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~The Joxer Scrolls~
by Melissa McMahan


While Joxer sleeps, (camped out alone) a thug notices his campfire from just off the road. He walks up and takes all of his things without bothering Joxer's sleep. The thug takes off with his ill gotten gain and heads into town. Once there he starts towards the inn, but he's jumped by four men who end up killing him. As they run off, one of the villagers picks up Joxers things. After a search of his pack they come across Xena's name. They know she's near by and think this was the man that was with her and the blond girl. One of them decides to go find Xena and let her know her friend is dead. Meanwhile Joxer wakes up and find his stuff gone.

He finds footprints in the mud and they lead into one of the two towns he's near. He looks around the town.

JOXER:Son of Bacchae!

In the next town over Xena is brushing Argo. A villager hands her a bag and tells her of the murder. Xena tells the villager that a lot of people know her or of her.

She takes the bag and tells the villager she'll try to find the man's family is so she can give his things to them. The villager leaves and Xena goes back to brushing Argo. Gabrielle walks up to her moments later.

GAB: Hey Xena, are you about ready to go find Joxer?

XENA: Nah, he'll find us. (Sighs) He always does.

GAB: True. (Giggles) He's almost like a shadow, turn around and there he is. (Sighs) I'm still mad at him.

XENA: He didn't mean to knock you into the river, Gabrielle. (Raises an eyebrow)

GAB: I know, but he just says and does things that make me so mad! (Huffs) Oh gods!

XENA: Ever wonder why that is? (Smiles knowingly) Mmm?

GAB: Huh? (Pauses) I bet he's still asleep or sitting under a tree pouting about our fight.

XENA: Or picking you daisies to say he's sorry.

GAB: Yeah, well it's going to take a lot more than that for me to forgive him. (Notices the bag) What's all this? (Walks up to the bag) May I look?

XENA: Oh there was a murder in the next town over, one of the villagers gave it to me. I'm gonna find out who to give it to, you know his family or friends. But feel free to find out who he was, Gabrielle.

GAB: Thanks, I might be able to help you find him.

Gabrielle's giggle turns into a loud gasp when she pull out Joxers helmet. Shaking she drops it and starts to cry loudly. Xena runs over and hugs her.


GAB: Why? (Wails) Why!

XENA: That's what we're gonna find out! (Sobs) They'll pay. (She said with dead cold)

GAB: He can't be dead. (Falls to the ground crying)

XENA: Keep your head Gabrielle we have to.

Looking in the bag Xena soon pulls everything out. She finds a few scrolls that make her wonder.

GAB: Scrolls?

XENA: One has my name on it, one has yours. (Sighs) The others who knows? (Gabrielle takes hers) Are you sure your ready to read it?

GAB: Yes. (Opens and reads it)

Gabby if you're reading this, it means something bad has happened to me.


Just know that Xena and you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Xena's my best friend and yours.
I can only hope you two stay that way.
I'm sorry I always made you angry all the time.
I never meant to.
Please find it in your heart to forgive me?

Love Joxer, the idiot you put up with.

(Crys) Xena? (Sobs) I was that awful to him that he...He?

XENA: Let me read mine.

(Opens and reads it)

Xena, thank you for your friendship and all your help.


Please don't cry over me, just take care of Gabrielle she needs you as much as you need her.
I'll only ask one last thing of you.

Please don't tell Gabby about my f...

(Clears her throat)

Um, nevermind.

Gabrielle grabs the scroll away from Xena, as Xena tries to take it back. Gabrielle reads it out loud.


Please don't tell Gabby about my feelings towards her if I haven't let her know myself.


She's had enough pain without knowing about that.
She'd only laugh anyway like she did after Cupid broke the spell on her.
She didn't know that I wasn't hit by arrows and that my love was real.


I don't want her to feel quilty over the whole thing.
She thinks of me as a friend and only a little bit.


She's better off without a lout like me anyway, you know that.
Take care.
Joxer the Mighty.

(Drops the scroll) Me?! (Gasps) Joxer loved me?

XENA: Gabrielle? (Pauses) I really thing you...

GAB: What?! (Sighs) Xena I need to be alone now.

Gabrielle walks towards the lake just outside the town. Xena gathers up Joxer's things and puts them back in the bag. Just when she started to get up, she noticed a pair of boots walk up. She looked up and was face to face with Joxer, she was in shock and gasped.

JOXER: Xena someone robbed me last night. (Sighs) I've been trying to find out who, but I need your help.

Xena without a word hugged the stuffing out of Joxer.

XENA: Joxer we thought you were dead?! (Kisses him)

JOXER: Xena?! (Scoffs) You kissed me?

XENA: Sorry Joxer, but you may want to kill me after what happened with Gabrielle.

JOXER: What? (Spots Gabrielle by the river) Oh I see her. (Walking towards her) Gabby!

XENA: No Jox...

Too late, Gabrielle had seen Joxer and was running up to him. Xena waited for the yelling to start, but was suprised to see Gabrielle hug him instead and with a smile no less. After a few kisses on his face Joxer didn't care why she was doing it.

GAB: I can't believe it! (Kisses him) You're really alive! (Backs off) Joxer!

JOXER: Yes Gabby?

GAB: Xena if you'll excuse us? (Grabs his ear) Me and Joxer have to talk about something.

XENA: Oh gods! (Walks away)

JOXER: Gabby, this really hurts!

GAB: Good. (Sighs) What in the name of Tartarus is wrong with you? (Lets go of his ear only to slap him)

JOXER: Ow! (sighs) I'm in a lot of pain for one thing.

GAB: Uh, huh? (Pulls his shirt) I know that.

Gabrielle looks at him in the eyes.

JOXER: What did I do now?

GAB: Don't be a... Nevermind.

JOXER: Hum? (Smirks) Don't be a what?

GAB: Why didn't you just tell me?

JOXER: Tell you what? (Gabrielle hits him) Ow!

GAB: You made me think you found it funny, that's why I went along with the joke.

JOXER: Could you tell me what your talking about?

GAB: Oh you want to know what I'm talking about, huh?

JOXER: It might help this little chat along if I did.

GAB: Fine I'll tell you what I'm talking about since you're a little too thick to figure it out. (Pauses) I read your scrolls! I took Xena's and read it too!

JOXER: Uh, you... and you read... Um? (Gabrielle slaps him on top of the head) Ow!

GAB: It's true isn't it? (Slaps him again) Isn't it!

JOXER: I'm sorry, but it is. (Sighs) I know you think I'm a idiot for it and that's why I couldn't tell you.

GAB: Joxer I have enough problems without you thinking for me! (Hits him) From now on, you and Xena don't keep things from me. (Hits him) I'm really mad at both of you! (Slaps him) You mostly!

(Hits him)

JOXER: Ow! I can tell, ...trust me! (Gabrielle pushes him down) Ow! (Begs on his knees) I'm sorry! (Sobs) Sorry!

GAB: Stop it! (Helps him up) Joxer? I'm sorry.

JOXER: You are? (Sighs) Yeah, sorry you ever met me.

GAB: No. I'm sorry that I laughted about us being in love that time. (Sighs) You know how I feel about you?

JOXER: No, no I don't? (Sobs) Yes I do, you can't stand the sight of me. I understand.

GAB: You're thinking for me again! (Hits him) Ask!

JOXER: Last time I asked you how you felt about me, was when Xena had tied up your hands when you two were sick. You said, "well you know I value you..." Then something about not being a good time, before you tossed up the stew I made.

GAB: Oh yeah. (Giggles) I wasn't going to tell you much anyway. (Sighs) But I guess we're past that now.

JOXER: What do you mean by that?

GAB: Joxer you big dumb...

Gabrielle hits Joxer some more.

JOXER: Ow, Gabby?! Ow!

GAB: Don't Gabby me you... (Pauses) Sweet idiot!

Gabrielle grabs his shirt again, as she starts kissing him. Joxer makes a few awestruck, yet timid sounds. As Xena walks up and sees them kissing, then they stop.

JOXER: Whoa, does this mean that you... (Passes out)

XENA: I think we need to throw him in the river.

GAB: Xena? (Xena chuckles) Be nice.

Joxer comes around, gets up and looks at them.

JOXER: Hi Xena.

XENA: Mmm, should I leave you two alone? (Smiles)

GAB: Let's just get outta here.

XENA: All right.

(They start walking towards Argo)

JOXER: Hey Gabby? (Runs up behind them) Does this mean you love me too?

(Xena and Gabrielle both laugh)


GAB: Yes you moron! (Walks off behind Xena and Argo)

JOXER: Oh. (Pauses) Oh!


Joxer finds out love still hurts during the writing of this story.
Xena found out he's not that bad a kisser.

Melissa McMahan at greenwaterpurpledirt@yahoo.com

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