1. Cast- Xena, I have battled the warlord Humungus. His army destroyed my entire battalion. Gabrielle- That’s blood…You have a head on your stick…These are your changes? Blood, sex??? Joxer- Uh, and a hot tub. I got the guys working on it in the back. I thought to myself, Joxer, what is it that you like? And I figured, that’s what the public wants. Gabrielle- Artist’s aren’t supposed to care about what the public wants. We’re not doing this for money. Cast- I am. 325kb
2. Critic 1- The plays not bad, I just don’t buy that Xena. Critic 2- There’s an opening of "Buffus The Bacci Slayer" across the street. 82kb
3. D.H.- I understand you are putting on a play? My name is Dustinus Hoofmannis, I wish to audition. Gabrielle- Centaurs don’t do plays. There isn’t a centaur in the entire Appian way. It’s incredible! D.H.- Yes…I am. 194kb
4. D.H.- I do not play quadrupeds. Make sure the role reflects that. Gabrielle-What? D.H. I do not play four-legged creatures. Gabrielle- But you’re a centaur. D.H.- I am an actor. I refuse to limit myself.  Minya- Gonna make him play a villain too? 228kb
5. Gabrielle- Xena, it was one of my favorite scrolls, a new one. Charting our history through the prism of time… Xena- A more intimate examination of our relationship and on and on…You’ve been talking about it ever since we left Kalia. Gabrielle- I can’t recreate the beauty, the ess… Xena- Then Gabrielle go back for it. Gabrielle- Yeah? Xena- Gabrielle, the prince needs our help in Arca. I’m gonna go ahead, you go back to Paraias and catch up with me when you can. Gabrielle- Are you sure? Xena- Sure I’m sure – go on make us both happy. Gabrielle- Thank you… Xena- Don’t mention it. Gabrielle- Ok.  Xena- Well, when I say don’t mention it… I mean…you can mention it…it’s just a figure of speech…you don’t have to take it literally…wouldn’t kill ya maybe to look back or something…ah, rats… Alright Argo, it’s just you and me. 635kb
6. Gabrielle- Not in your lifetime…thank you. 27kb
7. Gabrielle- Joxer – what are you doing? Joxer- Hi Gabrielle. Wow! Uh, your hair? Did that hurt? What’s that you’re wearing? Gabrielle- Sari   Joxer- Don’t apologize, it looks good. 139kb
8. Gabrielle- Joxer, I’m looking for something. It’s very important and close to my heart and I know it’s here somewhere. Joxer- Oh, uh, you mean like a feeling? You get it often? Like…now for example? Gabrielle- Yea, because I know this scroll is here somewhere. Joxer- Oh. 155kb
9. Gabrielle- My scroll! Thank you! Thank you! Where did you find it? Zehra- I was sitting in the little girls house, and there it was right beside me. 88kb
10. Gabrielle- A Sophocles play? A brand new Sophocles play? It’s opening opposite mine. Joxer- Yeah, everyone’s talking about it. Great art, huh.  Gabrielle- A disaster – Sophocles is the master of prose, of feeling, of plumbing the emotional depths of human existence. Joxer- Writes good too. 198kb
11. Gabrielle- No one’s going to see my play, not with his opening the same night as mine.  Joxer- Hey that’s not true Gabrielle. I just ran into this warlord and he said he was definitely coming to see your play. Seriously. Gabrielle- That’s it!   Joxer- What? Gabrielle- Who cares who comes to see my play, as long as the right people see it. This warlord, he wants to hear my message of peace. That’s who my play speaks to…Fantastic. 273kb
12. Gabrielle- You?! The producer of my play? Not in this world! Not in this life! Not on this stage! 89kb
13. Gabrielle- Joxer – selling a show takes more than hanging posters. You really need to get inside the minds of the people and find out what they want. Joxer- Ok – I’m a people – I know what I want – I know what I like. Gabrielle- Doesn’t matter anyway, I know who my audience is. 210kb
14. Gabrielle- Finding the right Gabrielle proved to be more difficult than I expected. Joxer- Very difficult. Gabrielle- I realized that only one person can fully capture the spiritual essence of Gabrielle. Someone who actually lived that truth. Joxer- Lived the truth. Gabrielle- So I…I cast myself. Joxer- So she…  Minya- Couldn’t see that one coming – could they? 284kb
15. Gabrielle- Ok, let’s keep going. Minya…come on it’s your big scene. Minya- Yeah…my big scene where I talk my issues out more. Seems like all we do is talk. Y’know maybe the play might be even better if we just clobbered some skulls. Gabrielle- No…Xena doesn’t do that. 240kb
16. Gabrielle- I have inner peace…I can work with amateurs…in with love, out with hate…in with love, out with hate. 216kb
17. Gabrielle- I have an announcement to make…a message means nothing if no one hears it…a flower in the forest is just a plant if no one sees it…We’re gonna need more blood! I want more Skin! I want action! I want weapons! I want battlefields with beaten bloody bodies! We’re gonna take this little flower and cram it down their throats for their own good.  Joxer- What about the critics? Gabrielle- It’ll kill’em all. 369kb
18. Gabrielle- KILL THEM ALL!! KILL THEM ALL!! 27kb
19. Gabrielle-What am I doing…all this sex, blood, violence. Have I gone crazy?  Joxer- Gabrielle, we just sold out the first night! Gabrielle- Crazy like a fox! I want more blood!! 167kb
20. Gabrielle- What are you doing here?  Xena- Gabrielle, I knew there would be trouble when I saw the playbill. It listed Zera as the contact, she is the queen of cons.  Gabrielle- The queen of cons? 95kb
21. Gabrielle- Somebody stop them! …Interactive theater – everybody join in! 117kb
22. Humungus- Oh go away, you aren’t even a good actress.  Xena- Now that was a little uncalled for. Thorax- Xena… Kaelus- Xena… Zehra & Milo- Xena??? 162kb
23. Joxer- I’m not drunk!! I just trip over things like that!! 33kb
24. Joxer- I’m..a..Joxer her associate, uh, Joxer the mighty. You’ve probably read about me those scrolls…didn’t she? Zehra- That was you? Oh (laughing) very good. 152kb
25. Joxer- (mumbling) You think that people could be touched by something left in a bathroom. Gabrielle- If I were to rewrite it for the stage. I could show people all the lessons we learned in India – about peace and happiness…I’ll do it. 162kb
26. Joxer- Where’s the theater?! Zehra- This is the theater, dear boy. The Apollo is known throughout the world. Joxer- Uh huh…as a dive. 100kb
27. Joxer- Open casting call Gab-ri-elle and Xena – A Message of Peace. Hey! Do you mind?! I’m trying to…fill out my last will and testament. Thorax- Huh, new play – sounds good – Oh I can’t wait to see it.  Joxer- Wow! This place is great! Even a warlord loves the theater – heh heh… ouch!! 298kb
28. Joxer- Gabrielle, the play is great, um, maybe if we had a different title? Gabrielle- Like what, Springtime for Warlords?   Joxer- Blood, Guts and Babes… The Cast………………. Gabrielle- STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! This is my play, now I am in charge here and I say we can make a few changes, but we will not ruin my vision! 436kb
29. Joxer- Well, well, well, well, aren’t you all ashamed of yourselves? Gabrielle put her heart and soul into this play and as the producer I’m ashamed for all of you. But as a producer...  I have a few little changes to make. 298kb
30. Joxer- Um, I just figured, a little eye candy , what’s the harm – doesn’t affect the vision thing, it’s all still the same so.. go on. 77kb
31. Joxer- Hello?…You Guys!…Hey!!…I’m the producer!!…Anybody?!?!…Hello?!?!…I’m gonna tell my brother!!…Mommy. 258kb
32. Kaelus- I saw the play  Zehra- I can explain…you know what they say…bad dress rehearsal – great opening night. Kaelus- I loved it. Zehra- You did? Kalis- Oh, the power, the passion, the danger, the blood, that kick butt feel. This show is gonna run for years! 186kb
33. Milo- The air sang harmony?  Zehra- I know. Milo- Zehra, baby, what scam are you up to? Usually I can smell the money, but I’m not sure what I’m smelling here?  Zehra- What if I told you we’ve found the golden fleece and her name is Gabrielle? Milo- You bad girl, what are you up to? If the village witnesses’ this garbage, they’ll throw your playwright right out of town.  Zehra- Oh, dear heart if she’s lucky, the people I’m thinking of are liable to kill her. 439kb
34. Minya- Never fear Xena is here! Gabrielle- Minia, what are you doing here? Minya- Auditioning – Now my dream of being Xena can finally come true. 115kb
35. Minya- Gabrielle I wanted to thank you I would have never met Paulina if it weren’t for you. I n fact the two of you made me realize something deep down about myself that I guess I always knew, but just didn’t dare to admit… Yes – I’m a… Thespian. Xena- Congratulations, you managed to touch someone. Gabrielle- Wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, I wanted to change violent people into people of peace, not actors. That is what she said right, deep down she said Thespian? Xena- Yeah, why what did you think? 512kb
36. Thorax- What have you done to my play?! Kaelus- Your play?! I put up the money. Where’s the blood the death…where’s all the fun?!?!?! 107kb
37. Xena- Well you can’t say that you didn’t try and you can’t say that I didn’t try. Gabrielle- I appreciate that. 51kb
38. Xena- No time for talk – it’s time to act. 52kb
39. Xena- Here’s your money, at least what Zehra and Milo didn’t spend. You can keep it or in the spirit the play donate it to an Orphanage. It’s your call. Warlords- Orphanage. Xena- Excellent choice. 187kb
40. Xena Song 402kb
41. Zehra- Xena I’ve seen the error of my ways starting now I’m going to find a legitimate career that best suits my natural abilities. Dustinus…I’ve been watching you and I am impressed darling. Have you ever considered changing representation? I’m opening a new agency. Dustinus- Very well…But what I really want to do…is direct. 248kb

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