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by Joanna
JSandsmark@aol.com
INT. DR.'S OFFICE - DAY
Xena sits edgily on a couch, while Dr. Fealguhd sits in
her chair taking notes.
DR. FEALGUHD
The problem I'm seeing is with your anger
issues. You're having trouble expressing
yourself, so you act out on it in an
aggressive manner.
XENA
I was a warlord. It's an aggressive
business.
DR. FEALGUHD
But you're not a warlord now, are you?
Now, you're a caring pleaser. You're a
giver.
XENA
No, I'm a leaver. Bye.
Xena gets up.
DR. FEALGUHD
Your friend Gabrielle is concerned about
you and that's why you're here. Do you
care so little about her feelings? Do
you not respect her willingness to take
a chance on this intervention?
Reluctantly, Xena sits.
XENA
Well... for Gabrielle...
DR. FEALGUHD
Why don't you define your relationship
with Gabrielle.
XENA
She's my best friend. And we share a
lot of subtext.
DR. FEALGUHD
And this subtext, could you describe it?
XENA
Tell the network censor in the corner
to leave and I'd be happy to.
ANGLE ON: a nerdy guy in a suit with a large pair of
scissors, shaking his head 'no'.
DR. FEALGUHD
Sorry. You'd have to switch to Dr. Showtime
if you want to get rid of him. Okay, let's
try a little word association.
XENA
(sighs heavily)
Whatever.
DR. FEALGUHD
Walking.
XENA
Killing.
DR. FEALGUHD
Meadows.
XENA
Killing.
DR. FEALGUHD
Exotic locations.
XENA
Exotic killing.
DR. FEALGUHD
This isn't working very well. Maybe we
need to bring in Gabrielle.
Dr. Fealguhd buzzes the receptionist and Gabrielle walks
in. Xena's face lights up. The censor writes something
down and hands it to Xena. She grows sullen again.
Gabrielle reads the note aloud.
GABRIELLE
"Don't look so happy, she's just your
friend, remember? Nothing more."
(to the censor)
Oh for crying out loud, she can't even
look happy?
The censor shakes his head 'no'.
DR. FEALGUHD
Ignore him. Sort of. Now, Gabrielle,
you are displaying some real co-dependant
tendacies lately. Your reliance on Xena
and her many skills has made you less
of your own person. Care to share why?
XENA
(angrily)
She's not less of a person!
Xena rises, sword in hand, but Gabrielle stops her.
GABRIELLE
(to Xena, calmly)
Xena, it's okay.
(turning to the doctor)
I'd like to explore this. Perhaps I should
tell you a story, Doctor, about a young
woman from a small village who was
fighting her family because they wanted
her to marry a boy that she didn't love.
This girl was feeling certain urges and...
The network censor whips the scissors toward Gabby,
but Xena snatches them out of midair. Then she uses
her chakram to knock him out cold.
XENA
You were saying, Gabrielle? Certain
urges...?
DR. FEALGUHD
Maybe we should try some role reversal...
XENA
(to the doctor)
Maybe you should shut up.
(to Gabrielle)
Go on.
GABRIELLE
(to Xena, intense)
I've been meaning to talk to you about
these... urges... but every time I try
someone yells "cut."
XENA
Yeah, I've heard that too. I always
figured it was the voice of the gods.
Though I never realized before how
nerdy and out of shape gods could be.
GABRIELLE
I think I know the source of your anger.
DR. FEALGUHD
Remember, anger turned inward is guilt.
And anger unexpressed is--
Xena's sword somehow gets buried in the Doctor who
is now silent.
XENA
You mean, if I had some way to express
my... pent up frustrations... then maybe I
wouldn't have these anger issues?
GABRIELLE
Exactly! By not acting on certain natural
urges, you're subjugating. And by doing
so, you're harming your 'wa' or inner peace.
You need to get in touch with the child
within, to play ball with her, give her a
tea party, make love to me, play with
dolls -- that sort of thing.
XENA
Hmmm. An interesting construct. By
taking down the walls, by giving myself
the freedom to express my inner angst
and by doing you on the couch, I could
then find the peace that has eluded me!
GABRIELLE
Absolutely. It's for your own good,
y'know.
XENA
I hear you and I validate you. C'mon, babe,
let's do some therapy.
The rest, as they say, is not for the networks to know.
FADE OUT:
THE END
