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Xena: Warrior Princess, Gabrielle, Argo and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Xena: Warrior Princess, together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
NOTE: All works remain the © copyright of the original author. These may not be republished without the author's consent.
by Melissa Mahan
ACT ONE: NEWS OF HER DEATH
People leave an inn as the bar area closes. A drunk man falls to the ground. Autolycus steps over him and scoffs. He sees Xena lurking around and starts towards her, she is seen just inside the shadows.
AUTO: Hey Xena?!
THUG: Xena? (Notice her) It is her!
The thug runs up and grabs Xena, as she pulls away in vain. Autolycus runs to help her, but he is too late as the thug stabs her.
AUTO: No! (Thug runs) You son of a bitch, I'll kill you. (Runs after him) You're dead!
The thug gets away and Autolycus returns to Xena as she lays bleeding to death. He pulls the knife out and crys as he holds her. She tries to speak but can't.
AUTO: I love you, Xena. (Sobs) I'm sorry I couldn't stop that guy in time. (Xena dies) I love you.
Later Autolycus kisses Xena on the lips and lights her funeral pyre. He sits as close as he can and cries. The next day he makes his way to find Gabrielle, but finds Joxer instead. Joxer is brushing Argo, he turns to look at Autolycas.
AUTO: Where's Gabrielle?
Joxer wondering about Autolycus's motives raises his eyebrows at him, then scoffs.
AUTO: I need to tell her something, in private.
JOXER: Now just hold on... I love Gabrielle and she dosen't like you that much! (Sighs) So forget it pal!
AUTO: No you moron! I have to tell her about Xena!
JOXER: Ah?! (Chuckles) Xena, huh?
Gabrielle walks out of the woods and gives Autolycus the look and then shoots it to Joxer.
GABBY: What is he doing here?!
AUTO: I have to tell you something unpleasant.
GABBY: Autolycus, everything about you is unpleasant.
JOXER: I told you she dosen't like you much.
AUTO: Shut up, Joxer!
GABBY: Lay off him, Autolycus!
GABBY: Shut up, Joxer!
AUTO: Fine I'll just tell you... Xena's dead!
JOXER & GABBY: What?!
AUTO: I tried to save her but this thug stabed her before I could. (Sobs) I'm sorry.
GABBY: Oh you have lost it!
JOXER: No kidding.
AUTO: She's dead!
JOXER: Yeah. (Looks at Gabrielle) Sure.
AUTO: Understand I took care of Xena's body last night.
XENA: Well then it must of been pretty bad, because I sure don't remeber anything about it.
Autolycus looks at Xena with shock.
Autolycus runs up and gives Xena a big kiss. Gabrielle and Joxer look on with their mouths open.
JOXER: I think they need to be alone?
GABBY: Come on.
Gabrielle pulls Joxer off to the river. They sit on a fallen tree and look at the water.
JOXER: Nice day.
JOXER: Gabby, I...
Joxer is cut off by Xena's warcry not far behind them.
JOXER: Maybe we should stop her from killing him.
GABBY: Nah, that guy really bugs me.
JOXER: I really bug you too.
GABBY: Yes Joxer, but with you it's diffrent.
JOXER: Oh? (Wondering) How am I diffrent?
GABBY: Well you know I...
Gabrielle is cut short by Autolycus and Xena's moaning.
GABBY: Oh my gods!
JOXER: No it couldn't be what it sounds like. (Scoffs)
GABBY: Yeah, you're right.
Gabrielle and Joxer just sit there. Xena and Autolycus get louder. Gabrielle looks at Joxer, who looks down.
GABBY: No, you're not right.
JOXER: I know. (Turning red)
GABBY: I can't believe them?
JOXER: I know. (Turning purple)
GABBY: Joxer?! (Giggles) Why are you so embarrassed?
JOXER: Well I... Um, well it's just that I...
GABBY: You look like a plum. (Giggles)
GABBY: Well I'll tell you a story. Maybe that will take our minds off... (Sighs) Well you know?
Gabrielle starts to tell Joxer a story.
ACT TWO: FEELING THE HEAT
Xena and Autolycus get louder. Gabrielle stops to clear her throat, then tries to finish telling Joxer the story. Only to mess up the words as Xena screams go on and on. Joxer is sheepish, but amused.
GABBY: The man got off his horse and...
XENA: Oh Aut... tolycus!
GABBY: The man got off... (Pauses) His horse and went to the flowing river, he bent down to drink from her bank... (Sighs) I mean, the river bank.
JOXER: He needed something wet... Um, to drink?
GAABY: Yes! (Rubs her neck) He ah...
AUTO: Oh Xena!
GABBY: He... He decided to bathe in the river. So he took off his clothes... (Pauses) Then he plunged into the warm... water and it felt so good... so good...
XENA: Oh yes!
JOXER: Because he got the dirt of himself?
AUTO: Oh gods!
GABBY: Um, yeah. (Sighs) He was very dirty and the wet warm... water took it all off of him. As it rushed past him in a ever faster motion... (Sighs) Faster and faster until...
JOXER: So what happened next, Gabby?
GABBY: Huh? (Looks at Joxer) Oh? Um, he got out and was dripping wet... (Leans forward) Very wet.
JOXER: So he dried off?
GABBY: Uh, huh. (Looks at the ground) That's right.
Gabrielle crossed her legs and pulled at her skirt. A smile came over Joxer. He knew then that Gabrielle was turned on by the sounds of Autolycus and Xena's love making coming from the other side of the tree line.
JOXER: Gabby? (Gabrielle rolls her eyes) Hello?
GABBY: Yeah! (Giggles) I was just trying to remember the rest of the story. (Kicking her foot around)
JOXER: It's no wonder why you forgot, as loud as they are. (Pauses) I mean... Um, you know?
GABBY: Are you trying to say it's bothering me?! (Grabs Joxer upper arm) Is that what you are saying?!
JOXER: Well I... I mean... It is distracting. (Blushes)
GABBY: Well it's not bothering me at all. (Huffs) I just forgot this story, that's all. (Scoffs) I am only human you know. (Sighs) Humans do these things.
JOXER: Yeah. (Tries not to laugh)
GABBY: What's so funny?!
JOXER: Nothing. (Turns away) It's just...
Gabrielle starts to giggle as she falls over on Joxer.
GABBY: It is funny. (Sighs) Me trying to tell a story with all the moaning going on. (Fakes a few moans and giggles) As if it could ever take our minds off of it?!
Gabrielle gasps at what she had just said and sat up. She shut her eyes and when she opened them again Joxer was looking right at her. His big brown eyes seemed to burn holes into hers, she bit her bottom lip.
JOXER: Are you alright, Gabrielle?
GABBY: I'm fine. (Sighs) Just need... Need to go for a walk and clear my head.
Joxer was confused a bit as Gabrielle got up and walked away from him. He started to pout as he sat back down, until he heard water slash and Gabrielle squeal. Joxer got up and took a peak from behind some bushes, as he did so he notice her clothes right next to him. Joxer could only see her from her neck up as she played in the river naked. He looked back and forth from her to her clothes and then took them. He chuckled as he ran off with them in his hands.
ACT THREE: A SLOWER PACE
Gabrielle got out of the water and to her horror found her clothes gone. She looked around in a rush to find them in vain. She grabbed some long leafs from a bush and made a covering with it, just as Autolycus came out of the tree line.
AUTO: Jungle girl, nice look. (laughs)
GABBY: Shut up! (Growls) I can't find my clothes! (Sighs) Where's Xena and did you see Joxer anywhere?
AUTO: Xena is resting and as for the moron, who knows?
GABBY: Um, well could you look for them here while I go put something else on?
AUTO: I wasn't going anywhere, anyway.
GABBY: No I wouldn't think so. (Walking away) Jerk.
Joxer puts Gabrielle's clothes on her bed roll. Then he walks over and sees Xena asleep. He walks over to pet Argo. Gabrielle finds her clothes just sitting there and looks at her two friends. She assumes Joxer is the guilty of this little gag.
GABBY: Joxer?! (Joxer looks at her) You... Oh?!
JOXER: What's this a new outfit? (Smiles) A little native, but I like it. (Growls like a cat)
GABBY: Joxer, you will pay for this!
JOXER: Only if you catch me!
Joxer runs off Gabrielle starts to run after him, but stops when her make shift outfit falls off. With a growl she grabs her clothes and dresses. Joxer climbs up a tree and waits. He sees Autolycus looking around and then he walks towards camp. Joxer looks the other way and sees Gabrielle coming.
Joxer slips and falls off the limb, landing at her feet. Gabrielle bends down next to him.
GABBY: Are you hurt?
JOXER: I think I brused my brain.
GABBY: How much damage could something that small take?
JOXER: Ha, ha! (Scoffs) Help me up, please?
GABBY: Hum, no I think I'll just leave you here.
JOXER: Come on? (Trying to get up) Please?!
GABBY: Joxer? (Sighs) Why did you take my clothes?
JOXER: Well I... It was a joke.
GABBY: Oh?! (Giving him the look) I think you wanted to see me run around with nothing on!
Joxer backs up only to have Gabrielle match his steps. He stops as his back hits the tree behing him, she pins him to it. Before anything is said Autolycus sees them and laughs. Gabrielle marches off with a growl.
JOXER: Oh thanks alot Autolycus!
AUTO: What crawled up your butt and died?!
JOXER: I think she was gonna kiss me and you ruined it!
AUTO: You know you're so whipped by that blonde you can't even see she's just teasing you.
JOXER: Huh?! (Confused) What do ya' mean?
AUTO: Oh come on?! (Mocking Gabrielle) Joxer you dork I'm gonna hit you and then I'm gonna kiss you.
JOXER: Stop that! (Thinking) I don't get it.
AUTO: No and at this rate you never will. (Scoffs)
AUTO: Now calm down. (Sighs) I have a plan.
Autolycus starts to talk as Joxer thinks. Xena wakes up to find Gabrielle walking towards her.
XENA: Where are the guys?
GABBY: I left them alone back there, they'll be here shortly I'm sure. (Sighs) Um, are you...
XENA: Gabrielle don't say it! (Gets up) I'm going to the lake, tell Auto he can find me there.
Autolycus and Joxer bump into Xena.
XENA: Joxer stay here with Gabrielle. (Smiles) Auto come on? (walking off with Autolycus) Bye.
JOXER: Bye you guys. (Looks at Gabrielle) So what do you wanna do?
GABBY: Um, want to go for a walk? (Joxer nods) We can watch the sunset on that hill.
JOXER: That sounds nice.
ACT FOUR: SOMETHING'S WRONG
Xena and Autolycus were kissing under the water fall, when Autolycus snapped to what may of really happened.
XENA: What's wrong?
AUTO: Xena. (Backs off) If it wasn't you who died, then it had to be...
XENA: Diana, Leah or Meg.
AUTO: Unless you know someone else with that pretty face of yours?
XENA: Oh my gods! (Getting out of the water) Joxer.
AUTO: Yeah, he is sweet on Meg.
XENA: I have to find out who it was you saw die. You stay here with Gabrielle and Joxer, until I do. Not one word to either of them, you know how Joxer feels about her too. (Autolycus nods) I'll be back as fast as I can.
Gabrielle and Joxer got to the top of the hill, they sat looking at the sky. Joxer felt her laid on his thigh and he swallowed some air.
GABBY: It's so nice being here like this.
JOXER: Um, it is? (Sighs) I mean it is.
GABBY: Just don't take my clothes from me anymore.
JOXER: I never pull the same joke twice.
GABBY: I guess I'll have to watch you very closly then.
JOXER: I don't mind.
Gabrielle made a few wondering faces over his last statement, but then she just dismissed it. Joxer smiled at her as she raised her eyebrow.
JOXER: I said I don't... (Looks down) I don't mind.
GABBY: You really like my company that much?
JOXER: Gabby, I love yo... Your company.
GABBY: Ah, that's so sweet.
Gabrielle kissed Joxer near his lips. Xena ran up to them and looked at Joxer.
XENA: Joxer, you and Auto look after Gabrielle I have to go on a mission alone.
JOXER: Huh? (Scoffs) Xena when did this come up.
XENA: You know better than to ask.
Xena walks off as Joxer and Gabrielle look at each other. Then they get up and walk back to camp and find Autolycus sitting by the fire with a sad face.
GABBY: Auto, what do you know about Xena's mission?
AUTO: I know all of it but she told me not to tell either of you. (Pauses) You'll have to wait until she gets back. Right now there's nothing to wrorry about.
JOXER: Then why are you? You might be the king of Theifs, but you're not good at lying.
GABBY: Joxer's right, something is wrong I can tell.
AUTO: Look ask her when she gets back, I'm going to sleep. Xena shouldn't mind me sleeping in her bed roll.
Autolycus gets up and lays down in in the bed roll.
GABBY: Son of a Bacchae! (Tiger growls)
JOXER: Just calm down, Xena will tell us later.
GABBY: Oh you bet she will!
Joxer gabs Gabrielle by the arms softly.
GABBY: Joxer, I am so mad right now I could just...
JOXER: I know. (Hugs Gabrielle) We'll get to the bottom of this soon enough.
GABBY: Joxer your hand is at my bottom, move it or lose it pal.
JOXER: Sorry, I didn't mean to...
GABBY: Mmm? (Backs off) I'm going to bed, good night.
Joxer and Gabrielle go off to their bed rolls. Joxer notices Autolycus is fast asleep already and Gabrielle is looking right at him. Joxer smiles at her. Soon all of them are asleep.
ACT ACT FIVE: NOW FOR THE BAD NEWS
Xena walks away from Meg's place and stops at a tree. She puts her hand on it and a tear falls from her face. She knew the sad truth. Meg was killed while dressed as her. She wondered if Joxer would blame her, like she blamed herself. She made her way to Argo and road off. Autolycus was sitting up on a tree limb watching Joxer and Gabrielle without their knowage.
GABBY: Joxer?! (Giggles) Stop it!
JOXER: Oh Gabby, you love it!
GABBY: Ok it was funny, but enough is enough.
JOXER: Ah, come on?!
Joxer makes a face at Gabrielle and she burst out laughing. Then he makes another one and she grabs him by the shirt. She looks at him, as he grins.
GABBY: What do I have to do to make you stop?
Joxer draws his lips up at Gabrielle. She squints her eyes and then kisses him. Autolycus snickers.
GABBY: Well it got you to stop didn't it?
JOXER: No, not if it means I can get another kiss.
Joxer makes a really starnge face and Gabrielle kisses him again. Autolycus tries not to laugh at the sight before him. Gabrielle stops and walks off.
AUTO: Joxer? (Climes down the tree) Go after her.
JOXER: Have you been up there the whole time?!
AUTO: I was up there before you two started.
AUTO: What are you going to do yell at me or go after blondie? (Smiles) Huh?
Joxer walks off and Autolycus chuckles, until he sees Xena ride up on Argo. Her face full of sadness.
XENA: Meg, she's...
AUTO: Meg?! (Gasps) No!
XENA: Where's Joxer? (Getting off Argo)
AUTO: With Gabrielle.
Xena hugs Auto, then they walk back to camp. Joxer has one of Gabrielle's scrolls and is playing keep away with it. Gabrielle picks up her frying pan and brains him with it. He falls in a heap, as she takes her scroll back. Xena grabs Gabrielle's arm very hard.
XENA: Don't ever do that again, Gabrielle! (Looking at Joxer) You could of killed him!
GABBY: I didn't hit him that hard and besides he asked for it. (Xena lets go of her) What's wrong with you?
XENA: Auto you tell her, I'll see to Joxer's head.
Autolycus and Gabrielle go off into the woods. Xena stays with Joxer. His eyes open and he sees the raven hair and blue eyes of his best friend.
XENA: Yes, Joxer. (Kisses his forehead) It's me.
JOXER: Where is Gabrielle?
XENA: Autolycus and her are having a talk. Joxer, I'm sorry. (Sighs) I found out some bad news.
JOXER: Xena, you know you can tell me anything?
Xena looks down, as Gabrielle walks back to Joxer.
GABBY: Joxer? (Sobs) I'm sorry. (Autolycus walks up)
AUTO: Me too.
JOXER: What?! (Scoffs) What is it that has all of yo...
AUTO: It's Meg. (Joxer jerks his head) She's...
XENA: That's who Autolycus saw killed.
JOXER: What?! (Shocked) Meg is... She's dead?
XENA: She was killed dressed as me, it's my fault. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, Joxer. (Sighs)
JOXER: No! (Running away) Noooo!
GABBY: Joxer?! (Runs after Joxer) Joxer, Come back!
AUTO: I think she's the only person in the world who can help him with this. (Hugs Xena) Xena?
XENA: It's my fault all my fault.
AUTO: No, it's not. Meg knew the risk of dressing like you. (Looks at Xena) She took that risk and lost.
XENA: I should of taken the outfit from her. Don't you see, Autolycus?!
AUTO: I see that you are beating yourself up over this.
Xena cries on Autolycus's chest, as he pats her on the back. Gabrielle finds Joxer on the edge of the lake. He turns and looks at her, she puts her arm around him.
GABBY: I'm sorry about everything. I shouldn't of hit you and... (Sighs) You know.
JOXER: I can't believe she's gone.
GABBY: You loved her, Joxer.
JOXER: That's the thing, I didn't. (Sighs) I love someone, but it wasn't her. I liked her, but that was all. (Sighs) Never mind. (Pauses) You wouldn't care anyway. It's hopeless, my whole life is too! Gab...
GABBY: Joxer, I think I understand. (Looks Joxer in the eye) It's me isn't it? (Joxer's face gives him away) You love me and not Meg, now you feel guilty.
JOXER: How did you know?
GABBY: Joxer, you know how I feel about you. (Kisses Joxer on the lips) You do, don't you?
JOXER: Um, no. (Gabrielle kisses him harder) Yeah?!
GABBY: Yeah. (Smiles) I think you and Xena need to talk too, so I'll go get her. I'll tell Auto a story.
Joxer watches his beloved Gabrielle walk off. He sits on the grass next to the water and thinks about Meg.
JOXER: Rest now, Meg. (Sobs) I'll always remember you.
Xena walks up to Joxer and sits next to him.
XENA: Gabrielle said you wanted to talk to me?
JOXER: Xena, stop feeling guilty. (Hugs Xena)
XENA: Only if you take some of that advice too.
JOXER: You're right. (Kisses Xena's hand) Meg had a hard life, but she had all of us for friends.
XENA: Yeah. (Sighs) I'm lucky too, to have a friend like you Joxer. (Backs off) Gabrielle might be my way, but you're the one who I can draw kindness and caring from. Both of you have given me so much. Her light and your humor keep me from being that monster I used to be. (Sighs) You are the sweetest guy I ever knew.
JOXER: You just don't feel pitty for me?
XENA: No, you idiot! (Scoffs) I love you too.
JOXER: Eli was right when he said love was the key.
XENA: Yeah, he was right about somethings. (Smiles)
JOXER: Come on let's go back, before Gabby gets mad at Auto. (Sighs) He can't take a blow to the head like I can. (Holds Xena's hand) Thanks friend.
The foursome sat by the camp fire as Joxer played his lute. Gabrielle leaned on his back, Autolycus and Xena kiss. The moon rises over the hillside and Meg's laughter of joy is heard in the stars.
The end.Same old thing.............
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