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And if I loved him, what then? Unspeakable, of course.
But his arms around me, the scent of sweat and earth,
The coarseness of his hair tickling my cheeks,
His mouth and mine, somehow.

And if he held me, what then? Unknowable, of course.
His body - unfamiliar, but his body. His.
The slope of his back against my hands,
And me wanting him, utterly.

And if I promised him forever? Impossible, of course.
Our child inside me, the scent of sweat and blood,
The blade that birthed him, our son.
His child and mine, somehow.

July 29, 1998