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Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures, they do not belong to me (although I wish they did!). All other characters and the story are property of the author. No infringement of copyright is intended and no money is being made in any way. So don't send the copyright cops around to put a Bard still wet behind the ears behind bars, coz that would just be mean!.

Love/Sex Warning: Well, there isn't any sex in the story but it is suggested. It does, however, involve a little bit of romancing between our two favourite gal pals so if you don't like that sort of thing you should probably go read something else other than this little tale.

Spoiler: Not so much a Xena episode spoiler but if you haven't seen the X-Files episode Triangle then it could spoil it a little coz there's a lot of references to it and one or two lines spoken by Xena are taken directly from the episode.

One Last Thing: This story is totally made up. None of the events mentioned have happened in history to my knowledge, enjoy!.


One Slip, two bumps, two times

By Lava-lamp


Gabrielle sat on the bank; the sun was high in the beautiful blue sky. The bard could feel the heat beating down on her face. She had her favourite quill in her hand and was writing frantically. Occasionally she would pause, adjust her sitting position and look towards Xena.

'Trout or perch?' Xena called from the water

'Trout please' Gabrielle answered. She giggled a little; it was quite a funny site. There she was, the ex-warlord, the ex-destroyer of nations, the all round tough lady frolicking around in the water trying to catch their lunch with not much success.

'Problems?' Gabrielle teased

'No, the fish are just being difficult!' Xena half growled

'I could er, go get some berries or..' Gabrielle began, trying to control her laughter.

'No!, we're having fish!'

'Ok, ok, but you've been in there now for nearly an hour' Gabrielle smiled and adjusted herself so she could get up quickly 'You're..., starting to look a little green around the gills!'

'Right, that's it!' Xena roared and practically flew out of the water towards Gabrielle 'Time the little bard went for a little swim with all her clothes on I think!'

Gabrielle screamed and ran as fast as she could. She could hear Xena close behind her.

'Oh come Xena, you can take a joke right?...'

The roar that came from behind her made her quicken her pace. 'Maybe not!'

'I've got you now Gabri...'

The huge thump made Gabrielle stop and look around 'Xena?..., Xena?'

Gabrielle could see Xena on the ground. She ran to protect her, thinking they were being ambushed. She looked down at her fallen friend. Xena had a nasty head wound, but there was no sign of any weapon being used.

'Xena?, can you hear me?'

Gabrielle cradled her friend's head. As she lifted the upper part of the warrior's body towards her she noticed a rock with a smear of blood on it.


Suddenly it dawned on the bard.

'So that's what happened!, you tripped over this thing and knocked yourself out' Gabrielle said to the unconscious warrior 'Well, it's not been a very successful day for you has it Warrior Princess?.'



Xena awoke beside the bank with the most painful headache she'd ever had. Her vision was slightly blurred. She looked up to find her companion holding a sword to her throat.

'Gabrielle?, what in Tartarus are you doing?'

'You keep that mouth shut Roman!'

'Roman?, Gabrielle, it's me!, Xena!'

'I don't know any Xena' Came the reply

'Gabrielle have you been on the Henbane again?'


'So you're not on Henbane?, Gabrielle what's going on?' Xena asked

'As if I'd tell you Roman, you'd probably use it to call me up for crucifixion'

Suddenly, the Warrior realised she wasn't where she thought she was

'Look, I'm not a Roman, Caesar is my most hated enemy'

The Gabrielle look-a-like started to laugh. 'Caesar?, he is just a child!, no

more than 4 moons old, a worthy opponent for warrior faint of heart!'

She moved the sword away from Xena's throat and placed it back in its sheath on her back.

'Caesar is a child?' The warrior asked puzzled, wincing as she stood up

'Yes, but he is destined to rule Rome, when he reaches 30 summers'

' Who heads the Roman army at present?'


'Naylius The Great?'

'Yes, the Caesar you speak of, he's his grandfather. You are either confused or simply insane Warrior!'

'My name isn't Warrior, it's Xena, and I'm not insane!'

'Xena?, do you fight with us or against us?'

'With' Xena answered 'But I need some time to get my head together'

The look-a-like studied the Warrior's features, which made Xena a little uneasy.

'That's a nasty wound, you'd better come back to my hut where I can treat it'

She led Xena through the undergrowth of the forest towards her home.

'Are you any good at climbing trees?'

'Sheeee-yaaa!' Xena yelled and flipped up to the hut 'Does that answer your question?'

The look-a-like smiled; she liked this stranger already.

Xena waited patiently as her newly found companion ascended the tree.

'I take it you're an Amazon?'

'No, just a Warrior fighting for the greater good' Xena replied 'Look I know this may sound crazy but I'm from the future and so are you. How we have ended up here in this situation must be a joke of the Gods'

'Look Xena, I not from the future'

'Gabrielle, you are, you're memory is playing tricks!, the time reversal has added strange things to your mind'

'Ok, Xena, whatever you say' Poor thing, her mind must be battle scarred The look-a-like thought

'So what's the situation here at the moment?. If it is thirty summers before our births, then Greece should be winning, yes?'

'No, Meanzius, a large village not far from here is the driving force behind the Greek resistance, and they are on their last legs. Once they fall, Rome will win'

'We can't let that happen!. Gabrielle don't you remember?, Meanzius wins the war for Greece, Naylius retreats and the Greeks are freed from slavery' Xena explained

'I don't think that's going to happen Xena' The look-a-like answered doubtfully

'It has to!, how far is, Meanzius from here?'

'Half a candle marks walk'

'Right, the sooner we leave, the sooner we beat the Romans'

'Xena, this is crazy, maybe you're crazy, maybe I'm crazy but...'

'You have to trust me' Xena said and looked directly into her companion's eyes.

The look-a-like saw something in Xena's eyes which made her trust her.

'Ok, I trust you, but we'll have to hurry, help is needed urgently'


Xena and the look-a-like were walking quickly eager to get to Meanzius. They soon reached the village.

'Ok, so we're here, but how in Tartarus are we supposed to get in?'

'Jump on my back and hold on' Xena replied


'Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!' Xena cried as she and her companion flew from turret to turret as they scaled the village walls.

'Are you sure you're not an Amazon?' The look-a-like asked as they landed inside the village

'Gabrielle, you should know' The Warrior said and smiled

'Xena, I'm not Gabrielle!'

'Sure you are!, your memory is just messed up a little'

'Xena....' The look-a-like began but was cut off by a band of armed guards

'What is your business here strangers?' One asked

'We're Greeks fighting against Naylius. We've come to help your village' Xena answered

'Can you both fight?'

'As good as any man' The look-a-like replied

'Then you'll be posted on the battlements, take your positions now!'

Suddenly there was a huge roar of commotion coming from outside the village walls.

'This is it men!, our last stand. The Romans are going to charge the village, I wish you all luck.' The head of the Meanzius army cried above the noise of battle.

'Wait a minute, stand fast' Xena cried to the army

'You maybe Greek, woman but you seem to be fighting for the wrong side!' A soldier shouted at her.

'No, let her have her say!' The look-a-like shouted back at him

'You, you, you and you; help me with this catapult' Xena said

'Xena?' The look-a-like said quietly 'What are you doing?'

'In our time, this war was won using a single catapult' She replied

The soldiers placed the catapult where Xena had said to and were awaiting her command.

'On my friends command men' Xena said and looked at her companion 'Gabrielle, as soon as you hear the Romans pounding at the door, fire the catapult directly into the centre. You'll take out more than three quarters of the army and you will injure Naylius, forcing him into a retreat back to Rome'

'Xena, the war might favour us anyway, why are you so desperate to make sure it does?'

'If we lose, time will alter, Rome will win. Greece will no longer exist'

Xena looked the catapult.

'And in all likelihood neither will you or I' The Warrior continued

The look-a-like, starred at the Warrior.

'So, in case I never see you again..' Xena grabbed the look-a-like and pulled her in for a long passionate kiss.

'By the Gods Gabrielle...

The look-a-like seemingly reluctant to pull away, picked up a staff lying on the ground and cracked Xena squarely on the head.



'Xena?..., Xena?'

'Did we win?, did we beat the Romans?' The Warrior asked coming around

'What are talking about?' Gabrielle asked

'Did you fire the catapult like I asked you to?' Xena asked

'Catapult?' Gabrielle asked confused

'You were there with me, we went back in time to save Greece, don't you remember?'

'Er..., no..., I think you hit your head a lot harder than I first thought'

'Come on Gabrielle, don't you remember this?' Xena asked and pulled her friend down to her lips for a loving kiss.

'I think I'd remember something like that Xena' Gabrielle said half in shock half in a daze

'You're not going to hit me with your staff again are you?, coz, my head feels like it's gone to Tartarus and back'

'You really think I'd do that?' Gabrielle said and smiled down at her Warrior 'It took all this time and whopping great lump on your head for us to get this far. I wouldn't want to scare you off now would I?'

'Scare me off?, very funny Gabrielle; c'mere' The warrior said and pulled her bard in for another kiss.

'I love you Xena' Gabrielle whispered into the Warrior's ear

'I love you too Gabrielle' Xena answered and put her arms around the bard's back giving her a loving hug. 'Hey Gabrielle, what happened to your sword?


The End

Any veteran Bardy-Poo's or Fan Fic readers that would like to give their thoughts on my third piece of work please do, comments are very much appreciated.

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