBY: I had to wait for Xena to go to sleep, but I'm here.

JOXER: Hmm - Mmm!

Gabrielle sits in the hay too, she looks at Joxer. After a sigh, she gives him a few choice looks. Joxer just gawked at her, so she grabs his shirt.

JOXER: I was just taking in your beauty, in the dim light.

GABBY: You can do that other ways you know? (Kisses Joxer) Now where were we? (Smiles) Oh yes! (Unties her laces) Take off your shirt.

JOXER: Ok. (Takes his off) Are you gonna do the same?

GABBY: Perhaps. (Giggles) You'll just have to wait and see.

JOXER: Well let me know if I can give you a hand?

GABBY: How about both of them? (Sighs) Your a goofy dork. (Kisses Joxer) But you are one very sweet and sexy, goffy dork. (Kisses him again) Strange mix.

JOXER: Is that your way of telling me you love me too? (Kisses Gabrielle's neck)

GABBY: Oh Joxer! (Gasping hard) I think I knew that.

JOXER: Obvious arn't you?

GABBY: Look who's talking? (Sighs) I think it's time for you to take off my top.

JOXER: Oh, hum... (Shivering) Yeah.

Suddenly Gabrielle heard the door open, she ran to hide. The figure came in carrying a candle, it was Lila. She put the candle down in a safe place and walked up to Joxer, as Garielle watched her. Joxer acted like he was asleep, she sat by him.

LILA: Joxer? (Blows in his ear) Joxer?

JOXER: Lila, what are you doing here?!

LILA: Oh come on?! (Giggles) The love letter, the thing I did with your knee? (Tries to kiss Joxer) I want you! (Sighs) I dream about you all the time, please?

JOXER: Lila, I told you I can't.

LILA: So you don't love me, couldn't you... Um, just once so that I have something?

JOXER: That wouldn't be fair to you Lila, you'll find someone who will love you too. (Sits up) I'm already in love with ga...

GABBY: With me, Lila. (Steps out into the light) He has been longer than he's known you, sorry but I think you should know.

LILA: You?! (Sobs) How could you, Gabby?! We're sisters and you take the man I love?! (Cries) It's bad enough your family comes last to you, now this?

GABBY: Lila, me and Joxer... I think have always felt this way about each other. I didn't take him away from you, he already loved me long before he came into your life. (Sighs) Do you understand? I think when I strated to know how I felt was when Joxer had won some money. He headed out with his dinars, but to the part I need to tell you me and Xena were looking for Joxer. He was late and he never is so that made Xena worry, but not me. It should of because...

***FLASHBACK***

XENA: No, you are not getting off your ankles too swollen.

GABBY: I'm telling you Xena, this sprain is not half as bad as the last one.

XENA: The less you're on it, the faster it'll heal. Besides,when we hook up with Joxer we'll stop and make camp. It's not like him to be late.

GABBY: What do to want to bet that he stopped to watch the paintdry or the grass grow and he completely forgot?

XENA: Huh.

GABBY: Hmm? Believe me, I know Joxer almost as well as I know you.

XENA: And how well is that?

G: Well enough to know what you're thinking most of the time. Like right now, you're thinking, "She thinks she knows me, huh? We'll see about that."

X: Easy guess.

GABBY: Ok. Now you're thinking, "Oh, wait, I haven't thought of anything yet." Right?

XENA: And what am I thinking, now?

GABBY: You wouldn't dare not to an injured woman?!

XENA: Listen. (Sounds of fight) Come on..

LEO: For the last time wheres Pop's money? So long, Mr.Lucky.

GABBY: Me and Xena got the thugs off poor Joxer...

THUGS: Let's get outta here! Come on, Leo!

GABBY: I put Joxer's head in my lap...

GABBY: Is he... ?

XENA: If we can treat him and get him to someplace safe, he stands a chance. Which is more than I can say for the men who did this to him.

Lila sits in the hay and Joxer taps her arm.

JOXER: This is what I remember, I was laying there when I heard Gabrielle say...

GABBY: There you go. Joxer. I don't know if you can hear me, but, um... Stay with us. I mean, Xena and I we ca... We care about you and... Uh, I mean... I know it's kind of hard to tell sometimes... You're like family to us, s... Don't leave us... Ok?"

JOXER: Also something about restraining me if I didn't lay still.

GABBY: We'll get to that later, Joxer.

JOXER: We will? (Smiles) Ok. Um, but she's why I wanted to stay alive, I love her.

LILA: I can see that now. (Sad sigh) How about your twin brother?

GABBY: Oh no! (Gasps) Not Jett!

LILA: Oh. (Pauses) But wait, I didn't think Xena liked Joxer very much.

GABBY: She just says she doesn't, but she cares alot for him deep down inside.

LILA: Well I better go back in and leave you two love birds alone. (Smiles)

Lila opens the door and runs right into Xena.

ACT EIGHT: ABSINENCE INTERLUDE

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