RealPlayer 5.0

Sounds from Takes One To Know One

Download all 79 sounds in .wav format 34.4mb  or   Download all 79 sounds in .mp3 format 16.6mb

Cast of characters:  Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Autolycus, Minya, Discord, Lila, Cyrene and Revenica.  This was such a fun episode, it was like Columbo meets a Greek comedy or a Who Dunnit in Greece.  I had a blast watching this episode.  It was more like the Xena I got to know and love, full of one liners and running jokes.  At least we know two things or is that three things or...okay, okay - we definitely know that Discord is new Xena, Gabrielle and the rest of the gang.  I wonder why Hercules never told any of them about her before?  And...we know that it is without a shadow of a doubt NOT Minya in the bedroom with the knife.  On a different note, I'm going to try to put the episode in it's entirety on CD, if it works I'll let you all know.  Well, enough from me, I hope you enjoy this episode. 
As always, please let me know what ya think. -

  1. Intro: IT'S A DARK AND DEADLY REUNION...ON AN ALL NEW XENA... Xena: You think I did it?...WITH ONE DEAD BODY...Xena: Which of you owns this?...SEVEN UNLIKELY SUSPECTS...Xena: Starting with you!...AND A GODDESS WITHOUT A CLUE...Autolycus: Hey - there's news...Discord: Time is running out...hand him over...WHO DUNNIT?...WHO KNOWS?...Joxer: Aw, c' I have to spell it out for ya?!...AN ALL NEW XENA...COMING UP NEXT.  632kb wav or 291kb mp3
  2. Autolycus- Muzzles, leather bonds, manacles..oh - nothing unusual here.  124kb wav or 62kb mp3
  3. Autolycus- She's bounty hunter alright, her name's Revenica.  Xena- Looks like this was a business trip.   Minya- Can you believe that and after all you've done too?!  Joxer- Yeah, what an insult...two hundred dinars, should have been a thousand...maybe a million!  Cyrene- It's seems that this Revenica has cashed in on one bounty already. Autolycus- Maybe there's a happy ending after all.  552kb wav or 260kb mp3
  4. Autolycus- Okay!  I'm a thief - Hey there's news!  62kb wav or 29kb mp3
  5. Autolycus- Scares me to say this...I think she's right this time.  57kb wav or 27kb mp3
  6. Autolycus- Ha ha...are you going to believe this blowhard or me?  Ha ha...  232kb wav or 115kb mp3
  7. Autolycus- Oh, alright I admit that I knew her...even did a few jobs together awhile back.  Then all of a sudden, she starts to collect bounties on guys like me.  So I figure...well, if I rob from her it isn't really stealing, it's just payback.  The trouble is Revenica didn't share my point of view.  ...Oh c'mon Revenica, you know I'd never lie to you.  Revenica- Are you saying that you didn't steal my diamonds last night?  Autolycus- If I had...would I be right here at the very next tavern down the road?...No...I'd be pawning them in Athens by now.  Revenica- Then why are you here?  Autolycus- I think we both know the answer to that.  Joxer- Wait, wait, wait...that's not what I heard.  Autolycus- You know I'd never lie to you.  Revenica- Are you saying that you didn't steal my diamonds?  Autolycus- If I had...would I be right here at the very next tavern down the road?...No!...I'd be pawning them in Athens by now.  Revenica- Then why are you here?   Autolycus- 'Cause I know what you've become.  And if you think that I'm gonna let you cash in on Xena...think again.   Xena- You did that for me?  Autolycus- Yeah, okay, I admit it.  1,761kb wav or 847kb mp3
  8. Cyrene- Of course we're glad to see you dear, but it's not your birthday.  Xena- No, and it's not Gabrielle's either - not until tomorrow.  Joxer- That's why it's a surprise...get it?  Lila- It was Joxer's idea.  Xena- No surprise there.  334kb wav or 155kb mp3
  9. CyreneIf Xena doesn't find Revenica's killer, Discord's taking one of us...whether we did it or not.  Gabrielle- But that's not fair.  Minya- She's a goddess.  221kb wav or 104kb mp3
  10. Cyrene- Maybe she liked her pears bruised?  Gabrielle- She's your mother.  129kb wav or 65kb mp3
  11. CyreneDiscord has long ears...she could show up at any time.  Joxer- That's exactly my point, you keep talking about her ears like that, she will show up!  177kb wav or 83kb mp3
  12. Discord- No!  Stop!  Not the face.  Xena- You're right...I should start at the bottom. 187kb wav or 95kb mp3
  13. Discord- I know who you are, all Olympus knows the warrior princess...Ares has made sure of that.  He's also made me...Goddess of Retribution. Discord's the name.   Xena- Retribution, huh...guess you gotta start somewhere?  Discord- Well start with the person who did this.  472kb wav or 233kb mp3
  14. Discord- All Olympus knows the warrior princess.  54kb wav or 27kb mp3
  15. Discord- Discord's the name.  24kb wav or 13kb mp3
  16. Discord- After all...takes one to know one, right?  57kb wav or 30kb mp3
  17. Discord- Thanks for the help - tall, dark and, a....mortal.   I should have known that Xena wouldn't have the guts to turn in her own mom.  180kb wav or 87kb mp3
  18. Discord- What's the big idea?  I thought you were the poster girl for truth and justice?  Xena- I am when I'm sure it's being served, and I'm not.  C'mon Discord, you gave me 'til sunrise...remember?  Discord- Fine.   Play your little detective games, but time is running out.  Autolycus- W...w...well...It's hard to believe you're new at this.  I gotta tell're doing a hell of a job.  Vigilant, hard-working, why you even put a clock on the case...which reminds me I have a pressed for'll pardon me......Hey!!   Discord- Pressed for time?  I see what you mean.   Suffer.  Gabrielle- Who was that?  Xena- Ares' latest find, Discord...Goddess of Retribution.  1,189kb wav or 560kb mp3
  19. Discord- Look Xena, I'm tired of being jerked around.  Xena- You gave me 'til sunrise to jerk you around.  106kb wav or 52kb mp3
  20. Discord- Time flies when I'm having fun.  83kb wav or 39kb mp3
  21. Discord- Well it's about time.  Okay tall, dark and deadly...let's go.  159kb wav or 77kb mp3
  22. Discord- You wanna play rough?  I love rough.  76kb wav or 35kb mp3
  23. Discord- Aw, you might be good in bed, but you're hopeless in a fight.  73kb wav or 42kb mp3
  24. Discord- I don't do animals!  Minya- That's not what I heard.  69kb wav or 35kb mp3
  25. Discord- Aagh!!  This job sucks!!!  40kb wav or 22kb mp3
  26. Fight-   3,377kb wav or 1,646kb mp3
  27. Gabrielle- No...I think it might have something to do with this.   Joxer- Look!! Clear gold!!  Autolycus- That's private property!  Gabrielle- His bag spilled across the kitchen floor and these were in it.  Xena- Well that explains alot of things.  So maybe her luck purse wasn't a decoy after all?  Autolycus- Okay, I'm a thief - Hey! There's news!  But we've got a murder among us, remember?   Gabrielle- I hate to say this Autolycus, but people have killed for less than diamondsAutolycus- C'mon, Gabrielle, you know my rap you recall seeing ruthless murderer anywhere on it?  Joxer- King of Thieves, Escape Artist Extrodinare, Master of Disguise!  Autolycus- Quiet.  Joxer- I'm willing to bet anything that mustache is phony. HA HA!  ...OW!  Minya- Autolycus could have robbed her after she was dead.  Autolycus- ...After she was...Now you listen hear missy, I maybe a thief, but I've got my standards.  Xena- And he wasn't the only one to go through her stuff.  Cyrene- What do ya mean?  Xena-  There are three scroll sheets here, one of them contains my bounty, the other is some wanted poster for some other guy, and this...the third one, is completely empty.  Minya- So...  Xena- So a veteran of the road like Revenica would never carry more than she had to.  And given that she probably packed in the morning and unpacked every single night...  Gabrielle- Your saying that someone here took itMinya- Autolycus could have taken that too.  Autolycus- Of course I could have...  Xena- No, it's not his style.  Whoever did this was sloppy.  Autolycus- And dumb.  Xena- And they repacked in a hurry.  Lila- You can tell all that by just looking?  Xena- Well think about it.   Revenica's maps were all squished up on the bottom with her fruit, where as heavier less necessary items were on top.  Cyrene- Maybe she liked her pears bruised? Gabrielle- She's your mother.   Xena- Yeah, well, Mom...I can tell you what she didn't like for sure and that's lavender perfume.  No bounty hunter worth her salt wouldn't wear any kind of perfume...they'd smell her before she got close enough to pounce. 2,757kb wav or 1,309kb mp3
  28. Gabrielle- It's our family we're talking about, our friends...none of them would commit cold blooded murder.  Autolycus- As much as this scares me to say this...I think she's right, Xena.  Xena- Oh ya do?  Gabrielle- Look at that.  Now THAT is so odd.   Autolycus- Looks like kindling.  Gabrielle- It is kindling, but do either of you see a woodpile in this room?  No.  A fireplace?  No.  A stove?  No.  Do you know what that means?  Xena & Autolycus- No.  Gabrielle- Me neither.  774kb wav or 384kb mp3
  29. Gabrielle- Do either of you see a woodpile in this room?  No.   A fireplace?  No.  A stove?  No.  Do you know what that means?   Xena & Autolycus- No.  204kb wav or 103mp3
  30. Gabrielle- How about the door?  Autolycus- Locked as well...from the inside.  Gabrielle- And who discovered that?  Someone with motive enough for murder?  Someone who's trying to confuse us?  Someone who's looking to beat this rap the best he can no matter what the cost?  Xena- I did.  Gabrielle- Oh.  Autolycus- He he  480kb wav or 229kb mp3
  31. Gabrielle- I put Joxer's gravy recipe in her water bag.  All- Ewww.  Xena- That's inhuman!  110kb wav or 49kb mp3
  32. Gabrielle- We've assembled that facts and there's one thing we know beyond a shadow of a doubt.  To be the indisputable truth...Revenica is dead and someone here killed her.  Autolycus- Tell me something I don't know.  Gabrielle-I could ask you the same thing Autolycus.   Tell us what we don't know about you and Revenica?  Lila & Minya- Yeah...  Cyrene- But Gabrielle, surely he's already explained that.  Gabrielle- I think it was slightly vague.   Like how you've explained how you weren't in your room when Xena checked.  Lila- Gabrielle, this is Xena's mom.  Gabrielle- I know, Lila, and you're my sister, but if there's blood on your hands...  Joxer- BLOOD!! BLOOD!!  BLOOD!!  Uh,'s just ink.  Gabrielle- But blood is thicker than ink, Joxer...and the same blood flows in you that flows in your deadly brother Jed. Minya- Ya know what they say...blood will out.   Gabrielle- But none of this explains why your knife was in Revenica's chest.  Autolycus- Yeah - that's good point, right.   Gabrielle- Those are the doesn't take an oracle to see our outcome.  Autolycus- Right, we're all gonna die.   1,526kb wav or 732kb mp3
  33. Gabrielle- When it's all said and done, it seems that everyone behaved like they did for one  For you, for family.  Xena- I guess you're right.  256kb wav or 125kb mp3
  34. Gabrielle- So you still think they're capable of anything?  Xena- Absolutely.  All sing- Happy Birthday!!  Oh...She's another year older, well, she's another year older, she's another year older....and that's a crying shame.  Oh...She'll never get any younger, she'll never get any younger, she'll never get any younger....and that's a crying shame.  741kb wav or 354kb mp3
  35. Joxer- (action music) Surprise.  All- SURPRISE!  Aw...........  Xena- Well, gee, glad to see you too, mom.  364kb wav or 181kb mp3
  36. Joxer- Surprise.  All- SURPRISE!   Aw...........  Xena- Well, gee, glad to see you too134kb wav or 66kb mp3
  37. Joxer- Autolycus is right...she's dead, but she could have had a heart condition.  Autolycus- Yeah...maybe it grew that knife?  117kb wav or 58kb mp3
  38. Joxer- Maybe you liked those horsees a little too much.  76kb wav or 35kb mp3
  39. Joxer- Revenica here killed some horsees, you got she's dead.  Oh, come on people!  Do I have to spell it out for ya?!  Minya in the bedroom with the knife!  231kb wav or 113kb mp3
  40. Joxer-'re saying it was Cyrene in the bedroom with the kitchen knife.  Autolycus- No.  Joxer- In the kitchen with the bedroom knife?  192kb wav or 94kb mp3
  41. Joxer- I'm willing to bet anything that mustache is phony.  98kb wav or 48kb mp3
  42. Joxer- I still say it was...Minya in the bedroom with the knife!!  102kb wav or 47kb mp3
  43. Joxer- Hey...when I left her she was stained but standing.  71kb wav or 33kb mp3
  44. Joxer- Sure my brother Jed is a cold hearted merciless killer, but family is family, right?  Autolycus- You sure you didn't kill her by accident.  You know...death by blunder, by lethal clumsiness.   Joxer- Positive!  And you outta know that better than anyone...Autolycus.  Xena- What do ya mean, Joxer?  Joxer- Only...that I wasn't the last person to see Revenica alive.  450kb wav or 208kb mp3
  45. Joxer- And it was Minya in the bedroom with the...!!  All- Quiet!!  88kb wav or 42kb mp3
  46. Joxer- Gabby, Sophocles said that plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.  Gabrielle- It doesn't excuse the fact  you took my scroll.  Okay, you were willing to take my place with Discord, I'm willing to forgive you.  Joxer- She likes me.  382kb wav or 189kb mp3
  47. Lila- Me?  Joxer- Oh, wait a minute now...sure, sure it looks bad, Lila in the bedroom with the knife.  133kb wav or 62kb mp3
  48. Lila- Okay, I, I admit that when I saw Revenica with her back to the corner and her eyes to the door I did think it was odd.  But I never touched her things, no matter how they smell.  Gabrielle- You see Xena, you can't suspect Lila.  Xena- Until I figure out exactly who did it, I suspect everyone.  C'mon Gabrielle, I need your help...Autolycus,  yours too.   Joxer ...Don't need your help.  588kb wav or 284kb mp3
  49. Lila- Is this what you're looking for?  Minya- Yeah!  Thanks!  I owe ya.  Lila- Are you kidding...if you hadn't distracted Revenica, who knows what she would have done to me.  You're a real hero, Minya.  Minya- Yeah?  Lila- Yeah.  Minya- Yeah?  I guess I am.  336kb wav or 154kb mp3
  50. Minya- What are these for? 18kb wav or 10kb mp3
  51. Minya- Revenica...ugh...  Xena- You knew her?   Minya- I only met her once in person, but I saw enough of her work in the stables to last a lifetime.  Cyrene- Stables...   Minya- Yeah, she'd catch her bounties by slowing down there horses.  Lila- How did she do that?  Minya- Cutting their tendons...hobbling them.  Poor things, most of them had to be put down.   She's a real piece of work.  Xena- Are you sure that the dead woman is Revenica?  Minya- Another look and I'd be positive.  Yeah, it's her alright.  Joxer- Ah ha!  So you admit you knew her!  Maybe you liked those horsees a little too much.  862kb wav or 405kb mp3
  52. Minya- You can leave me alive.  Xena- Wait a minute...Alright, alright, settle down...No one's calling anyone anything.  Autolycus- Xena's right, we are all friends here.  Most of us.  Lila- Joxer's just looking at it from every angle.  Right Joxer?  Joxer- That's right.  Xena- Oh yes, Joxer is very broad minded.  Look!   Revenica has been murdered and someone here is responsible.  Gabrielle- Xena, we've got trouble...What's going on?  All- Surprise.  Gabrielle- Okay, but Xena there's a bounty hunter after you...she's on the floor...dead?  All- Dead.  Gabrielle- I guess you found her first, huh?  1,010kb wav or 498kb mp3
  53. Minya- Smells lavendery alright.  Gabrielle- That's impossible, Xena.  The only one who wears lavender perfume here would be...   Lila- Me?  Joxer- Oh wait a minute now...sure, sure it looks bad, Lila in the bedroom with the knife.  But it's obvious...  Lila- Obvious?!  Joxer, these things only smell of...  Joxer- That, that, please I'm trying to help you out here.   Now look Lila couldn't have killed Revenica, because at the time of the murder her whereabouts were completely, unequivocally and with out a doubt...unknown.  722kb wav or 348kb mp3
  54. Minya- Okay!  It's mine alright...the knife's mine.  Joxer- See, I told you it was her in the bedroom with the knife the whole time!  Minya- It was not.  Joxer- It was.  186kb wav or 88kb mp3
  55. Minya- So that's what killed was Joxer in his bedroom with an inkwell.  100kb wav or 49kb mp3
  56. Minya- We were just trying to protect you.  Lila- That's right.  When Minya told me who Revenica was, I was only to glad to help.   Xena- Help do what?!  Minya- Well it was my idea... think this storm is rough, huh?  You should have seen the one that struck my village about four years ago.  Lila- Bad?  Minya- With a capital beta.  Yeah, the wind was blowing so hard that everything that wasn't tied down got blown away.  Ya know like hay rack animals.  And rain, one guy he gosh,  he wanted to build a big boat and sell double occupancies. Yeah was wet. 958kb wav or 454kb mp3
  57. Minya- It was wet.  13kb wav or 7kb mp3
  58. Revenica- Looking to steal my horse?  Lila- No. I trying to calm them, the storm has got them scared.  Revenica- Looks to me that the only one scared out here is you.  259kb wav or 131kb mp3
  59. Revenica- Everyone is so considerate here.  Taking care of my horse...and your what...taking care of my room?  Minya- I don't know what came over me...but seeing her standing there, knowing what she was, knowing what she does...I guess, I guess I just saw red.  Catch.  I high-tailed it out of there...I thought she'd follow me and have it out, but she didn't. 751kb wav or 366kb mp3
  60. Xena- Well, gee glad to see you too.  33kb wav or 18kb mp3
  61. Xena- Autolycus, I'd have never picked you for a party boy.  Autolycus- Well call me sentimental, but I hear cake and ice cream...and I'm there.  260kb wav or 130kb mp3
  62. Xena- Retribution, huh, I guess you got to start somewhere?  65kb wav or 34kb mp3
  63. Xena- You think I did it?  Discord- I wish...Unfortunately, I saw enough to know it wasn't you.  142kb wav or 71kb mp3
  64. Xena- The only other people here are my family and saying that one of them is the murderer?  Discord-'re telling me.  After all, takes one to know one...and someone did kill her.  Xena- Clearly, but...  Discord- No buts...You either cough up the killer by sunrise, or I take one of your buddies.  Your choice...but either way...someone's gonna pay.  519kb wav or 261kb mp3
  65. Xena- I've got until sunrise to find out who did it. Lila- Sunrise will be here in no time.  Joxer- One of us, that's absurd.   Minya- She's dead alright.  Autolycus- Well that's typical, leave it to the gods to try and frame an innocent party.  Joxer- Yeah, Autolycus is right, she's dead but she could have had a heart conditionAutolycus- Yeah, maybe it grew that knife?  Cyrene- She was a total stranger, Xena.  Xena- Then it's time we got acquainted.  543kb wav or 264kb mp3
  66. Xena- Let's take a look.  Autolycus- Muzzles, leather bonds, manacles...oh, nothing unusual here.  Xena- He's right...these are the basic tools of the trade for a...  Cyrene- Bounty hunter.  I saw that on her arm when I served her, but I didn't think of it until now.  475kb wav or 236kb mp3
  67. Xena- So you knew she was a bounty hunter?  Cyrene- Not until you pulled out the manacles and chains.  Then it hit me, be fore that...why?  Xena- Because when I first heard the crash I went into your room and you weren't there.  Cyrene- The storm kept me awake...I was putting water on the coals in the kitchen when I heard the crash.  545kb wav or 260kb mp3
  68. Xena- I gotta ask ya this, Mom.  You killed once before to protect me, is history repeating itself?  Cyrene- That was different, I was protecting a child.  Xena- Well ya know what they say, no matter what your're always a child to your Mother.  383kb wav or 186kb mp3
  69. Xena- Autolycus, come and give us a hand would ya?  Autolycus- Big job running a tavern...lots of things to keep track of, huh?  Food, drink, keys...hey what do you know, you have a set of key to my room.  Heh heh Xena's and Joxer's...of course you would a key to every room in the place wouldn't ya, Cyrene?  Cyrene- Meaning?  Autolycus- Meaning  you must know every creaky floorboard and squeaky hinge in the entire place...why you could float around here like a ghost if you had to.  Xena- And why would she wanna do that?  Autolycus- Bounty hunter checks in, and despite what she says I think she knew it. You  also knew it was damn likely that your daughter would be on her list.  Xena- Autolycus, we already had this discussion. Autolycus- Then you must agree that no one has better means ,or a stronger motive to kill Revenica than your own dear, overprotective Mother.  Sorry Cyrene, tough break...I'm outta here.  Xena- He's an idiot.  1,419kb wav or 667kb mp3
  70. Xena- Whoever did this was sloppy.  Autolycus- And dumb.  53kb wav or 26kb mp3
  71. Xena- Minya, you might have noticed that your knife sticking out of her chest.  Gabrielle- You mean her heart.  Xena- No her chest.  About half a hand below her heart, but it was still enough to kill her.   If she hadn't already been dead.  Gabrielle- You're saying the knife didn't kill her?  Xena- That's right.   Autolycus- Ho, ho, ho...well that's just perfect.  So instead of wrapping everything up, you're spinning more yarn just to make things worse.   Gabrielle- No she isn't....because I killed Revenica.  717kb wav or 350kb mp3
  72. Xena- You can't have killed her, you weren't even here.  Gabrielle- If it wasn't the knife, then it had to be me.  You see I ran into Revenica two days ago.  I heard she was hot on your trail, so I decided to slow her down.  I thought I could get here first and warn you.  So, I put Joxer's gravy recipe in her water bag.  All- Ewww...  Xena- That's in human.  Gabrielle It was only enough to give her the trots for a couple of days, not enough to kill her...unless she was allergic to it, and with the rash on the back of her neck...she had to be.  Which means I am the killer.  782kb wav or 374kb mp3
  73. Xena- SHUT UP!!!  19kb wav or 10kb mp3
  74. Xena- Okay, we don't have very much time.  Which means I'm gonna want some straight answers.  Starting with you!  Joxer- Me?  What have I got to hide?  Xena- Nothing but want it, huh...want it...  Joxer- Xena...give it!   Xena- Now this has been missing from Revenica's things since we unpacked them.  I wouldn't mind betting that that third bounty scroll is somewhere in your bedroom somewhere...correctamundo?  Joxer- A...a...a...a...  Autolycus- Where do you think you're going...killer?  Joxer- Uh...oh...okay, okay!  It all started when I got a note.... from Lila.  It was a love note...doused with lavender.  Of course I was flattered, who wouldn't be?  Lila's was terrific, but I'm already in love with Ga...with galavanting around fighting for peace and justice.  So , naturally, I decided to let her down with a little note of my own.  Autolycus- I'm sure she was crushed.  Joxer- I, uh, did takes bits and pieces from Gabrielle's scroll...  Gabrielle- Do you have one of my scrolls?!  Joxer- Oh, well...  Xena- Go on with your story, JoxerJoxer- Just a minute!  Some people, boy, I'll tell ya.  What the....  Revenica- Well, if it isn't the famous assassin himself.  Going a little soft aren't you, Jed?  Joxer- You see, she had mistaken me for my villainous twin brother, Jed, happens all the time.   Ya got the wrong guy...  Revenica- Can it...I got bigger fish on the line, but I'm warning you Jed, get in my way and this won't be the only thing I rip into.  Lavender?  You are getting soft.  2,533kb wav or 1,228kb mp3
  75. Xena-  I'm gonna want some straight answers.  Starting with you!  Joxer- Me?  What have I got to hide?  Xena- Nothing but want it, huh...want it...  Joxer- Xena...give it!   Xena- Now this has been missing from Revenica's things since we unpacked them.  I wouldn't mind betting that that third bounty scroll is somewhere in your bedroom somewhere...correctamundo?  Joxer- A...a...a...a...  Autolycus- Where do you think you're going...killer?  Joxer- Uh...oh...okay, okay!  744kb wav or 365kb mp3
  76. Xena- You did that for me?  23kb wav or 12kb mp3
  77. Xena- If your not satisfied, you can take me  59kb wav or 32kb mp3
  78. Xena- I'm really, really sorry that I suspected you.  Cyrene- I'm not...cause it's true, I would kill to protect you Xena.  Any mother who loves her child would.  I'm just glad I don't have to.  466kb wav or 228kb mp3
  79. Zapped52kb wav or 24kb mp3

Return to