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by Melissa McMahan


The scene an inn named Auto's Place. Inside Autolycus sits at a table alone drinking, as Joxer plucks on his lute. Joxer soon joins him at
the table much to Autolycus's dismay. Joxer starts drinking too as the two men drown in their sorrow.

JOXER: So much for love.

AUTO: Yeah, it sticks! (Sighs)

JOXER: Xena and... Gabrielle. (Scoffs in a sad pout)

AUTO: Hey! (Yells) Don't bring up their names in my place I've told you! I opened this place two weeks ago, you've been here almost that
long and you keep talking about it. (Pauses) Don't!

JOXER: I'm sorry.

AUTO: They ran off with those jackasses and left us in the dust. They both laughed at you, what more do you need to know?

JOXER: I know, but...

AUTO: But, nothing! (Getting up) I know how you feel about the blonde, because I feel the same about Xe... (Grunts and walks out)

JOXER: I wish I just knew why?

Later as people came into the inn Joxer played some light tunes. Then two war lords started to fight, but they were soon stopped by Autolycus
who ended up holding them by the necks.

AUTO: There's no fighting in my place, go out side if you wanna kill each other. (Lets go of them) Go on!

The two war lords leave and Autolycus adjust his clothes.

AUTO: Some people don't know how to act. Sorry about that folks.

Joxer and the others go back to what they were doing. Autolycus spots the backside of a blonde with curly hair, he taps her arm.

AUTO: Hey? (No reaction from the woman) Ma'am?

The woman turns around and it's Aphrodite wearing a long dress.

APHR: Nice place, it might make a good temple for me. (Giggles)

AUTO: This is my place goddess, not yours.

APHR: That's true... For now, beefcake. Oh but, not for long.

Aphrodite giggles as she fades away in a shower of light before Autolycus can ask what she's talking about.

AUTO: Women! (Growls) Mortal or goddess they like to play mind games with men. (Walking off) Who needs them?!

As Joxer walks off stage another man walks up to him and hands him a scroll. Joxer looks down at it wondering if it was from Gabrielle, he
turned to look at the man but he was gone.

JOXER: Zeus. (Sitting down with the scroll) So is it you Gabby?

Autolycus walks up to Joxer and sits down, he notices the scroll.

AUTO: One of hers? (Joxer shrugs) If it is get rid of it!

Joxer opens it up slowly. He sees to his shock an ad with drawings of Xena and Gabrielle as dancers in a men's tavern.

JOXER: What in the name of Zeus?! (Gasps)

AUTO: There's your answer.

Autolycus points out the name of the club and Joxer's jaw drops.

JOXER: Discord's?!

AUTO: As in the goddess. As in the understudy of... Ares.

JOXER: Ares and Xena they...

AUTO: I know, don't remind me. (Clears his throat) But that also might explain why Aphrodite was here tonight, she and Discord dislike each
other to put it mildly. Either they are on a mission or...

JOXER: Or they are under a spell. (Sighs with hope) I knew it.

AUTO: You're an awful liar. (Scoffs) Ah, but I'm a master of disguise! (Points at Joxer) In your case you'll have to go as an old man or Xena
will know you right off. Sometimes she even catches me, but I make her think it's every time. (Chuckles) I'm the best.

JOXER: Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

AUTO: You know I think you've been around that blonde too long. You're starting to sound just like her.

JOXER: Can we just get started?

Inside Discord's men's tavern the place is packed full of men. Then a band plays music and a few women come out on stage dancing in black
leather outfits. They pause after a time and Xena dressed in veils prances out and then Gabrielle. Two old men seem to be in shock, but
it's Joxer and Autolycus. They look at the two women they love wearing next to nothing and Joxer makes a high whine.

AUTO: What are they doing in this place, dressed like that?

Xena moved right passed them, as Gabrielle grabbed a poll and slid around it, as Joxer just sat there stunned. Men around them were
yelling and cheering the two women on. Autolycus started to enjoy the show himself, but Joxer was torn. He didn't like the fact that all
these men were eyeing his one true love the way he was.

JOXER: What do we do?

AUTO: Watch 'em, what else?

Gabrielle throws her legs up around the poll and hangs upside down, then reaches up and gabs the poll spinning down landing on her feet.
Joxer is stunned, by her movements and forgets about everyone else in the packed room. Xena bends backwards and spins into spits. The two
women grab hands and spin around, the break off titillating the men by slowly tossing off some of their veils. Unknown to Gabrielle she throw
one right at Joxer and it landed on his head. The two woman then exited the stage on each side.

GABBY: I'll be glad when this is over, Xena.

XENA: So will I.

GABBY: That weird old man just bore a hole in me with his eyes. (Shutters) It felt really strange too, almost like my father was
sitting there, but not. I could tell he somewhat disapproved, yet he didn't mind watching me. That was just like having someone you know
watching you. (Sighs) Oh I can't explain it really.

XENA: Gabrielle, he just reminds you of your father that's all.

GABBY: Mmm, yeah.

Joxer and Autolycus sneak in the back, they see Xena walking into another room. Gabrielle pulls at her outfit, as Joxer and Autolycus
chuckle lightly at her doing it. However they stop when Xena and the two men Autolycus had talked about at his inn came out. All of them
walk away and Joxer sighed. Autolycus grabbed him by the arm and they marched right out of the place.

JOXER: They have to be under a spell.

AUTO: No, you idiot. Face it we got dumped, before we even got a real chance!

Joxer slowly and with sadness followed Autolycus back to his inn.


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