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Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Aunt Hilda, Aunt Zelda and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Sabrina, the Teenage Witch," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of ABC, Archie Comics and Viacom. Xena, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series "Xena: Warrior Princess," together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of Universal Studios. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.

All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.


Xelda: Warrior Princess?
Or, Xena At Westbridge High

by Erich

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter One

A sharp shriek brought Xena's head whipping round to the sound's source. Several yards away, Gabrielle was waist-deep in bog, hopelessly entangled by her own efforts at extricating herself.

"Oh, my," Callisto gasped with feigned concern, "It looks like your little friend's gone and gotten herself caught in quicksand! Nasty stuff--I know from experience."

As Xena assessed the situation, Callisto's mockery continued. "It looks like it's come down to a choice between catching me and saving your friend. I have to admit, I love seeing you stuck in these dilemmas. Wish I could stick around and bask in the angst, but I've got to be going." With that, she kicked her steed in the sides, laughing as it galloped away.

Callisto was wrong, of was no dilemma at all. Xena had not even heard her taunts as she rushed to Gabrielle's rescue. "Don't struggle," she urged, "you'll only sink in deeper." Once she arrived at the bog, it was a simple matter to cut down some sturdy vines and extend the impromptu lifeline to the half-submerged bard.

"Callisto escaped," Gabrielle observed in an apologetic tone.

"She ran away," Xena replied, "but she hasn't escaped yet. It may not happen soon...but I--we--will make her face her judgment."

"All right, Xena! You tell 'em, sister!" the small black cat cheered as the TV screen faded to black.

"Salem, are you watching that silly program again?" Zelda Spellman asked as she walked into the tastefully-furnished living room, closely followed by her sister Hilda.

"Silly program? You must be referring to something else. You couldn't possibly mean the incomparable Xena: Warrior Princess, not by any stretch of the imagination."

"Whatever," Hilda sighed, "now scootch over. It's almost time for our show."

The cat grumbled as the sisters shooed him aside and parked themselves on the couch. Hilda picked up the remote and changed the channel.

"You know, it's kind of a blessing in disguise that OtherRealmMedia is out, and we're stuck with these mortal channels," she remarked. "I would never have discovered this show otherwise."

"Ssh!" urged Zelda. "It's starting!"

A deep, authoritative and enthusiastic voice issued from the TV set. "Tonight, the Travel Channel takes you to exotic, sunny Trinidad!"

"Sonny Trinidad?" Hilda asked. "Didn't I go out with him once?"

"Hush, Hilda."

The sisters sat rapt in the gorgeous scenery as the travelogue continued. The time flew by until, almost an hour later, a young blonde girl rushed energetically through the front door. "Hi Aunt Hilda Hi Aunt Zelda," she blurted out before stopping in her tracks. "What's this?" Sabrina asked, stepping up behind the couch and turning her attention to the screen.

"Well," Zelda explained, "since our Other Realm cable company isn't working--"

"57,000 channels and nothing on," Hilda interrupted.

Ignoring her, Zelda continued. "We've been exploring what mortal broadcasting has to offer, and, well...we've developed something of an addiction to the Travel Channel."

"It's about as close as we can get to a real vacation lately."

"Oh," Sabrina said, "well, I'll just let you get back to your show."

At that point, the announcer intoned: "Join us again tomorrow for a journey to beautiful Barbados!"

"Oh, Barbados!" Hilda squealed. "I love Barbados! Gosh, we haven't been there in ages! When was it?"

"You know perfectly well, Hilda. Remember? The great landslip of 1786...?"

"Oh, throw that in my face again!" Hilda pouted. "Anyway, it looks like the place is fixed up pretty nice now."

"Yes," Zelda sighed. "Truth to tell, I wouldn't mind going back there myself."

As her aunts wistfully contemplated the splendor of the Caribbean, the wheels started turning in Sabrina's mind.

*   *   *

Her aunts' dreams of a tropical vacation continued to gnaw at the back of Sabrina's thoughts all through school the next day. At lunch, she brought up the subject in conversation with her boyfriend Harvey.

"I dunno," she said, "it's just kinda sad. I mean, Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda work so hard, what with taking care of me plus their own jobs...they really do deserve a nice vacation, but they just don't have the time."

"I know what you mean," Harvey replied, "my mom loves those travel shows too. It's like you get to fit an entire trip in just one hour...sometimes I think she'd like to just, y'know, get inside the program."

Sabrina's wheels clicked into high gear.

After she got home, Sabrina rushed to her room and consulted her book of spells. "Let's see...technomancy...telephone pranks...ah! Here we go, 'television spells.'" She scanned the page until she found the appropriate enchantment. After reading the instructions, she chanted: "Aunts Hilda and Zelda need a change of scene, so help get them into the video screen."

A swirl of colored lights, and a small black box with many buttons materialized in Sabrina's hand. On it was inscribed "The Ultimate Remote."

"Perfect!" she grinned.

Sabrina carried the remote down into the living room and sat down in front of the TV. "Okay," she said, "this thing seems pretty self-explanatory." She carefully manipulated the buttons as she continued, "Okay, 'menu'...then 'prog'...and now, just punch in the date...the time...and the channel for their travel show." She paused. "Gee, you'd think something this advanced would be able to handle those VCR Plus numbers."

Just then, the telephone rang. Sabrina set the remote down on the couch as she rose to answer it.

In the corner of the living room, Salem had been oblivious to Sabrina's activity, as his attention was focused exclusively on a fluttering moth close to his head.

"That's it, baby," he muttered, "come to papa Salem..."

His paws lashed out and batted at empty air. The moth flew away.

"Come back here!" Salem howled. "Oh, you're gonna wish you stayed in your cocoon..."

Sabrina picked up the phone. "Spellman residence," she declared into the receiver.

"Hey, Sabrina," replied the soft voice on the other end.

"Hey, Val! What's up?"

As Sabrina and her best friend chatted on the phone, Salem pounced after his quarry. The moth hovered nearby, tantalizingly close to his reach. "I've got you now," Salem gloated, leaping up onto the couch. As he scurried over the cushions, his paws trampled over the keypad of the remote.

He bounded off the armrest and flew gracefully through the air, coming to a perfect four-point landing on the throw rug. His momentum carried the rug sliding across the floor, but Salem remained perfectly upright on its center.

"Have I got style, or what?" Salem grinned, then paused. "Now, what was I doing? Curse this feline attention span!"

The moth fluttered away unnoticed.

"Okay, Val," Sabrina said as her conversation wound down, "I'll see you tonight at the Slicery. So long!"

Hanging up the phone, she returned to the couch and picked up the remote once more. "Okay, I've got all the info entered in--now I just have to press 'save' and...presto!" She grinned. "Perfect! Now, when Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda sit down for their travel show tonight, they'll get that dream vacation they've been wishing for."

*   *   *

After dinner that evening, Sabrina walked into the kitchen and found her aunts sitting at the table. Zelda was engrossed in the latest issue of her scientific journal, while Hilda was busy filling out a crossword puzzle.

"Say, aren't you guys supposed to be watching that travel show?" Sabrina asked.

Zelda glanced at her watch. "Well, it's not quite time yet. We still have a few minutes."

"Well, I mean, you don't want to miss the start." Sabrina winced inwardly. If they aren't there when the spell takes effect... "After all, for a place like Barbados, you'd kick yourself if you missed even a single second."

"My," Zelda observed, "you seem to have caught this Travel Channel fever as well!"

"Aw," Hilda jumped in, "we might as well go in now...even if it does mean being exposed to Salem's Xena-mania for a minute or two."

On the television screen, Xena was riding her steed Argo through a field of tall grass, sharing a laugh with Gabrielle as she walked alongside them.

"Ah yes," Salem purred, "approaching the perfect end of another perfect episode."

Hilda and Zelda walked up to the couch, Hilda pushing Salem aside as she took her seat.

"Hey!" Salem yelped, "Do you mind?" He climbed into her lap and stared into her eyes. "I believe this hour was set aside for my enjoyment?"

"Oh, relax," Hilda groaned, "you can still catch the end of your little show."

Perfect, Sabrina thought, they're in position. Now, as soon as their show starts, the spell will--

At that moment, all three occupants of the couch shimmered and wavered like a wobbly broadcast signal, and were sucked into the waiting television screen.

Hilda and Zelda found themselves standing in the middle of an open field. Immediately, they asked "What happened?" and "Where are we?," their voices overlapping so it was unclear which one had asked which question. Down by their feet, hidden by the lush foliage, Salem replied "Don't you--pffst--recognize the scenery? It's--pfgh--just like that Xena we were just watching?" A brief pause. "Could somebody--huphs--please pick me up so I don't have to keep talking through this grass?"

Zelda looked out toward the sky. "Sabrina?" she demanded. "What have you done this time?"

"And could you please undo it?" Hilda added.

Sabrina could hear her aunts' voices coming from the television set, though she did not see them--her attention being focused on the two startled women and the thoroughly confused white horse that were currently wrecking the living room.

"I'm a little busy with some problems of my own!" she shouted back to the set.

No permanent damage was done to either the Xenaverse or the Sabrinaverse in the production of this fanfic. However, they both learned to laugh at each other--and themselves. All animal action was monitored by the Other Realm Humane Society. No cats, horses or moths were harmed in the making of this story.


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