Convert This Page to Pilot DOC FormatConvert this page to Pilot DOC Format

Zee Nah: Warrior Nanny

by Joanna


Zee Nah, Warrior Nanny, is humming to herself as she pages through a scroll

of Beauty Tips.  Her hair is big, her mini-skirt is tight and her sword and

chakram are in their usual places.  Gabriel enters carrying a baby girl.


               Hey, Zee.  Have you seen little Xenalah's 

               daggar?  She lost it when she threw it at 

               Mr. Joxfield last night.

                                     ZEE NAH

               Sorry, Gabby.  I'm sure it'll turn up in 


                          (holds up the scroll)

               Have you seen this?  They claim that 

               cutting off a breast is coming back in 

               style.  It's all the rage on Lesbos, and 

               yesterday on The Sappho Show, her guests 

               were three Amazons who were all raving 

               about their improved aim with a bow and

               the women who loved them.

ENTER Mr. Joxfield, gray at the temples, smoking a pipe, 

and wearing a china plate on his chest.  A small daggar is 

sticking straight out of the plate.

                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               I say, Miss Nah, I had a Hades of a time 

               getting hold of Euripedes last night.  

               And I just know Aristophanes is killing 

               my messengers.  Have you heard anything 

               around town?  Maybe at the Sharper 

               Chakram or something?

                                      ZEE NAH

               Oh Mr. Joxfield, you know I don't go 

               there anymore.  So many gadgets.  

               I'm a simple woman with simple 


There is a knock on the door and Zee answers, signing for 

a package.  She rips it open and removes a solid gold 

Chakram.  She tries to hide it in her cleavage, but Mr. 

Joxfield has already seen it.

                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               Miss Nah???

                                      ZEE NAH

               Okay, so I went there the other day.  

               But I couldn't help myself!  They were 

               having such a sale.  And I simply had 

               to have this as soon as I saw it.  Isn't 

               it just too adorable?

Zee removes her old Chakrum and tosses it away.  The 

Chakram zips around the room, destroying vases, tables, 

etc.  Mr. Joxfield ducks just in time.  From the Chakrum's 

POV we see it hurtling toward the baby in Gabrielle's 

arms.  CUT TO a Close Up of the baby's upraised hand, 

catching the Chakrum.


               Look, Zee!  Her first grab!  

                                      ZEE NAH

               Oh!  I knew she was special the 

               moment she was born!  That Ares 

               may not be good for much, but he 

               sure is good breeding stock!

                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               Miss Nah!  What about Aristophanes?

                                      ZEE NAH

               Now, Mr. Joxfield.  You know how anxious 

               you get.  He's probably just weighing his 

               options.  I hear Salmoneus has opened a 

               new amphitheatre in Sparta.

Mr. Joxfield turns red with rage, his fists shaking. The 

baby begins to cry at the tension in the room.




               Now look what you've done!  And she's 

               armed, too.

The baby whips the chakrum toward Mr. Joxfield, which 

takes off his helmet and shaves the hair off the top of his 

head.  The weapon imbeds itself in the wall, a clump of 

hair hanging from it.

                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               Damn, and it just grew out from the 

               last time.

                                      ZEE NAH

               Tell you what, Mr. Joxfield.  I'll go over 

               to Salmoneus and convince him that 

               Aristophanes just isn't the playwrite 

               for him.

Zee removes her sword and swings it in several dazzling 

arcs, flipping it back and forth, accompanied by many 




               I suppose you won't be home in time 

               for dinner then, will you?  And after I 

               slaved all day in the kitchen fixing you 

               that special venison loaf you love so 

               much.  Why I'll bet you don't even 

               remember what day this is!

Zee walks over to Gabby and puts her arm around her.

                                      ZEE NAH


               Of course I do, sweetheart.  It's our 

               anniversary!  Did you really think 

               I'd forget?  Here.

Zee pulls a collapsable fighting stick from a pouch at her 



                                  (near tears)

               Oh!  It's beautiful!  And so deadly!  Thank 

               you, Zee!  I'll treasure it always.

                                      ZEE NAH

               There, ya see?  Ole Zee Nah doesn't 

               forget her little Gabbelah, now, 

               does she?

They snuggle for a moment.  Mr. Joxfield hides the baby's 


                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               Not in front of the child!  Please!  

               Take it to the blankets, for Aphrodite's 


There's a knock at the door and Zee answers.  Hercules 

walks in, his sword drawn.

                                      ZEE NAH

               Herc, you handsome hunk!  What brings 

               you to these parts?


               Salmoneus sent me.  He heard rumors 

               that you were going to try to shut him 


                                      ZEE NAH

               Since when do godlings listen to 

               rumors?  Get a grip, Herc.


               Now what are we going to do?  We'll never 

               figure out who gets Aristophanes if 

               Zee can't skewer Sal!

From above, a god descends in a rickety chair, 

accompanied by many squeaks of rusty machinery.

                                   MR. JOXFIELD

               Not the Deus Ex Machina!  Again?  Don't 

               you guys ever let us mortals work out 

               our problems for ourselves?

                                 DEUS EX MACHINA

               Sorry, Pops.  Orders from Zeus.  This puppy 

               is over.

While Gabby and Joxfield argue with the god and Zee and 

Herc clash swords, the baby removes the daggar from 

Joxfield's chest and throws it at the god, who slumps 

over.  Everyone stops and stares for a second.

                                      ZEE NAH

               Thank the gods there's never blood or 

               that would leave such a stain on my 

               new carpet!

                                                                         FADE OUT.

                                      THE END

Fan Fiction
Return to my Fan Fiction Page