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XENA: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series XENA: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.
~ QUEEN, PRINCESS, JESTER ~
ACT ONE: LOVE LIES BLEEDING.
In a huge very nice inn down a rather long redundant hallway of cream walls and green doors a woman sweeps the clay tile floor. Slowing making her way towards the only double doors at the end of the massive hall. Her broom catches some debris of glass, clay and other such items from under the door. Perplexed she knocks on the doors just to hear more stuff breaking on the other side, she cleans up the mess as best she can then walks away as she shakes her head. Inside the room the doors locked with a roped tied around the handles, the floor covered in broken items from the room it's self and a punched hole in the wall. Some blood and other drying liquids splats on the white wall, glass shavings stuck to some of it. In a chair in front of the bay window watching the towns folk a very drunk and upset Joxer. His armor, helmet and other things lay on the foot of the bed. The sound of children playing outside just below his window, a woman and man yelling at each other. His eyes red from too much ale and not enough sleep or food made him slump in the chair. They also told of pain fresh and ripe, he sat there with only one thought. With a groan and in hoarse tones he said her name just as a tear fell down from his face and hit his chest.
His eyes closed and he started to have flash backs. Walking up to Xena and Gabrielle the first time they met. Giving the irritating blonde an answer.
JOXER: I wasn't talking to you little girl!
Gabrielle beating him with her staff when he tried to catch her for Callisto. Putting the knife to her throat like Callisto wanted, but being unable to kill her as her helpless eyes looked up into his. When she turned into a Bacchus, watching her get married to Perdicus. The time on the beach when she hit him with the boat oar, because of his singing.
GABBY: I can't take it anymore... Warrior this, warrior that!
The time Cupids arrows hit her and the events from that day, their kisses. How he still longed for her lips and her arms, as Cupid took off her spell.
GABBY: What's going on?
JOXER: A love so deep, few have ever known it.
JOXER: A love so deep, few have ever known it.
XENA: Cupid forget it he's for real!
CUPID: Oh, happens.
Then at the camp fire that night.
GABBY: (Laughs) Can you imagine the two of us in love?
GABBY: Yeah, kind of makes you laugh just to think about it. (Giggles while walking away)
JOXER: Hah, hah!
The day Xena said they kept repeating and he found out Gabrielle had cried over his death. What had happened with his brother Jet. The three naked Gabrielle's from Gabrielle's scroll he wrote a poem on.
GABBY: What does love's eyes have to do with me?!
The necklace he got for her and only getting pain in return. Xena and Gabrielle's fight when Hope killed Solan, as he waited outside the Amazon hut for her. Hearing her scream he ran in and took her up in his arms, only to have Xena drag her away from sight. After the casino owners men beat him nearly to death how she took care of him. Then the lies he told her when she lost her memories. It echoed in his head.
GABBY: I'm in love with you?
JOXER: Yes, yes you are.
GABBY: I'm in love with you?
JOXER: Yes, yes you are.
GABBY: I'm in love with you?
JOXER: Yes, yes you are.
Joxer's eyes shot open and he saw it was now dark outside. Got up and fell down on the floor.
JOXER: No, no you are not and you never will be!
Joxer laid in a heap crying, he recalled what had happened the last time Gabrielle was still friends with him and what cause her never to trust him again muchless ever love him back. Xena had gone off and left her alone in this town he just happened to be here too and they saw each other.
After a small hug from Gabrielle. Joxer took her into the tavern and after awhile of drinking both of them were drunk, very much so.
GABBY: You know Xena won't be back for days and I have drank away all the dinars I had on me. (Giggles) I don't even have my bed roll with me, she has it.
JOXER: I have a room, you take the bed and I'll take the floor. (Chuckles) Anything for you, Gabby.
GABBY: That's sweet of you Jox-x-xer. (Giggles) But I can't let you sleep on the floor. I'll go find a tree and sleep on a limb, after all cats do it. So can I!
JOXER: No, no, no, no! (Pulling her up with him) No, you're coming with me. (Pointing) Because I can't have the woman I love hanging from a tree. That's not right!
GABBY: What did you say?!
JOXER: I said, I love you! I love you! I love you!
Joxer swooped Gabrielle up in his arms and started up the steps to his room. The two green doors few open and tossing her on the bed, he locked the doors.
GABBY: You love me too much to let me sleep in a tree?
JOXER: Gabby, you are not gonna sleep in any trees.
GABBY: And you are not gonna sleep in the floor, this bed is big enough for us both. (Giggles) Now get in or I'll pinch your nose off. (Sighs) Right now, Joxer!
Joxer stumbled towards the bed, he got right beside her and she laughed, as she pulled at her skirt.
GABBY: Hey Joxer?! (Giggles) Can you help me take my clothes off?! (Giggles) I forgot how to do it.
JOXER: You want me to... Um?! Ok.
GABBY: You gotta take yours off too, we can't sleep in our foot gear and your armor will keep me awake.
JOXER: What about my sword?
Gabrielle strokes Joxer's sword with her hand, as she looks at it and his thoughts turn very naughty.
GABBY: I think you need a new sheath to put your sword in? (Sighs) What'd ya' think?
JOXER: I think you're cute when you're drunk, Gabby.
GABBY: I think your kinda cute too. (Smiles)
JOXER: You do?!
GABBY: Mmm, hum! (Giggles) Joxie... I mean Joxer!
Gabrielle grabs Joxer's armor and kisses him like crazy, as he shakes. They gawk at each other for a moment and then she rubs his chest.
GABBY: Show me how much you love me, Joxer! (Giggles)
JOXER: You're kidding, right?
GABBY: I thought you might of just been after my body, the way you look at me. (Giggles) You said you love me, love is more than just lust and you do want me don't you? (Joxer grins) So show me how much you love me! (Moans) Come on, Joxie?! Please? Please? Please?!
JOXER: Um?! (Gulps) If that's really what you want.
Kissing Joxer, Gabrielle fondled his armor until it was coming off and the the rest of his clothes too. Seeing Gabrielle naked, was what he always wanted and he helped her undress. Awestruck at seeing her nude and on top of it her wanting him, how right this felt to be making love to her. Nothing in his life had been so right, so perfect and so wonderful. He savored every touch and her eyes sparkled more than her smile. That was until the morning light woke them up and her rage came out. She got up out of the bed naked.
GABBY: Oh my gods?! (Gasping) Joxer?!
JOXER: What is it, my love?
GABBY: We didn't... Um?! You didn't... Um?! (Gasps) Oh gods, yes we did! You, you took advantage of me last night while I was drunk! (Yells) Joxer, how could you do this to me?! Don't touch me! (Sobs) Oh my gods!
JOXER: Oh no, no, no, no! (Sighs) Think about what happened last night! (Smiles) You seduced me and I might add begged me to show you how much I love you. (Yells) I did and now you wanna blame me?!
GABBY: I... I... I can't believe this! Oh gods!
Gabrielle finding her clothes dresses and points at Joxer. Her eyes only slits she was so angry, he puts the covers over himself. He walks up to her.
GABBY: No dont! (Gasps) Just don't!
JOXER: But Gabby, I love yo...
Gabrielle slaps Joxer across the face and turns to walk out of the room. She pauses at the door and looks back at him, he walks up to take her hand in his.
JOXER: I do! I love you, with all my heart and all my soul. (Sobs) I'm sorry if I hurt you. (Sighs) I would die for you, kill for you and you know that's true! Because I already have saving you from Cryton.
GABBY: I know, but... I... I...I can't deal with this. (Sobs) Look give me some time to think, but right now I can't stand this! (Cries) Please I just can't!
Gabrielle marches out and slams the door in Joxer's face. He grabs his nose, then dresses as fast as he can. Opens the door and it hits his nose again, he runs after her calling her name as he does so.
JOXER: Gabrielle?! (Louder) Gabrielle?!
Joxer got up off the floor and laid on the bed, he looked the pillow Gabrielle had laid on and found one of her blonde hairs. wraps it around his fingers and cries himself to sleep.
ACT TWO: THE DARKNESS BEFORE THE DAWN
On a hill at sunrise Gabrielle sits by herself thinking trying to remember all of it, but it comes to her that she had been the one who had coaxed Joxer into bed with her. That he had done nothing but what she wanted him to do and being they were both totally drunk at the time, she knew she need to say she was sorry to him. A smile over came her sadness as she remembered how she felt, as he touched her and she touched him. How it felt to be one with each other.
GABBY: No, I... I... Can't think about that! (Sighs) I love Perdicus and I just betra... (Sobs) How can I betray a dead man?! (Cries) So much has happened since then! Oh gods, it's not the same! I'm not the same. I still love him, but I don't know about my feelings about me anymore, much less Joxer's love for me or the ones I had for my dead husband. (Sighs) I care deeply for the awkward, big hearted, fool, but is it... Love or is it that he's just around me so much?!
Gabrielle paced around thinking everything over and over in her mind, she knew she couldn't hurt Joxer by staying away from him. That and she didn't want to either, she decided that since they were friends she might have to just leave it at that until she knew what was really going on in her own heart as well as her own mind. But she did feel strange about it.
GABBY: Well I'll just have to find that out. (Smiles) He is kinda cute, in a dorky sort of way and dumb. (Sighs) However he does have other fine traits. (Cocks an eyebrow) Mmm! No that would be lust, but it was still worth it! (Giggles) He can't walk two feet without being clumsy, but he is funny. He doesn't know when to shut up, but he's kind. So he's not the strongest man in the world or the most good looking. He looks a lot better the less he has on. (Giggles) No I got to stop thinking about that! (Slaps herself) Ok this is Joxer! Goofy, dull witted, kluts! (Sighs) Sweet, big hearted, romantic and lavishly passionate. The way he kissed me all over and... (Screams) Why do I keep thinking about that?! (Sighs) Because I enjoyed it, that's why! (Smiles) Yes, yes I did... Very much!
Xena rides Argo back into the town and looks around for Gabrielle. She walks into the inn, as she starts to look at the guest book. Finds she wasn't there, but she does come across Joxer's name and room number.
XENA: Mmm?! Well if it isn't Joxer the Mighty.
Xena heads up the steps and looks at the numbers on the the floor, she finds it.
XENA: Joxer?! (Knocks) Joxer, it's Xena open up?!
JOXER: Leave me alone! (Pauses) Go away!
XENA: Alright, I'll just let myself in.
Xena after a few tugs opens the doors and beholds a sight that shocks her. She makes her way to Joxer over the broken items in the room, she looks at him laying on the bed looking totally spent.
JOXER: I want to be by myself!
JOXER: Xena come on?!
XENA: I don't know what's more of a wreck this room or you. (Sighs) You need a friend, that's me. (Makes a face) And you also need a bath. Come on, we'll go to the river and I'll toss you in. (Chuckles)
JOXER: Yeah the river, I'll just drown myself.
Except for his boots, Xena just puts Joxer in the river as is. With a brush and some plant pulp she washes his hair, takes care not to get wet herself.
XENA: There we go. (Chuckles) Now you smell almost as good as Argo. (Sighs) You wash up and I'll go see what I can do with your room. (Joxer nods) Stay!
JOXER: I won't go anywhere, Xena.
XENA: You better not or you'll answer to me!
JOXER: Yes I know! (Uses the brush on his feet) Nag! Nag! Nag! She might as well be my mother!
XENA: I heard that!
JOXER: Sorry Xena?!
Xena makes her way back to Joxer's room and starts with the sheets on the bed, she rips them off. Gets a strange look on her face. It hits her what happened and she then tosses them in the floor.
XENA: Well some woman was here not that long ago, being that I left Gabrielle here... (Smiles as she finds a few blonde hairs) Mmm?! Well I guess our camp fire chats will be something else from now on.
GABBY: Oh my gods! (Gasps) Oh gods!
Gabrielle is standing at the doorway bewildered and looking at the once stately room she had left Joxer in just days before. Xena clears her throat.
XENA: You wouldn't know anything about this would you? (Giving Gabrielle the look) Joxer's a bigger mess.
GABBY: Where is he?!
XENA: Right now I'd say in Hades, over you. (Smiles knowingly) The rest of it I can just figured out.
GABBY: Here I'll finish in here and you go tend to Joxer, how about that?
XENA: I think you two need to be alone to... Ahem, talk. (Raises an eyebrow) So I'll clean the room.
Gabrielle leaves Xena to her task at hand and finds Joxer looking like a drowned rat in the river.
GABBY: Oh how the mighty have fallen. (Scoffs)
Joxer stands up only to fall back into the river making Gabrielle laugh until she realizes he's been in the water too long. Then panic kicks in and she goes in after him. After getting him to dry land she blows air into his lungs, lets him cough up the water and blows air once more into his lungs. On the last try Joxer just kisses her, as he holds her and she doesn't back away. Xena walks out catching them in the act.
XENA: Gabrielle, let the poor guy breath. (Chuckles)
JOXER: Xena, you're always in everybodies business.
GABBY: Yeah, she is. (Giggles) But so are you and that's what friends are for.
GABBY: For now, but you never know what might happen.
XENA: Evidently. (Smiles) What you two have been up to for one. (Raises an eyebrow) I'd say it was a bit more than being just simply friends. (Chuckles) Eh, Joxer?
Joxer grins and then looks at Gabrielle, Xena helps him up and grabs both their jaws.
XENA: Just keep down the sounds when I'm sleeping near by. (Chuckles) That's all that I'll ask of you two.
GABBY: Well that's something that we're going to have to work out slowly and not ever drink that much again.
GABBY: I'm sorry I acted the way I did, Joxer. (Sighs) I just don't know where I'm at now and muchless any feelings I might or might not have for you or anyone.
JOXER: I understand, but I still love you.
GABBY: I know and I understand that too.
XENA: Good now that's taken care of lets pay for the room and get out of here.
Later Xena walks out of the inn and looks at Joxer and Gabrielle. They both smile at her.
XENA: Let's just say both of you owe me big time.
Xena gets on Argo as Joxer and Gabrielle walk hand in hand behind her. They head out of town.
JOXER: Time to rewrite my song a bit more. He, he!
GABBY: Yeah, that would be a good way to get rid of me for good. (Clears her throat) Just try it and find out.
JOXER: Ok, but only if you write more about me in your scrolls. Huh, Gabby?
GABBY: Um, don't worry about that. I composed one all about you. (Giggles) Someday I'll show it to you.
JOXER: Hey?! What do you mean someday?!
XENA: Shut up you two!
Xena tried in vain not to think about her two best friends having sex during the writing of this fan-fic.
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