SHOCKING PERFORMANCE

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Copyright © 1999, by Eddie A. Palmer. (The characters: Xena, Gabrielle, Argo, Cyrene, Autolycus, Joxer, Hercules, and Eolaus are the copyright property of MCA/Universal Studios and Renaissance Pictures). No copyright infringement was intended in writing this script. There are several real people depicted in this script: Lucy Lawless, Renee O’Connor, Robert Tapert, Hudson Lieck, Ted Raimi, Kevin Sorbo, Michael Hurst, Kevin Smith. They are in this script purely for entertainment purposes, and my depiction in no way reflects the true charactor of these individuals. They are here because I like them. All other characters and the story itself are the sole copyright property of the author, and may not be used in any way without permission.

Please send me your comments at: palmer555@juno.com

XENA: WARRIOR PRINCESS

"SHOCKING PERFORMANCE"

By Ed Palmer

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. OUTERSPACE, THE STARS, JEWELS ON BLACK VELVET - NIGHT

Our point of view scans across the astronomical scene. Suddenly, a weather satelite sweeps by in its orbit around Earth. Our point of view turns farther and then rapidly zooms toward the cloud-shrouded planet.

INT. A TELEVISION STATION WEATHER DEPT. - DAY

The chief meteorologist, SEDRIC TOWNSEND, 27 and a sharp dresser, is surrounded by a vast array of modern electronic and computerized equipment.

The bank of monitors are displaying a wide variety of meteorological data. The main monitor- which shows what is being broadcast- is switched to a satellite feed, and the water-vapor image shows a swirling cloud system that is presently obscuring most of the Tasman Sea. New Zealand is outlined in bright green, and we can clearly see that the country is under moderate-to-heavy cloud cover.

SEDRIC
(to the TV audience)
Here's that system that we
have been tracking for quite
sometime now. This storm
brought record rainfall and
intense lightning to
Australia over the weekend,
and the North Island of
New Zealand is now bracing
for what may prove to be the
worst storm of the season.
I'll have an update for you
at the end of our telecast.

CUT TO:

INT. THE TV NEWS ANCHOR DESK - SAME

The co-anchors are CATHERINE RYAN and KEITH RIGGS.

Keith, 35, looks like an executive playboy. He is obviously very happy with himself at this point in his life and his career. Everything intrigues him and makes him smile.

Catherine, 30, is beautiful and totally professional. She is obviously a ratings ploy that no doubt works. She exudes cool confidence in front of the cameras. Her striking outfit is perfect, her hair is perfect, and her face is perfect. She has a slight well-cultivated English accent, which only adds to her charm.

KEITH
On the local scene, there is
a new exhibit opening today
at the Auckland World Museum.
It is part of a cultural
exchange program that is
causing quite a stir. The new
exhibit is a bold attempt to
bring Ancient Greece to our
city for a six-month visit.

CUT TO:

INT. A MONITOR - SAME

We can see the activities going on at the museum.

CATHERINE (V.o.)
On hand for the opening today
was our own Lucy Lawless and
American actress Renee O'Connor.
Dressed as Xena and Gabrielle
from the popular television
series, the beautiful and
talented duo greeted the public
and answered questions from
eager reporters.

KEITH (V.o.)
It’s a photo-op that has really
drawn more attention than most
museum openings, which, of course,
was the whole idea.
(a beat)
As you can see, the event is
still going on at this hour. It
looks like a tremendous success,
and a lot of fun. Kiki Alexander
has been on the scene all day,
and we’ll get her take on all
this.

CUT TO:

INT. THE MUSEUM - SAME

KIKI ALEXANDER is a young and perky blonde who is obviously enjoying this assignment. This gal is from Dallas, and she hasn’t completely lost the twang in her voice. As she stands with her back to the crowd, holding her microphone and speaking to the camera, we can see the lively spectators and we can occasionally catch a glimpse of Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor in the background.

KIKI
As might be expected this
is a younger and much more
exuberant group than the
average museum crowd, but
everybody seems to think
that is just great. As one
museum spokesperson pointed
out, Lucy Lawless and Renee
O’Connor will be here for
only one day. The exhibit
will be here for six months.
Everyone involved with this
special event is calling it
an unqualified success.
(a beat)
I’m Kiki Alexander, live at
the Auckland World Museum. Now
back to you in the studio.

CUT TO:

INT. THE ANCHOR DESK - SAME

KEITH
It's really beginning to look like
those museum visitors should have
brought their umbrellas. And,
speaking of ancient Greece, maybe
Zeus is throwing all those
lightning bolts in some kind of
protest.

CATHERINE
(laughs, doubtfully)
Well, I don’t know about that,
but let's get an update on the
weather.
(a beat)
That storm looks rather menacing
to me, Sedric.

CUT TO:

INT. THE WEATHER STATION - SAME

SEDRIC
That it is, Catherine. In one
respect we are very fortunate. The
winds associated with this system
have remained sub-cyclonic, and we
don't expect any strengthening. The
danger is in the amount of rain
and the vast amount of lightning
being generated by this system. And,
Keith, if it is Zeus he’s really in
a bad mood about something.

CUT TO:

INT. THE MAIN MONITOR - SAME

The satellite monitor, displaying the water-vapor image. The large white bands of clouds swirling around the low-pressure area have now moved much closer to the west coast of New Zealand.

SEDRIC (V.o.)
It now appears that this storm
will pass over the northern tip
of North Island later today and
going into the early evening. In
about two hours the Auckland area
will receive the full brunt of
this violent storm. Again, there
will be heavy rainfall and very
dangerous lightning. There is a
severe weather alert in affect
for all of North Island until
midnight. While we don’t expect
any major flooding problems, it
is virtually a certainty that the
lightning alert will be upgraded
to a warning for the Auckland area
and points north, probably within
the hour and extending to at least
midnight. Please stay with us for
updates throughout the evening.

CUT TO:

EXT. AUCKLAND WORLD MUSEUM - SAME

Windswept sheets of heavy rain wash across the glass and concrete facade of the large modern building, and almost obscure the impressive bronze placard that reads: Auckland World Museum. Lightning flashes, closely followed by loud rumbling thunder.

CUT TO:

INT. THE MUSEUM EXHIBITION AREA - SAME

Bad weather or not, the crowd shows little signs of thinning out. A mob of photographers are clustered near the celebrities and dignitaries. Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor are being escorted into one of the Greek exhibits, an impressive display of Greek architecture. The two stars assume a pose on either side of a large, tall column. They reach up and place their hands on the column, smiling down at the cameras.

The flashbulbs unleash a barrage of bright light, then there is an even louder and brighter flash. Lightning bolts split the museum’s ceiling into several sections, dropping large chunks of the building to the floor. The lightning streaks down the columns and explodes through the polished tile floor. Lucy and Renee both take a powerful jolt, and they are flung across the wide floor, where they lay unconscious. Then the whole area is filled with a thick ionized cloud that glows brightly for a moment and then fades away, as residual sparks dance across the floor and disappear.

The crowd suddenly erupts into screams and confusion. No one seems to know what to do. People are mindlessly running in every direction.

FADE OUT:

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. AN AUCKLAND STREET - NIGHT

The storm is still raging, with intense lightning and explosive thunder, and heavy rain in windswept sheets. The weather has cut the traffic down to only a few vehicles creeping along the wide, six-lane boulevard.

With lights flashing and sirens blaring, two ambulances come speeding into view. They race down the street, then slowly brake to make a sharp right turn. They continue up the curved driveway leading to a large metropolitan hospital, and stop under the covered entrance of the emergency room. The large chrome letters high above the wide doors read: ST. MARY’S MERCY HOSPITAL.

Even before the patients can be wheeled inside, A TELEVISION VAN pulls up and stops a few yards from the entrance.

CUT TO:

INT. THE TV NEWS VAN - SAME

Kiki Alexander is sitting on the passenger side of the front seat. The cameraman, RANDY BOWERS, is holding his camera in his lap, even though he is uncomfortably wedged between Kiki and the driver, MIKE GORMAN.

KIKI
(impatiently)
Park under the shelter, you
idiot. You know this weather
is hell on my hair!

MIKE
Five hours in the sheets
didn’t hurt your hair last
night, so what’s five minutes
in the rain gonna hurt?

KIKI
You bastard.

RANDY
(embarrassed)
Uh, I really gotta go to the
men’s room.

KIKI
No, and shut up! Now, come on,
we have a job to do. This story
will go international, and we’re
going right along with it.

MIKE
Are you still on that CNN kick?

KIKI
It’s what I want, you moron! Just
because you don’t have an ounce of
ambition doesn’t mean I don’t!

They start piling out of the van.

CUT TO:

INT. THE EMERGENCY ROOM - SAME

Lucy and Renee are wheeled in on gurneys. They are still unconscious, and covered with sheets, except for their faces. Doctors and nurses are hovering over the patients, shouting commands back and forth.

Kiki and the news crew stampede into the triage area and charge through the crowd to get as close to the patients as possible.

A DOCTOR
(angrily)
Get these people out of
here now!

A security guard rushes over and attempts to block Kiki and the cameraman. Mike steps forward and pushes the guard aside.

MIKE
This is big news, pal. The
people have a right to know.

KIKI
(impressed)
Thanks, Mike.

Randy is already rolling his camera, capturing the whole scene as it unfolds.

SECURITY GUARD
You can’t come in here. No
camera’s are allowed in here!

A man, HASSU JABUL, who looks like a business man or perhaps a politician, comes walking up. He is about 40, stocky, with a thick head of black hair and a black mustache. He is obviously from the middle east.

JUBAL
Hold on! I want them to stay.

GUARD
And who are you?

Hassu Jabul pulls an automatic pistol from inside his coat and shoots the guard in the head. Kiki and a couple more people scream, then silence fills the place. Mike puts his arms around Kiki and pulls her back a couple of steps.

JUBAL
(to the dead guard)
Who am I? I am the one who
says they can stay.
(to Mike)
Step away from the lady.

Mike reluctantly does as he is told, leaving Kiki trembling.

Jabul holds his weapon in his left hand. He puts his left arm around Kiki’s shoulders and gently caresses her cheek with the barrel of the gun. He then takes the microphone from her with his right hand.

JABUL
Such a beauty you are. What
is your name?

KIKI
(terrified, but trying
not to show it)
Kiki. Kiki Alexander.
(a beat)
What are you going to do?

JUBAL
Just relax, my darling, you
are perfectly safe. Is this
on? Is that camera working?

KIKI
Yes, you are on live television
right now. There’s no way you
can get away with this. The police
have probably surrounded this
building already.

JABUL
(laughs)
Good!
(he looks into the camera)
Hello, New Zealand! My name is
Hassu Jabul, and I am now in
control of this hospital. The
staff, the patients, everyone
here is my prisoner.

CUT TO:

INT. NEWS ANCHOR DESK - SAME

Keith Riggs and Catherine Ryan are in shock. They finally pull their eyes away from the monitors and start shouting to the other people in the studio.

CATHERINE
Somebody call the police, and
make sure they know what’s
going on down there.

KEITH
And I think somebody should
get on the horn to Wellington.
(a beat)
And get this on the uplink to
the satellite, and keep it there.
No breaks for any reason.
(a beat)
We need to get Kiki out of there.

CATHERINE
(almost laughs)
She wants to be a hotshot reporter,
so let her. Besides it’s a real big
break for us that they are in there.
Let’s just hope that they can keep
transmitting.

Keith looks at Catherine with disapproval, but then he nods.

CUT TO:

INT. THE HOSPITAL - SAME

Hassu Jabul is still on the air.

JABUL
(to the camera)
I assure you no one will be
harmed if they cooperate, and
if my demands are promptly met.
I will get back to you later
with a list of those demands.
(he looks at Kiki, and returns
the microphone)
And how do you sign off?

KIKI
(frightened
and uncertain)
Terrorists have taken over
this hospital.

JABUL
(softly)
I just told them that, Kiki.

Kiki looks around the large room, and through open doorways into other areas. The terrorists are easy to spot.

KIKI
(to the camera)
From my vantage point I can
see a dozen armed men, but I
am certain there are others.

JABUL
(points his
gun at her head)
I really must insist.

KIKI
(swallows hard, then
finds her voice again)
Please, somebody help us.
This is Kiki Alexander at St.
Mary’s Mercy Hospital, and
now back to you in the studio.

JABUL
(smiles)
You will get your big story,
Kiki. A real... scoop, yes?

KIKI
That’s not half what you’re
going to get.

Jabul turns and walks away, laughing lightly. Then he stops and turns back to face the crowd.

JABUL
(firmly)
I want everyone to move to
the cafeteria immediately!
(to his men)
Search everyone for weapons,
and carefully check their
credentials. There may be
someone here who could be
useful to us.

With the armed terrorists herding them like cattle, all the prisoners exit the emergency room. One gunman stops by the two gurneys and points his weapon at the patients.

GUNMAN
What about them?

A DOCTOR
(pausing at
the door)
Never mind about them, they’re
both dead. They might have
survived if we had been allowed
to do our job.

JABUL
I too have a job to do, Doctor.
These women are casualties of
war. There are always casualties
of war.

DOCTOR
Unfortunately, I am not unfamiliar
with death, but the death that you
cause is senseless and unnecessary.

JABUL
That is where you are wrong. Death
serves a very definite purpose.

DOCTOR
What can you possibly hope
to gain by taking over this
hospital? Whatever you want,
they won’t give it to you,
and they will never let you
and your people escape.

JABUL
Who said, “Give me a big
enough lever, and I’ll move
the world”? I have a very
big lever, Doctor. Now get
out of my sight. I would
like to keep you alive for
now, because your services
may be needed before this is
over.

The doctor hopelessly shakes his head and walks away, as one of the terrorists pushes him with the butt of his weapon.

JABUL
(continuing, giving
orders to his men)
Finish wiring all the entrances
with explosives. The basement
and the first three floors are
secure. We will now search this
building, floor by floor, and
room by room.
(a beat)
Three of you stay here, and three
go to the back area. The rest of
you know what to do, so get moving.

Three of the terrorists stay, as they were told, while Jabul and the others leave. Once the place is cleared out, two of the men go to the main entrance and activate the sensors on the explosives that have already been placed there. The third man slowly paces down the corridor in the opposite direction.

When the two men walk back to the gurneys, Xena sits up and looks at them. They are startled and just stare at her.

XENA
Hello, boys.

She notices that one man’s pants are wet.

XENA
(continuing)
Is it still raining or did
I cause you to have a little
accident?

They glance at each other, then move toward Xena. She leaps off the gurney, kicks one man in the gut, and slugs the other one. They both go down.

The third man unleashes a spray of warning shots over Xena’s head. She whirls around and throws her chakrum, burying it deep in the shooters chest. He falls on his back, and his weapon slides away down the corridor.

Xena pulls the sheet off Gabrielle and flings it away. She slaps her friend a couple of times in the face.

GABRIELLE
(angrily)
What? What? What, already?

XENA
C’mon, we gotta get out of here.

Xena and Gabrielle walk to the dead man. With a distasteful snarl, Xena jerks her chakrum from the lifeless body.

The wide double doors at the end of the corridor burst open with a loud crash. Three terrorists rush out and level their guns at the women. A nearby elevator suddenly opens. Xena shoves Gabrielle inside, as a hail of bullets rip into the doors and walls right behind them.

A young orderly frantically pushes the buttons on the control panel. The doors close and the elevator swiftly rises. Xena feels the vibration and reacts.

XENA
We’re moving.

ORDERLY
Yes, we’re going up.

XENA
Up where?

ORDERLY
Personally, I’d like to go
just as far as we can.

A doctor, who was hiding behind a gurney with a male patient on it, stands up. The muscular man on the gurney is moaning with intense pain.

XENA
What’s wrong with him?

DOCTOR
Dislocated shoulder and
possibly fractures. We were
on the way to x-ray when all
hell broke loose.

XENA
Are you a physician?

DOCTOR
Yes.

XENA
This man needs help now.

Xena jumps onto the gurney and straddles the patient. She stiffens her fingers and gives the man a hard jab to the upper chest. He goes limp. She places the heel of her boot in his right armpit, then gives his arm a quick jerk. She delivers another jab to his upper chest, then jumps to the floor.

PATIENT
(working his arm)
The pain’s gone! It feels
great!

DOCTOR
Where did you learn that?

XENA
I get around. You pick up
things, you know? I have
many skills.

GABRIELLE
Have you heard of Hippocrates?

DOCTOR
All doctors know Hippocrates.

GABRIELLE
Well, Xena, practically taught
him everything he knows.

XENA
Oh, I did not! Although I do
think I set him on the right
course.

ORDERLY
You two do know it’s 1999?

GABRIELLE
What does that mean?

DOCTOR
It means Hippocrates lived....
and died twenty-five hundred
years ago.

Gabrielle quickly looks at Xena.

XENA
We don’t have time to worry
about that right now. Just
staying alive is apparently
going to take all our effort.

GABRIELLE
I bet Ares is behind this.

XENA
This certainly looks like his
work, but I don’t think so.

Xena suddenly slaps her arms back against the elevator wall.

XENA
(continuing)
I want out of this thing!
It’s like a death trap.

ORDERLY
(frightened by
the warrior woman)
Okay! Okay! We’re stopping!

The orderly again pushes the buttons. The elevator stops on the eighteenth floor, and Xena and Gabrielle step into an empty corridor.

INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - SAME

The elevator doors close, and the two women look totally lost and unsure about what to do next. Xena spots a door labeled STAIRS. Xena and Gabrielle go through the door and begin climbing the stairs.

EXT. THE HOSPITAL ROOF - SAME

On the twenty-fifth floor Xena and Gabrielle emerge onto the roof. The rain has stopped for the moment, but it is a dark overcast night sky above them. Gabrielle gasps as she looks out at the vast city of Auckland, and the myriad bright and colorful lights sparkling like jewels.

GABRIELLE
By the gods, Xena! Where are
we?

XENA
I don’t know, Gabrielle, but
it’s a safe bet we’re not in
Greece anymore.

A loud strange sound draws their attention. They look up to see a large helicopter descending toward them.

GABRIELLE
(frightened)
What kind of creature is
that?

XENA
It’s a man-made machine. C’mon
let’s get out of sight.

Xena and Gabrielle run across the wide roof and hide behind an array of vents and utility sheds. The helicopter sets down on the circular pad that is painted white with a large red cross in the center. The hatch opens and about a dozen men with automatic weapons jump out and rush to the elevator, where they disappear behind the sliding doors.

XENA
(not happy)
It’s more of those warriors.

GABRIELLE
What are we going to do, Xena?
These are strange people, with
even stranger weapons, and
machines that can fly like a
giant insect.

XENA
They’re just people, and this is
war. In war, you choose a side
and then you fight. Anyway, we’re
trapped here. There’s no way we
can just walk away from this.

GABRIELLE
And you wouldn’t if you could.

XENA
(firm resolve)
No, I wouldn’t.

Xena slowly stands and looks across at the helicopter. Three armed men are standing guard at the large chopper.

XENA
Come on.

Gabrielle closely follows as Xena leads the way around the maze on the wide roof. They sprang from cover and pounce on the three terrorists before they have time to react. Xena slugs one, then whirls around and kicks the other two. All three lay at her feet unconscious.

Xena opens the door of the helicopter and jumps inside. She looks around, unsure what to do, but then she spots an access panel on the instrument console. She quickly snaps it out and reaches inside to pull out a handful of colorful wires. With a hard jerk, she rips the wires out and throws them outside. Then she jumps back to the roof beside Gabrielle.

XENA
That should slow them down a
little, at least. C’mon, let’s
get away from here.

They run toward the entrance to the building.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. RENAISSANCE PICTURES, NEW ZEALAND - NIGHT

Establishing shot, as bright flashes of LIGHTNING illuminates the sign out front and the buildings in the background.

INT. LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - SAME.

The RUMBLE OF DISTANT THUNDER can be heard as a group of people enter the room and approach the man who is already at the wide table looking over several large sheets of paper. The man, ROBERT TAPERT, looks up as the new arrivals gather around.

ROB
I’m glad you could come on
such short notice.

TED RAIMI is the first to speak up, leaving the others with open but silent mouths. HUDSON LIECK is standing between Ted and Rob, eager to speak. On the other side of the table stands KEVIN SORBO, MICHAEL HURST, and KEVIN SMITH.

TED
Anything for you, Rob, babe!

HUDSON
And anything for Lucy.

ROB
Yeah, well, thanks a lot.

TED
And let’s not forget Renee.

HUDSON
Oh, yes, the poor dears. If
anything bad should happen...
(a beat)
Has there been any word of
anything bad happening?

SORBO
Let’s see, the worst storm of
the decade has ravaged New
Zealand, lightning demolished
the Auckland World Museum, Lucy
and Renee were both struck by
lightning, and they may have
been electrocuted as far as we
know. And we can’t find out
because they are trapped inside
a hospital that has been taken
over by international terrorists
who blow people’s brains out on
live television, but other than
that, Hudson it’s been a great day.

MICHAEL
(to Sorbo)
How did you come up with all
that without a script?

HUDSON
Can we back up just a moment?
You say they may have been, like
fried, but if they weren’t there
is still a good chance they’ll
get their brains blown out? Is
anyone giving odds on that?

ROB
Excuse me, darling, your concern
is really quite touching, but we
need to get down to business. We
may not have much time.

SMITH
Yeah, in your message on the
machine you said you had a plan,
but with all the cops and military
people on this thing, shouldn’t
we just stay out of the way?

MICHAEL
No wonder you play Ares so well,
you are Ares! A wimp that wants
everybody else to do the dirty
work, while you stand back and
take all the credit!

SMITH
Are you still pissed over that
softball game?

MICHAEL
I was safe!

SMITH
Out!

HUDSON
You two should be ashamed of
yourself! Poor Rob is worried
about poor little Lucy and...
you know, what’s-her-name.

TED
I think I’m gonna gag.

HUDSON
What?

TED
I said, my day’s been a real
drag, and now lucy and Renee
may be...

HUDSON
(with a grimace that
looks like a smile)
Dead! Well, go on, say it! They
may be dead already. You got to
admit, it doesn’t look good....
for them.

SORBO
Okay, just what is this plan?

Rob points to a spot on one of the large sheets of paper.

ROB
This is a layout of the streets
around the hospital.

TED
Where did you get that?

ROB
I got it off the Internet.
(a beat)
And this shows where the police
and other groups are positioned.

TED
Where did you get that?

ROB
I got it off the Internet.
(a beat)
All right, Kevin, Kevin, and
Michael what I want you three
to do is go down there and
talk to the police, you know,
distract them.

MICHAEL
How do we do that?

ROB
Talk, shake hands, pass out a
lot of eight-by-tens, sign some
autographs, the usual.

SORBO
I can do that.

HUDSON
What does that leave for me to do?

ROB
The government people have set
up their operation center at
this intersection north of the
hospital.

TED
Where did you get that?

ROB
I got it off the Internet.
(a beat)
Hudson it’s your job to go
down there and shake up the
government officials. It’s
well documented what a sexy
blonde can do to a politician
and those government types.

HUDSON
(smiling)
Oh, Rob, you say the nicest
things. Yes, you do!
(a beat)
Just saying... I mean, just saying
that something did happen to Lucy,
what are the chances I could play
Xena?

TED
From Calisto to Xena. I can see it!
They’ll just have to dye your hair
black and get you a prescription for
Valium, hey, no problem.

Hudson screeches at Ted like the maniacal Calisto.

HUDSON
Oh, sorry. It helps ease
the tension.

TED
(sticking his finger
in his ear and shaking it)
It’s hell on the ear drums.

SMITH
While we’re doing all this
distracting, what are you and
Joxer gonna be doing?

TED
That’s Ted, Kevin. How many times
have I explained that I play Joxer
on Xena and sometimes on
Hercules, too. I’m Ted.

SMITH
I don’t care, got it?

TED
And you’re not really the
God of War, remember?

SMITH
I’m not?

Kevin Sorbo and Michael Hurst take hold of Kevin Smith’s arms and lead him toward the door.

SORBO
Don’t worry about it, we’ll
explain it to him on the way.

MICHAEL
If anybody can straighten him
out, it’s Herc!

SORBO
I’m not really Hercules, either.

MICHAEL
Oh, yeah. Sorry, I keep forgetting.
(a beat)
And I’m not really Eolaus, but you
promised I could still be your pal,
your little buddy, your trusted
partner and best friend, and......

The voice fades as the three actors exit stage left, and the door closes behind them.

HUDSON
Just saying... I mean, just
saying that something should
happen to Kevin Sorbo, what
are the chances I could play
Hercules?

ROB
I just can’t resist asking,
how could we pull that off?

HUDSON
We could break new ground,
and have an episode were we
have the world’s first sex-
change operation!
(a beat)
Or one of the gods could get
mad and turn Hercules into
a beautiful, sexy blonde babe!
That’s me, you said so.

TED
Let’s see... you played a prim
school teacher on “7th Heaven”,
and an angel on “Touched By An
Angel”. If you can pull that
off, playing Hercules should be
a snap. Yeah, I say go for it!

ROB
I’ll keep that in mind, Hudson,
and I’m sure we can work out
something along those lines if...
Well, you know, if...

HUDSON
I want to thank you both, and
I’d like to thank all my fans,
and my dear parents, and my
best friend who stole my boy
friend, which taught me how to
act really pissed! And I’d like
to thank the college professor
who told me I could do anything
I wanted to do, if I’d just get
the hell out of his class. And
I would thank the doctors, but
I’m not talking to them anymore.
(a beat)
Well, I’m off to screw with the
government now. Bye, bye!

Hudson slithers out of the room.

TED
I’m telling you, Rob, she really
is Calisto. She is gonna hurt
somebody! She may go down there
and destroy this whole country!

ROB
That’s a risk we have to take.
We have to get Lucy and.....
and....

TED
What’s-her-name.

ROB
Right. We have to get them out
of there or die trying.

TED
Die? Tell me again why I am so
anxious to help you do this.

ROB
Because you want to keep your
job, because after playing
Joxer, who else would hire you?

TED
That’s the reason. So, just what
are we gonna do?

The door opens and a dozen people enter the room, nine men and three women. They stand in a close huddle in the center of the room, waiting for Rob to address them.

TED
Wow! They’re the absolute
best stuntmen, uh, persons
in the business. Are they
part of your plan?

ROB
A very big part.

BIFF LOGAN, 40, heavyset, steps up to the conference table.

BIFF
All set. You just give the
word, Bobby, and we’re ready
to rock ‘n’ roll!

TED
(laughs)
Yeah, rock ‘n’ roll and flip
and tumble and leap and
jump and fall and crash
and smash and...

ROB
(to Ted)
We get the idea.

JAKE DRAKE, 30 and muscular, steps up beside Biff.

ROB
(continuing)
Jake, you said you could
get a really big truck?

JAKE
The semi is right outside
in the parking lot, and all
eighteen wheels are raring
to roll.

TED
That’s rock ‘n’ roll.

They all look at Ted, and Ted, feeling stupid, raises his hands and nods nervously.

ROB
(projecting)
All right, guys and gals,
gather around so I can
point out a few things.

Rob selects another large sheet of paper and begins pointing to certain spots on the intricate drawing.

ROB
(continuing)
This is the layout of the
hospital, and this is the
layout of the multi-level
parking garage right behind
the hospital.

TED
(amazed again)
Where did you get that?

ROB
I got it off the Internet.

TED
Who puts all that shit on
there, anyway?

ROB
(pointing
at the paper)
There’s ten levels of parking,
and the tenth story of the
hospital is all research labs
that are empty and locked up
at night. The windows are very
tall and wide. The tenth parking
level and the tenth floor of
the hospital are fairly even,
and the distance from here to
here is only sixty feet.

TED
(laughs like
a lunatic)
Ah! Only sixty feet! Sixty
feet across... and hundreds
of feet straight down!

CANDY “CRASH” CRUSHER steps forward.

CANDY
For once, I agree with the
idiot.

TED
Idiot?

CANDY
(smiling)
Oh, that’s nothing personal,
all actors are idiots.

TED
(relieved)
Oh, well...

CANDY
Only, in your case, you’re
an idiot and a crash-test dummy.

Biff, Jake, and the others look at one another quietly, then look back at Rob. They look like they are at a funeral.

BIFF
(solemnly)
Bobby, you’re a... Producer.

ROB
I know, I’m sorry about that,
but Lucy, my darling Lucy is
in there. I’d do anything for
that woman! Anything! Even if
I die trying! And even if Ted
dies trying!

TED
(looking
pale)
Sure, I’ve got the hot’s... I
mean I really like Lucy, but,
hey, I don’t get to go home with
her, you know?

ROB
Your job.

TED
Let’s rock ‘n’ roll!

ROB
(to Biff)
You’re the damn best stunt
coordinator I know of, I’m
counting on you to pull this
all together. I’ve got it all
blocked out just like a movie,
only when it starts nobody is
going to shout cut.

BIFF
I’m with you. We’re all with
you, Bobby!

Everyone says, “Yeah!”, “Damn right!”.

TED
Whoopee!

ROB
All right, here are the fine
points to remember. The police
have a barricade across this
street here just south of the
hospital, and the entrance to
the parking is way down here
near the hospital.
(a beat)
All right, let’s get out to the
vehicles, and I’ll fill you in
on the rest of the plan.

TED
(slapping Rob
on the back)
The man with the plan!
(laughs
uneasily)
The plan! The plan! The plan!

Everyone quickly leaves the room.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL, SIXTEENTH-FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Everything seems quiet and unthreatening as Xena and Gabrielle make their way cautiously down the corridor.

GABRIELLE
Xena, how are we going to do
anything when we don’t know
who these people are, or what
they want.

XENA
That’s what we have to find
out, and soon.

GABRIELLE
How are we going to do that?
They seem ready to kill us on
sight, and we’re no match for
their weapons.

XENA
A weapon is just as good as the
person using it.

GABRIELLE
Xena, this is a different world,
a different time. The rules just
aren’t the same here.

XENA
No, that’s not true. These people
are just people like you and me.
And the rules, as you call them,
never change.

GABRIELLE
Do you have a plan? Do you even
know where to begin?

XENA
I know one thing already, they’re
searching this building from top
to bottom. They’re after something
that is very important... or very
valuable to them.

GABRIELLE
A treasure, perhaps?

XENA
I have a feeling it isn’t that
simple, it’s something more vital
than mere treasure.
(a beat)
Whatever it is, if we can find it
first, that just might give us the
upper hand. It may even be the key
to defeating the murderous bastards.

GABRIELLE
How can we look for something, when
we don’t know what it is?

XENA
We’ll have to force them to tell
us, or we’ll just have to follow
them to it.

GABRIELLE
If we could get the drop on one of
them, I suppose you could put the
pinch on him and make him talk.
(a beat)
Of course, we probably can’t even
understand his language, so he’d
probably kill us because we couldn’t
talk him out of it. As our bloody
bodies fell to the floor, we couldn’t
even call him a few choice bad names,
because he wouldn’t understand, anyway.
I like to have a talking chance! Xena,
you know that talking is my number
one weapon.

XENA
I think it’s killing me.

As they approach a closed door, they can hear sounds coming from inside. Xena steps closer and puts her ear against the door.

XENA
(quietly)
There’s somebody in there. We’re
going in, so be prepared.

GABRIELLE
How do you prepare to be blown
to Tartarus?

Xena swings the door open, and they walk inside the hospital room. A ten-year-old boy lying in the bed is the only person in the room.

XENA
(to Gabrielle)
Do you want to take him on, or
shall I?

GABRIELLE
Xena!

BOY
Wow! Xena and Gabrielle!

XENA
Do we know you?

BOY
I don’t think so, but I know
you! Everybody knows Xena, The
Warrior Princess!

Xena smiles and shrugs, as Gabrielle gives her a wry look.

XENA
Well, maybe not everybody.

The sounds they heard earlier were coming from the television. “Hercules, The Legendary Journeys” is on. Xena and Gabrielle look at it with great surprise.

XENA
Hey, I know this guy!

BOY
(laughs)
Well, of course, you do!

XENA
(hand on TV)
What is this thing?

GABRIELLE
It’s like a magician’s crystal
ball, only this one really works.

BOY
C’mon guys, I know you’re joking!
If anybody knows about television,
it’s you two.

Xena moves her hand down to the control panel and accidentally hits the channel selector. A different station comes on, and Xena instantly recognizes Hassu Jabul. He is standing in the cafeteria, and the hostages can be seen in the background. A priest and several nuns are walking from group to group, person to person.

Kiki Alexander is standing beside Jabul holding the microphone, as Jabul talks about what is happening.

We see several of the terrorists bring a large and very heavy object into the center of the large room. The mechanical-looking device is about one cubic meter in size, with openings, protruding gadgets, and an electronic control panel.

JABUL
This is a bomb. A very powerful
bomb that can take out this
entire hospital complex and a
large area of Auckland, as well.
(a beat)
Presently, it is not armed. For
now it is perfectly safe, but when
the proper time comes, this bomb
will be activated.

KIKI
When is the proper time?

JABUL
Upon our departure from your fair
country, the bomb will be activated.
When we are safely away, I will
transmit the code to stop the bomb.

One of the terrorists comes running up.

TERRORIST
(excited)
General, we have located...

Jabul quickly raises his hand to cut the man off.

JABUL
Are you positive?

TERRORIST
Almost positive, but we haven’t
entered the room yet.

JABUL
What is the room number?

TERRORIST
1632

JABUL
Get back up there, but wait for
my arrival. I want to be there
when you blow the door.

TERRORIST
Yes, Sir!

Xena turns to the boy in the bed.

XENA
Do you know where that room is?

BOY
Sure. It’s on this floor, down at
the far end of the hall, I think.

XENA
(to Gabrielle)
Let’s go.

BOY
Will I see you again?

XENA
(smiling at him)
I don’t know, but we’ll try to
see you again before we leave.

BOY
Great! Who would ever think a
hospital was a good place to
meet babes?

Xena just looks at him, uncertain how to respond.

GABRIELLE
How old are you?

BOY
Ten.

Xena and Gabrielle look a one another, then nod their heads.

GABRIELLE
Yeah, that’s about right.

Xena and Gabrielle exit the room.

CUT TO:

EXT. STREET SOUTH OF THE HOSPITAL - NIGHT

The Tapert Plan is getting underway. Jake is driving the semi right down the center of the street, ninety miles per hour and still climbing. A block from the police road block he lays down on the horn, to let them know he’s coming.

The cops are smart, they scatter fast. When the impact occurs, patrol cars fly in every direction, but the truck keeps right on going. Then, halfway down the block in front of the hospital, Jake puts the semi into a skid and flips it on its side. It slides another hundred feet before stopping in the middle of the street.

Now the second phase of the attack is ready to roll. A dozen cars and pickups shoot through the shattered police barricade. Then they all do their own specialty, some roll, some skid, some crash into the overturned semi and explode, a couple jump over the semi and then tumble on down the street. Vehicles are flipping and tumbling down the street in balls of fire, like pins in a bowling alley.

Phrase three goes unnoticed by the police or anyone else, because of the exciting show down the street. Biff, driving a one-ton flatbed truck with a ramp built on the back of it, passes what is left of the road block and turns into the street leading to the multi-level parking garage. Right behind Biff, in a fully customized 1956 Chevrolet, is Rob and Ted dressed in coveralls that look like flight suits and crash helmets. It is amazing how much like the infamous crash-test dummies they look.

INT. THE PARKING GARAGE - SAME

Biff, in his strange-looking truck, speeds around the ramp climbing to the higher levels. Rod and Ted hang close behind the leader. They are driving so fast, that they occasionally slam into the concrete wall, sending sparks flying like fireworks.

EXT. TOP LEVEL OF THE PARKING GARAGE - SAME

Biff parks the truck against the low concrete wall, aiming it directly at the hospital, which is on the other side of the manmade canyon.

As Biff gets out of the truck, Rob and Ted pull up. Rob revs the engine a little just for effect.

ROB
(to Biff)
All right this is it. You’re the
expert, so do you have any last
minute advice?

BIFF
Don’t do it.

ROB
You know I have to.

TED
But why do I have to?

ROB
Well?

BIFF
Okay, here it is. You drive all
way around this area here. When
you come around that far corner
yonder, you aim right for this
ramp and put the petal to the
metal till you slam right over
this sucker then, and this is the
most important part, you pray
real hard all the way across.

Rob revs the engine.

TED
(screams)
I don’t want to die!

Rob burns rubber as he streaks around the parking lot. He comes around the last corner and then really turns it loose.
The car shoots up the ramp and sails into space.

TED
(terrified)
I quit! Let me out!

The car does a perfect nose dive right through the large windows of the tenth floor.

INT. TENTH FLOOR LAB COMPLEX - SAME

The car emerges from the shower of glass and metal only to immediately encounter other obstacles, like tables and lab equipment. Then they crash right on through an interior wall and demolish a second room. By the time they are crashing through the second interior wall, Ted finds his voice.

TED
Rob, baby, take your foot off
the gas and put it on the brake!

ROB
What?

TED
Brake! Brake!

ROB
We don’t have time to take a
break! I don’t even think this
operation is covered by the
Actors Guild.

They crash through the third wall and demolish another room.

TED
I mean, stop! Stop the car!

ROB
Oh.

At that point they crash through the exterior wall on the front of the hospital. The car dangles in a gaping hole as five tons of concrete, bricks, and metal cascade to the ground ten floors below. The car is dangerously on the verge of falling, too.

ROB
Don’t move. Don’t even breathe.

TED
Breathe, hell. My heart stopped
ten minutes ago.

ROB
All right, here’s the plan.

TED
I really wish you wouldn’t use
that word!

ROB
We ease over into the back seat,
then crawl out the back windows.

They slowly climb over into the back seat, but then panic hits. They appear to be racing to see who can roll down the back glass and crawl to freedom first. Fortunately, they make it at about the same time, just as the car topples and falls, landing upside down on a police cruiser ten stories below them. They stand in the large hole and look down.

TED
Oh, yeah! They’re definitely
going to give you a ticket for
illegal parking.
(a beat)
Of course, we can just laugh at
them from our prison cell.

ROB
We don’t have to worry about
prison, because these terrorists
will probably kill us, anyway.

TED
Look, no matter what happens, we
have to get Lucy and Renee out of
here. You got us this far, Rob, and
I know you’ll get us all the way.
So, what’s next?

ROB
Well, I don’t know. The only plan
I had was how to get in here. I
guess now we find Lucy.

TED
(sarcastically)
We could go down to the front desk
and have her paged.

ROB
(thoughtfully)
I doubt if that would work.

A nearby door swings open with a bang and in walks BUFORD JACKSON, 40, pot belly and tufts of graying hair above his ears.

BUFORD
(demands)
What in tarnation is going on?

Buford gets a good look at Rob and Ted, coveralls and bulbous helmets.

BUFORD
Where the hell you boys from
anyway, Mars?

ROB
Most recently, California.

BUFORD
About the same thing.

Buford looks around at the destruction, demolished walls, trashed lab equipment, pools of liquid on the floor.

BUFORD
Oh, my God! Just look at this
mess! Do you know what that is?
Huh, do ya? It’s urine!

TED
Oh, no! It ain’t mine!

BUFORD
Not yours, fool! Urine, you
know, like when you go potty.
And just guess who’s gonna
have the honor of cleaning all
this mess up?

TED
You?

BUFORD
Me. I came all the way from LA
for this!

ROB
(delighted)
Oh, you’re from Los Angeles?

BUFORD
Oh, hell no! LA, Lower Alabama.
That’s what I like about New
Zealand, it reminds me of good
ol’ Alabam!

ROB
Don’t even try to explain that
to me, please.

Rob removes his crash helmet. Buford finally gets a good look at the producer, and his eyes get big and his mouth drops open.

BUFORD
Why, you’re Robert Tapert, the
producer, ain’t you?

ROB
(smiles)
Why, yes. Yes, I am. Are you a
fan of mine.

BUFORD
No. No, I hate your guts, ‘cause
you went and married Lucy. Not
that I had much of a chance with
her, I reckon, but it’s just the
principle of the thing! You got
Lucy, and I just can’t stand it!
(a beat)
I came all the way to New Zealand,
just hoping I’d get to meet her,
and I ain’t even seen her once!

TED
Believe me, I know exactly how you
feel. It’s even tougher when you
have to play hot love scenes with
her.

ROB
I am still in the room, you know?

TED
Oh, yeah. I forgot.

ROB
And when have you ever played
a love scene with Lucy?

TED
Well, there was... and then...
You know, lot’s of times!

BUFORD
I think it’s a crying shame. You
married Lucy. I can just see it now.
Every night you two get ready for
bed, and while you crawl into bed,
Lucy makes that last run to the
bathroom. Then when she comes out
of the bathroom in this sexy little
nighty thing, she lets go with one
of them ear-bustin’ battle cries,
then she flips in the air all the
way across that damn room and lands
right in your bed, right in your
arms! And I just can’t stand it!

ROB
(truly amazed)
It’s so uncanny how accurately you
describe it.

BUFORD
I’ll tell you something, mister smart
producer! I’ll tell you what I’m a
waitin’ for. I’m waitin’ for the day
you get just a little out of line.
She’s gonna put a whompping on you!
Why, man, that woman can kick the nuts
right out of a squirrel’s mouth. Just
one little wrong move and she’ll smack
everyone of them Howdy-Doody freckles
right off your face! You don’t mess
with that woman.
(a beat)
A woman like that, needs a real man.

ROB
Well, thank you for your advice. I
will certainly keep it in mind.

TED
Hey, that’s why we’re here, Lucy
is right here in this hospital.
Maybe you can help us find her,
and you may even get a chance to
meet her!

BUFORD
(excited)
Really?
(then, quietly)
There are crazy people running
around this place with guns.

ROB
How have you avoided them?

BUFORD
(whispers)
They think I’m just a harmless
idiot.

TED
(laughs)
Wow! That’s the same reason the
cast and crew don’t kill me.

ROB
All right, let’s get moving.

They cautiously slip out of the room.

INT. SIXTEENTH FLOOR CORRIDOR - SAME

When Xena and Gabrielle walk out of the room, Rob, Ted and Buford are coming down the corridor toward them. Buford sees Xena and charges toward her with wide open arms.

BUFORD
Lucy, it’s really you!

Xena punches him in the nose and he falls, out cold on the floor.

ROB
It’s me, Lucy. I’ve come for you,
sweetheart.

XENA
Why does everybody insist on
calling me Lucy? I’m Xena.

ROB
Of course, you are, Darling. I
created you!

XENA
Well, you’ve really got this big
ego thing going, don’t you?

ROB
You don’t remember who you are?
You don’t remember who I am?

XENA
I know who I am, but who are you?

ROB
(hopeful)
I’m Rob, your husband.

XENA
I don’t have a husband.

ROB
You don’t remember when I
proposed?

XENA
No.

ROB
You don’t remember our beautiful
wedding?

XENA
No.

ROB
Surely you remember what we did
on our honeymoon?

XENA
(curious)
Just exactly what did we do on
our honeymoon?

ROB
We went fishing!

XENA
Yeah, right!

Xena grabs Rob by the scruff of his neck and throws him headfirst down a laundry chute. His scream diminishes as he falls faster and faster, and farther and farther.

Xena then turns to Ted and grabs him by the shoulders.

XENA
(happy)
Joxer! Finally somebody I
know! How did you get here?

TED
You wouldn’t believe it, if I
told you.
(a beat)
Look, I’m not Joxer! I’m Ted!
And you’re Lucy!

XENA
(getting angry)
Lucy, again!

TED
(screams)
C’mon, Lucy, you’ve got to snap
out of it!

XENA
(enraged)
I’ll snap your scrawny neck!

Ted backs away, but Xena keeps coming toward him. He suddenly turns and dives down the laundry chute.

TED
RRRRRRRRRRob!!

GABRIELLE
Everybody in this world is
totally nuts.

XENA
You’re right. Nothing has changed.

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

INT. SIXTEENTH FLOOR CORRIDOR - SAME

Xena and Gabrielle walk slowly down the corridor.

GABRIELLE
(slightly above
a whisper)
It seems awfully quiet.

XENA
Yeah, too quiet.

Heavily armed warriors abruptly sprang from every nook and doorway. Xena and Gabrielle turn, about to attempt escape, but they only encounter more terrorists, Hassu Jabul, Kiki Alexander and her television crew.

JABUL
(firmly)
Come along quietly and I will
let you live... for now.

Xena and Gabrielle fall in with Jabul and the television crew, as everyone walks down the long corridor. Jabul stops and points to a large alcove off the main corridor.

JABUL
(to the
prisoners)
All of you wait in there
until I send for you.

Xena, Gabrielle, Kiki and her two partners slowly walk into the area. At first, they just stand there, but after a few awkward minutes they choose sitting spots on the floor.

Kiki keeps looking at Xena and Gabrielle, and Xena soon grows weary of it.

XENA
Is something on your mind?

KIKI
I guess I was just wondering
what it would be like to be
such a big star.

GABRIELLE
A star?

KIKI
I mean, you both have millions
of fans, and you’re such wonderful
roles models.
(a beat)
My childhood hero was Jessica Savitch.
I thought she was so beautiful and
wonderful, and she had this really
glamorous job. I wanted to be
just like her. Then, when she
died in that terrible accident,
I felt like my whole world had
come to an end.
(a beat)
But somewhere along the way, I
realized that was even more of
a reason for me to carry on. It’s
like her dream still lives in me.

GABRIELLE
I don’t know this person you’re
talking about, but I do know how
you feel.

KIKI
(nods and
smiles)
And there’s a whole generation
out there that feels the same way
about you two.
(a beat)
Randy, get a close shot of these
two.

GABRIELLE
You have a very interesting accent,
where are you from?

KIKI
Texas.

GABRIELLE
Um, never heard of it.

KIKI
But you’re...

Randy turns his camera toward Xena and Gabrielle, who appear self-conscious about it. Just as Kiki points her microphone toward the celebrities, a powerful explosion rocks the place, startling everyone.

KIKI
(to the camera)
As you just heard, they have
apparently blasted their way
into room 1632. We still have
no information about who or
what is in that room, but Jabul
wanted us present, so perhaps
we will soon learn that mystery.

Automatic weapons are firing nonstop, a few smaller explosions are heard, along with an occasional scream, and men shouting commands. In five minutes it is over.

One of Jabul’s men pushes passed the guards who have been standing watch over the prisoners.

TERRORIST
The General wants you to come
now. Bring the camera. Hurry!

Xena and Gabrielle go right along with the TV crew.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM 1632 - SAME

They have to step over bodies in the corridor, and inside the room, as well. The camera is taking it all in, but Kiki can’t come up with any words to say. She just holds the microphone out to Jabul, who takes it, with a smile at the reporter.

Jabul points out certain bodies on the floor as he speaks.

JABUL
This man and this woman are
American CIA agents. These two
men here and this woman are
Israelis, and these two men are
Turks, which makes them traitors!
(a beat)
And what did they die for? I will
show you right now.

Jabul jerks the curtain back to reveal the bed. The patient
is a ten-year-old boy, much like the boy down the hall, but his skin is darker and his hair is jet black.

JABUL
This is Prince Rahji. He was
brought to this country to
have a special operation. This
experimental brain surgery may
save his life. Apparently it is
the only chance he has.
(a beat)
If I don’t kill him first, which
I will do if all my demands are
not immediately carried out. For
anyone foolish enough to resist,
allow me to explain the obvious.
This boy’s death will mean war
in the Middle East, which will
quickly spread to other parts of
the world. This boy’s death may
very well mean Armageddon!
(a beat)
Here are my demands. The Israelis
have two-hundred and fifty-eight
of my brothers and sisters in an
internment camp just outside of
Tel Aviv. All of these prisoners
will be immediately released and
provided transportation to the
city of Baghdad. Second, I want
one-hundred million American
dollars transferred to a special
account in Istanbul. I will fax
you the information you need to
transfer the money.

Jabul holds up a sheet of paper, then gives it to one of his men.

JABUL
(continuing)
Send this at once, Captain Lanka.

CAPTAIN LANKA
Yes, General!

JABUL
(to the camera)
You do not have time to debate
the issue among yourselves, and
I will not debate the issue at
all, with anyone. I want full
conformation within two hours,
or the young prince dies, and
the bomb downstairs explodes.
(with a grin)
This is Hassu Jabul reporting.

Jabul immediately starts giving orders to his men.

JABUL
Bring the young Prince and the
prisoners.

Jabul leads the way out of the room.

INT. PLATFORM IN THERAPY ROOM - SAME

The group follows their leader farther down the corridor until they come to a platform overlooking an exercise and physical therapy facility, including an Olympic-size swimming pool. There are catwalks with handrails running all the way around the vast area. No one is in the large room.

Jabul returns the microphone to Kiki, but then he turns to Mike and Randy.

JABUL
(continuing)
Cut off all your equipment now.

They reluctantly do as they are told.

KIKI
I thought you wanted the whole
story told just as it’s happening.

JABUL
Kiki, my darling, we must have a
few secrets, that’s one of the
rules of the game.

KIKI
(demands)
Is that what this is to you, a
goddamn game?

JABUL
Oh, such fire, from such a little
girl!
(a beat)
Please, everyone sit down and relax.

Several terrorists are standing around, but Xena and Gabrielle get as far from the main activity as they can, without drawing too much attention. Kiki and her two-man crew sit near Jabul and Captain Lanka. The Prince pulls away from the soldier’s grasp and goes to Kiki. She smiles as he sits down beside her, then she puts her arm around him.

CUT TO:

INT. PLATFORM IN THERAPY ROOM - SAME

The two-hour waiting period is over. Captain Lanka comes running up to Jabul.

CAPTAIN LANKA
We received conformation!

JABUL
Good! Very good!

Jabul looks around to see the Prince walking over to the railing. The boy stands there quietly looking down at the large pool. Then Jabul realizes Xena and Gabrielle are gone.

JABUL
(continuing)
Where did those two women go
you fools?

The surprised terrorists just look around, feeling stupid.

JABUL
(continuing)
Never mind! It doesn’t matter
now.

Jabul takes a small device not much larger than a cigarette lighter from his pocket. He flips a cover off of a small push-button switch and presses the button. The device emits a high-pitched beep.

JABUL
(continuing,
to Captain Lanka)
The bomb is now activated, we
have only minutes to escape.
Kill the Prince now, just to
be sure, then get everyone up
to the helicopter.

CAPTAIN LANKA
(pulling his
automatic pistol)
Yes, General!

Kiki jumps to her feet, terrified.

KIKI
No, you can’t!

Kiki runs to the boy, shielding his body with her own. Captain Lanka shoots her in the back, but she doesn’t go down. He fires a second bullet into her back, but still she stands, pressing herself against the boy and the handrail.

Kiki looks down and finally realizes that Xena is standing on the catwalk below.

XENA
(quietly)
Throw me the boy.

Kiki struggles to lift the boy over the railing then, as she drops him, she takes a third bullet in the back. Xena catches the boy, then looks up at Kiki again. The young woman’s face is a mask of fear and pain, tears streaming down her face.

XENA
I’m sorry.

KIKI
(brokenly)
You just tell them to spell
my name right.

As Kiki falls to the floor, Xena dashes down the catwalk with the boy in her arms.

INT. CATWALK AT THE FAR END OF THE POOL - SAME

The terrorists are closing in on Xena and the boy from both directions.

XENA
Can you swim?

PRINCE
Like a fish!

XENA
Good! Here you go!

She throws the boy over the railing, and he plummets to the deep-end of the swimming pool. Xena quickly follows, as her yell echoes throughout the vast, cavernous room.

INT. THE SWIMMING POOL - SAME

Xena and the boy are swimming together across the wide pool, when a shrill cry echoes from above.

GABRIELLE
(loud and
desperate)
Xena!

Xena pauses in the water to look up. Jabul and his men have Gabrielle.

JABUL
If you follow us, she dies!

XENA
Yeah? Well, have a nice trip!

CUT TO:

INT. THE CAFETERIA - SAME

Xena and the boy rush into the large room and go straight to the bomb. It is making a low humming sound, and the digits on the counter are rapidly clicking away the seconds.

XENA
How does one of these things
work? How can it be stopped?

A doctor steps forward.

DOCTOR
If you don’t know what you’re
doing, you’ll get us all killed!

XENA
Either way, we’re dead!

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOSPITAL ROOF - SAME

As terrorists are forcing Gabrielle into the helicopter, Captain Lanka picks up a handful of wires and shows them to Jabul.

CAPTAIN LANKA
General, someone has sabotaged
the helicopter.

JABUL
Get it started, or we’re all dead!

CAPTAIN LANKA
(climbing inside)
Yes, Sir!

CUT TO:

INT. THE CAFETERIA - SAME

XENA
(angrily)
Are you going to help me with
this, or not?

DOCTOR
(pointing)
Those wires behind the panel,
connect the timer and detonator.
You can disarm the bomb by cutting
the right wire, but if you cut the
wrong one, it explodes.

Xena jerks her knife from its scabbard and kneels beside the deadly instrument.

ROB
(excited)
Lucy! Lucy!

Xena looks up to see Rob pathetically crawling into the room, in a tangled mass of white sheets and towels.

XENA
You again? At a time like this?

ROB
Lucy, I’ve seen this bit a hundred
times! I’ve done this bit a hundred
times! Cut the red wire! It’s always
the red wire!

XENA
Are you positive?

ROB
Absolutely!

Xena carefully reaches in and cuts the... blue wire. The humming ceases, and all the digits on the counter read zero.

DOCTOR
She did it!

Everyone cheers, but then the cheering slowly dies.

ROB
Now, aren’t you glad I came
for you? And aren’t you glad
you listened to me?

XENA
Anything for you, darling.

ROB
Does this mean we’re making up?

XENA
Well, why not? But right now, I
really have to run.

Xena sprints out of the cafeteria, toward the elevators.

CUT TO:

EXT. THE HOSPITAL ROOF - SAME

Xena emerges from the elevator under a black sky filled with violent lightning and roaring thunder. The helicopter has been started, and is lifting off.

Xena glances around for anything to help in this situation. She spots a wench with a large roll of cable. She flips the lever to release the cable, then pulls it with her toward the rising helicopter. As she runs, she slips her chakrum over the hook on the end of the cable.

The chopper is ten feet off the deck... twelve.... fourteen... sixteen! Xena leaps and grabs one of the landing skids. She fastens the hook to the skid, securing the chakrum over the bolt that fastens the hook to the cable.

Xena struggles to climb up to the hatch, which swings open and almost hits her. Hassu Jabul is glaring out at her.

JABUL
(viciously)
You want your friend? Then here,
take her!

With that, Jabul shoves Gabrielle out of the helicopter. She tumbles headfirst and pitches downward. Xena grabs Gabrielle’s arm and holds her, swinging in space. Then Xena pulls her friend up to her waist.

XENA
(shouts)
Hang on tight!

When Gabrielle grabs onto Xena, Xena turns loose and they fall. On the way down, Xena grabs her chakrum and the two women zip down the cable.

The cable has reached its maximum length, and the helicopter is tugging to escape. Suddenly, lightning streaks through the helicopter and down the cable, turning it white hot. Then the chopper explodes into a huge ball of fire. The cable goes limp and falls, dropping Xena and Gabrielle thirty feet to the landing pad. They lay unmoving, as hospital personnel rush out to them.

CUT TO:

INT. A HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Lucy and Renee are sharing a room. Their beds are on either side of a window, and sunshine is streaming in. Renee looks on as their doctor holds two fingers in front of Lucy’s face.

DOCTOR
How many fingers?

LUCY
Two.

DOCTOR
And what’s your name?

LUCY
Lucy Ryan Lawless Tapert.

DOCTOR
Very good.
(to Renee)
How many fingers?

RENEE
Two, and I’m Renee.

DOCTOR
Well, how would you two feel
about going home? I think you’re
ready.

RENEE
Great! I am ready!

DOCTOR
I’ll go sign your release.

When the doctor leaves, Renee turns to Lucy.

RENEE
Why do you think they keep
asking us our names?

LUCY
At least they’re not hounding
us for autographs.
(she thinks about that)
That is a good thing, isn’t it?

A nurse comes in with two clipboards thick with papers.

NURSE
We need you both to sign all
these forms, please.

RENEE
(to Lucy)
You were saying?

They laugh, as the nurse looks on in confusion.

FADE OUT:

THE END

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