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Beneath My Insanity Buried

By John Dorsey

Based on characters and situations created by Robert Tapert and Sam Raimi.

Copyright 1998 by John Dorsey

Xena: Warrior Princess is the sole property of Universal. No copyright infringement is intended through the writing of this fan fiction.

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This story takes place not long after the Xena: Warrior Princess episode Maternal Instincts.




Many people feel torment. They think they know what it is. But I doubt they’d know the true meaning of the word unless they could see what I have seen, feel what I have felt, and suffer the way I have suffered. For me, torment is a living thing. It eats at my very soul. I thought I could end it all without a simple act of revenge. But I was wrong. And now my torment continues... forever.

My name is Callisto.

Murdered by Xena, resurrected by Ares, defeated by Xena again, I was buried in the depths of Tartarus forever. Resurrected again by Hera, defeated by Hercules, I was buried underground once more. Not nearly as deep as Tartarus, but still just as boring. I was immortal, I was bored, and I was ticked off. But it was not yet over.

Rescued by Xena, deceived into fighting Velasca, I was buried in a lava pit. But at least Velasca was there to keep me company. Eternity beckoned... and was denied... by Dahak. The dark god and his demon child, Hope, were in need of a servant to help them carry out their diabolical scheme to destroy Xena. And I was all too glad to serve.

Now I am buried. Again. I would scream, but my mouth is filled with gravel. I would choke, but I have no need for air. My powers are weak now. I cannot free myself. Perhaps this is how Dahak rewards all his followers. There is no denying the crazy irony. Time after time I am buried. Beneath Tartarus, beneath ground, beneath lava, and now beneath rock.

It was the perfect plan. I would aid Hope in murdering Xena’s son, Solan. Dahak would succeed in turning Xena and Gabrielle against one and another, and I would finally have my revenge. Most of all, the agony I was suffering would finally come to an end. I could finally move on.

I remember Xena wailing at the sight of her dead child. I stood up, closed my eyes, and began to smile. It was a smile I had waited so long for. It was a smile I could have waited an eternity for. And it was a smile that faded before I had even the slightest chance to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, after all these years, I had finally discovered the truth. About myself.

There is no end to my suffering. There is no end to my madness. There is no end to this unbearable agony I have carried with me all these years. My pain keeps growing and growing, and now I know it will never stop.

My family burned because of Xena. I wanted revenge. I wanted to kill her. Time and time again I had Xena defeated. Time and time again I had her dead. But she always won. Always.

I always figured she was lucky. But deep down I knew... I just wouldn’t allow myself to admit it. For it was a truth that would have been too painful to bear. But it is a truth I know now, for there is no more running, no more hiding. Not when you’re buried beneath your own insanity.

I never wanted to kill Xena. That is the truth. I couldn’t kill her. For if I had killed her, I would have discovered then just how hollow revenge truly is. Too bad Xena never did get a taste of that ambrosia. If we were both gods, we could have fought each other for all eternity. That would have been far better than this.

I’ve been buried before. I spent a long time buried in Tartarus. I spent a long time buried in a lava pit. But it was different. I still had hope. I still held on to the chance that I could have revenge on Xena, and that with that revenge I could finally end my pain... forever. I was a fool.

By finally achieving vengeance over Xena, it is rather ironic that she has scored the ultimate victory over me. The war is over. And she has won.

My name is Callisto.

Defeated by Xena, deceived by Dahak, abandoned by Hope, I am buried once more. Oblivion beckons, but will forever be denied me. For there is no way out. There is no end. Beneath my own insanity I am buried, and I now must face the sentence for my crimes.

There is eternity.

There is hell.

And there is punishment.

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