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Sounds from If The Shoe Fits

Video tape copy of this episode was graciously donated by Xenite "Pat" from Naples, FL. USA

Download all 46 sounds in .wav format 15.5 MB    or   Download all 46 sounds in .mp3 format 11.3 MB
Yes, there is something new and it starts here.  All the sounds you love in both .wav and the new smaller .mp3 format.

Cast of characters:  Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer,  Queen Mistria, Tyrella, Tyro, Pelia, Harmonia, Zantar, and the others… 
This is a very mixed up fairy tale - so many of the characters are played by more than one person.  And if you can understand what the little girl is saying - you are better than me, I did my best.  I hope you're good with voice recognition when they change fairy tale roles!!  As always, please let me know what ya think. -

  1. Intro- It's a one of a kind - once upon a time --- a far-out fairy tale, about a wicked stepmother, a wanna-be prince, and a princess who's just the right fit. 293kb wav or 135kb mp3
  2. Alicea- Help! You have to save me from my evil fairy godmother. Xena- Your evil fairy godmother?  Who's that? Alicea- Her! Aphrodite- Wha???  121kb wav or 91kb mp3
  3. Alicea- Gabrielle, who were all those men at Tyrella's house?  Gabrielle- They were swimming instructors.  Alicea- Oh...  103kb wav or 75kb mp3
  4. Alicea- Joxer, (I have no idea what she says here)?   Joxer- No, I was ambushed, it was Aphrodite.  Xena- Where's Zantar?  Joxer- He went off with Aphrodite.  She's disguised as an old lady.  Gabrielle- Xena...I...  Xena- Where were you?  Gabrielle- I went to look for Zantar's men.   They were beating up this old woman.  Xena- Gabrielle, the old woman was Aphrodite.  Gabrielle- Now how was I supposed to know that?  228kb wav or 155kb mp3
  5. Alicea- I wanna hear the rest of the story.  Xena- Alright, well let me tell ya what really happened.  Tyrella had a step family alright, but no one pushed her around.  One day Tyrella busy sharpening her sword... when...  Alicea- Xena?  Shouldn't Tyrella wear a dress?   If Tyrella's a girl isn't she supposed to have a step-mother?  Evil Stepmother- Tyrella!! What have you been doing all morning?!  Tyrella- Oh, see I uh... I fought a warlord... saved a village and rescued a burning wagon full of orphans.  Evil Stepmother- Hmm, just as I thought lolly-gagging again.  496kb wav or 361kb mp3
  6. Alicea- Help! Somebody! We're locked in!  Queen Mistria- Is it really so bad being locked in here with me?  Alicea- I hate you.  Queen Mistria- Really??  Then I'm glad Xena locked us in here, it'll give us a chance to talk.  Alicea- I'll never talk to you, you're evil.  Queen Mistria- Your father likes me. Alicea- You put a spell on him.  I'll never like you.  Queen Mistria- What did I do?  Alicea- You stole my Daddy from meQueen Mistria- No I didn't.   He's just as much yours as he always was.  Alicea- No he's not.  Now he's yoursQueen Mistria- How about we make him ours?  Alicea- Well...  Queen Mistria- Alicea I know it's been hard since your mother died, but I want you to know, I really care about you.  Alicea- You do??  Queen Mistria- Yes!  Your father's told me all about you.  How you like stories... Can't we have a happy ending?  Alicea- I thought every story had a happy ending.  But now I don't know.  Because of me, Zantar stole the crown jewels and Gabrielle left Xena forever.  I've ruined everything...  824kb wav or 605kb mp3
  7. Aphrodite- Now look what you've done!!  Oh... you.. monster!!   I told you never to play with the bottle marked passion!! It's totally explosive stuff!!  Xena- Aphrodite, what's going on?  Aphrodite- Xena?! What are you doing here?!  Alicea- Xena! 172kb wav or 139kb mp3
  8. Aphrodite- Admit it, you miss the little monster.  Aphrodite- As if!! What's there to miss? The noise, the crying, the fairy godmother rap? She did have potential.  Aphrodite- Fess up girlfriend, you're suffering from empty nest syndrome.  Your little boy Cupid is all grown up and now you're lonely.  She was kinda cute, wasn't she? Aphrodite- Well duh!   Your problem is you didn't play the mommy gig long enough, ya know.  Aphrodite- Like stories and cuddles and that sorta stuff?  I could do that.  You think I could do that?  Aphrodite- Totally... She could be your personal mascot, demi-goddess of puppy love.  Aphrodite- Tubular! I am such a visionary!  489kb wav or 369kb mp3
  9. Aphrodite- What a riot!  Gabrielle- And I suppose you could do better?  Aphrodite- Pa-leez!  You didn't know your auntie Aphrodite could tell stories did ya?  Well, I make'em sizzle.   Ok, here's what really happened...Time for a breather - if ya can't take the heat, boys, get outta my kitchen.  Pelia, where are you my vixen?  Pelia- I'm here mother.  I'm as dry as a lizard.  Where's the hagster to bring us some beverages.  Aphrodite- Good question. Together- Tyrella!!  524kb wav or 386mp3
  10. Aphrodite- You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Bad Guys- laughing.  Aphrodite- Stop it - you know what I mean. (editor note: is that a zipper I hear?)  119kb wav or 88kb mp3
  11. Aphrodite- (laughing) Yadda, yadda, yadda...Talk about your sappy stories. Look kid, we had some fun, didn't we?  But this love thing, it's not something I can teach you.  You'll have to learn it on your own.  And this is as good a place as any, there's alot of love here from your Dad and your Stepmom.  Alicea- My Stepmother, she doesn't love me.  Aphrodite- Oh yes she does.  Take it from me...I know about these things.  Alicea- Ok.    Xena- Aphrodite, you wanted Alicea back, how come you just didn't put a spell on her?  Aphrodite- Duh?!   If I'd a done that, then I'd never know if she really wanted me.  Xena-   So you really care about her?  Aphrodite- Me?  Care about a mortal? As if...  Xena- I thought so.  655kb wav or 483kb mp3
  12. Brother1- Who are you?  Aphrodite- Aphrodite, goddess of love... I have a proposition for you.  Bad Guys- (laughing)   Aphrodite- Not that kind of proposition...   130kb wav or 97kb mp3
  13. Dance- Prince and Tyrella  1,191kb wav or 857kb mp3
  14. Gabrielle- Once...upon a time, there was a sweet young girl named...Tyrella.  She was happy, even though she lived with her wicked Stepmother.   The meanest, crankiest, most horrid woman alive.  182kb wav or 138kb mp3
  15. Gabrielle- Tyrella's Stepmother reached out with her grotesque... Alicea- Wait! I know what happens next.  Tyrella takes the clippers and stabs her evil Stepmother.  Over and over and over and over again!  Gabrielle- No - No... Tyrella deals with her problems in a more positive way.  256kb wav or 188kb mp3
  16. Gabrielle- After all we've been though, that's what you think of me?!   The fairy godmother of dishes?!?  Xena - that's my only use to you??  Xena- Oh, C'mon... it was just a story.  I just meant we were like family, and in a family... Gabrielle- You have no idea how useful I am.  I'm outta here!  I need space!  Xena- Gabrielle... Gabrielle- No!!  202kb wav or 150 mp3
  17. Gabrielle- Aphrodite!  I know you can hear me.  Sorry!   Oops, clumsy me!  Aphrodite- Ok!!  Chill the 'tude, miss thing I'm here!! Gabrielle- I want you to leave Alicea alone.  Aphrodite- She came to me!  You heard what she said, she hates her family.  Gabrielle- All I see is this confused little girl.  She doesn't realize how much she misses her family, all these people who love her.  If you don't stop meddling you're going to break them up.   Aphrodite- I just wanted a happy ending for her.  Gabrielle- You just want your happy ending, regardless of her....  Tell me - miss expert - is that what you call love?  Just a thought...  584kb wav or 432kb mp3
  18. (Groovin' - yeah baby!!) Xena- Stop right there!  Zantar- It was just gettin' good. Xena- Don't say another word...  307kb wav or 221kb mp3
  19. Harmonia- Kyro the Mighty...  Kyro- Kick a man when he's down...  Harmonia- I'm here to help... of course if you're not interested in going to the party...  Kyro- The party?!  No... I'd love to go! ...... Wait a minute - who are you?  Harmonia- Harmonia, fairy godmother, at your service.  Let' see, you're going to need a new outfit and a ride and...what else?  Kyro- Well. let's see I could use....Social skills.  Harmonia- Trust me you'll have many skills.  Kyro- Oh.  Harmonia- Just remember my spell only lasts until sun up, in other words, until the sand runs out, so must you.  514kb wav or 374kb mp3
  20. Joxer- Aagh, abandon ship!! We're going down!! ...  Oh, good morning.  Hi Gabrielle - new outfit?  Looks good.  Gabrielle- Shut up!!  Joxer- What'd I say?!!  171kb wav or 125kb mp3
  21. Joxer- Uh, Ok, Ok, Uh... well, was the night of the big party, and he was... Alicea- Don't you mean she?  Joxer- How old are you?  Alicea- Seven.  Joxer- Wanna be eight?  It was he...  143kb wav or 105kb mp3
  22. Joxer- Well, at least that nutty broad, Aphrodite isn't around.   Heh, what an airhead... talk about your half-wits...she's half baked and half dressed....heh heh...Hello Aphrodite.  Aphrodite- Outta my way stud-muffin.  163kb wav or 120kb mp3
  23. Joxer- Don't feel bad - Aphrodite almost fooled me too.  28kb wav or 22 kb mp3
  24. Joxer- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!!  Xena- What... are you doing?!  Joxer- Well look Xena, I'm side-kicking.  I'm your, your comrade in arms...your're the comet and I'm ajax... you're the Achilles and I'm your heel...don't ya see?  Look with these fits of fury, you'll have no problem beating anybody... watch...every muscle is tight...notice the action...Ouch!!  Oh, my mouth there a problem?  Xena- I'm going after Zantar.  You stay here and make sure he doesn't return to the scene of his crime.  Joxer- Right!  I'll wait for him.   Wait a minute...why would he come back here?  He's already got all the dough.   Xena! Wait!  596kb wav or 439kb mp3
  25. Joxer- I am ten times the sidekick that Gabrielle is.  Now, Zantar, if I ever see that big, fat, porky, bulbous, behemoth of a hippo,  I'm gonna tell him...what a great guy he is!  Zantar- Now we have a little insurance, in case Xena gets in our way.  Xena- Nice plan...if I cared...  253kb wav or 185kb mp3
  26. Messenger- Well, hello you coo coo crazy chicks.  I, uh, have a message from that royal hipster - the prince.  Pelia- Ooo, the Prince - I knew I smelled money.  Evil Stepsister- That Prince, I knew he couldn't stay away from me forever.  Messenger- The Prince wishes to invite all good lookin chicks to his royal ball tonight.  From those, he's gonna pick a bride, ya dig?  Evil Stepsister & Pelia- A bride!  Tyrella - A royal party, I'm so excited.  Messenger- Ooo, that chick is square, baby.  Evil Stepsister- Loser!!   Pelia- Exqueeze me??  What are you so psyched about?   Honey, the prince is lookin for a babe, not a heffer.  507kb wav or 372kb mp3
  27. Queen Mistria- Don't cry my princess, why I'll bet Tyrella will do just what Xena would... (fight scene where clothes and roles keep changing) Brother1- If we can't have your money - no one can.  Prince- she's a man!   Xena- So Tyrella arrested her Stepsister, she saved the prince, and she retrieved the family jewels.  Alicea- Did she and the prince get married and live happily ever after?  Xena- Uh, no...but she and her fairy godsister did make a pack that from now on, they would help one another be all that they could be.  1,039kb wav or 753kb mp3
  28. Pelia- Mommy!! My stupid stepsister ruined everything!!  Evil Stepmother & Pelia-  Tyrella!!  Tyrella- Yes, stepmother dear?  Evil Stepmother - Can't you do anything right?   Tyrella- There's nothing wrong with the dress.  Your anger is misplaced, it's a convenient way to avoid you deeper emotions.  The same way that your mistreatment of me and my belongings is your way to avoid intimacy.  You both need to get in touch with your inner child.  360kb wav or 266kb mp3
  29. Prince- How about you?  Would you care to try it on?  If it fits, I can promise you a happy ending.  Xena- Ah, know what seem like a real nice fella, so I'll make this nice a simple for ya.  I don't need you or a fairy godmother, or anyone else to give me a happy ending.   That's something that I'll get or I won't get, all by my own self.  I suggest you peddle this shoe someplace else.  Prince- But you could be a princess, live in a castle...  Xena- Out! C'mon - get going...   Prince- You're pinching my royal bottom!   423kb wav or 310kb mp3
  30. Evil Stepmother- Pelia, c'mere sweetie.  Pelia- Mommy!!  Look at what my stupid stepsister did, she ruined my Calvineus Klieneous. Evil Stepmother & Pelia-  Tyrella!!  Tyrella- Yes, dear stepmother?  Evil Stepmother- there's a crease in Pelia's dress. Aren't you forgetting something?  Tyrella- I swept the floor, washed the dishes, cleaned the attic, weeded the garden, I dug you a new well.  I've been terribly busy.  Evil Stepmother- Well, get over it!!  You've neglected your most important duty...  Tyrella- What could that possibly be?  Evil Stepmother- my clipping!!       (scream)     Gabrielle- Joxer!!  Calm down.  Joxer- But that foot?!  What are ya trying to do scare the kid half to death!  What is it honey?  Alicea- Tell me a story Joxer.  578kb wav or 433kb mp3
  31. Evil Stepmother & Pelia- Tyrella!!  Pelia- Love the outfit Tyrella....NOT!!  102kb wav or 76kb mp3
  32. Song (Prince & Tyrella)  666kb wav or 484kb mp3
  33. Evil Stepmother- The Prince won't marry either of you.  Well, if we can't get to his crown jewels that way...we'll just have to...cut and run.  Fairy Godsister- Tyrella...Your stepmother and stepsisters are going to rob the kingdom of the crown jewels.  You have to stop them.  Tyrella- Right... I'm on it!  Fairy Godsister- Wait!  I'm your Fairy Godsister, do you want my help?  Tyrella- Yeah, could you get rid of those dishes.  The place is a mess.  Fairy Godsister- If that is how I'm useful to you, my pleasure.  446kb wav or 328 kb mp3
  34. (Now...he was very excited... and his name was...Tyro!!)  Tyro- Aaaggghhhh!!! Why, hello, stepfather dear, stepbrother dear.  Evil Stepfather- Tyro the Clumsy strikes again.  Tyro- It was an accident.  Brother 1- You were the accident!   258kb wav or 187kb mp3
  35. Xena- I hate's late!  Gabrielle?  Gabrielle?   On the one morning I ask you to wake me up...I got Zantar right where I want him.   I hope he's still asleep.  Well, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! Rope...  317kb wav or 265kb mp3
  36. Xena- Gabrielle, what's going on?  I woke up, I took a bath, I know I put my shirt on that tree.  It's just gone!  Well, it doesn't make any sense?!  Unless an animal took it?  Ya know, a fashionable beaver or, or...Oh you didn't...  255kb wav or 138kb mp3
  37. Xena- Gabrielle, I was in a hurry. We ran out of rope.  Gabrielle- You stole my favorite shirt?!  It's the only shirt that goes with this skirt, Xena!  You used it to tie up that, that smelly warlord and that's your ran out of rope?!  Xena- The good news is you found something else to wear.  Gabrielle- It's a sack!  217kb wav or 145kb mp3
  38. Xena- How come you let Joxer sleep in so late?  Gabrielle- I was topless!  67kb wav or 50kb mp3
  39. Xena- Let's hear it Aphrodite, what this all about?  Aphrodite- The little rugrat wandered in yesterday and said something about her Dad and her wicked Stepmom.  So you know me, I was just trying to help and she became, like, totally bizarro and now she's calling me...  Alicea- an evil fairy godmother!  Aphrodite- Aagh!  That's it... as if!!   Dear child, do these features look evil?  237kb wav or 179kb mp3
  40. Xena- Gabrielle, are you alright?  Gabrielle- Fine... What's this about a stepfather?  You never told me that.  Xena- Yes I did, didn't I?  Gabrielle- No.  Xena- It's not important, I'm trying to help Alicea...  Gabrielle- What, and I'm not?  Xena, who just climbed that tree looking for Zantar's men?  Xena- So what did you see?  Gabrielle- They're right behind us.  Xena- I'm going to double back and take care of them.  Alicea, I'll be back.  Stay here with Gabrielle, she's going to tell you a story.  Gabrielle- I will?  Xena- Yes, you're good at them.  Gabrielle- Ok.  Alicea- I hope it has a happy ending.  377kb wav or 282kb mp3
  41. Xena- Maybe we shouldn't let Joxer tell the story?  Gabrielle- Yes we should... Where's the oil?  Xena- In the saddlebag.   It's just that he's making him sound like such a victim.  Gabrielle- I didn't hear you volunteer.  Xena- No...well, I'm not much of a story teller, I'm more a woman of action.  Gabrielle- Great...take action and get some water - I'm gonna pouch the fish.   Xena- Alright...  288kb wav or 212kb mp3
  42. Xena- I've stalled Zantar's men down across the river.  I'm gonna go down there and deal with them.  Gabrielle- What do you want from me?  My skirt, my boots, my underwear?  Xena- No, that would be too cruel.  115kb wav or 85kb mp3
  43. Xena- Where's Alicea?  Joxer- Alicea?   Alicea!!  Xena- Alicea!  Joxer- Alicea!  Zantar- She wandered off - can't say I blame her after hearing your story.  If I wasn't tied up I'd kill ya.  Xena- Shut up!  176kb wav or 130kb mp3
  44. Xena- Gabrielle??  Gabrielle- I was cooking!   Xena- I left you in charge.  Gabrielle- are you saying it was my fault she ran away again?  Xena- Far too dangerous for a little girl to be out here on her own.  I'm gonna go after her...and you two stay right here.  Gabrielle- I can't believe she's blaming me for this.  Joxer- I can.  225kb wav or 166kb mp3
  45. Xena- Why did you run away??  Alicea- Have you ever heard Joxer tell a story??  Xena- Well, that's a good point...all fairy tales have a purpose and even when Joxer tell one, there's a message there.  Alicea-  144kb wav or 107kb mp3
  46. Zantar- Tomorrow, we head east to Valeria.  They had a big harvest this year, so they'll be loaded with extra cash.  Brother 1- Good to have ya back bro'  Brother 2- Yeah!  Picking up right where you left off!  Zantar- Only this time I'll be smart.   No way I'm going back to that stinking jail.  Xena- (war cry)  Brother 1- Oh, she's good...  416kb wav or 350kb mp3

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