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Author's Pre-Story Ramblings: This is a Xena: Warrior Princess fan fiction story. We all know who all the characters are and who they belong to. There is some reference to these other characters in entertainment that I can't mention now or else it'll nullify the purpose of the story. But I don't own those characters. And we all know that I'm not intending to make a dime or a penny on this so there. I have erected my lawyer forceshield. Nyah.
Call it Coincidence
by Answer, written 27 May 1999.
Xena and Gabrielle have set up camp for the night and are doing their
usual sword-sharpening and scroll-writing activities. Gabrielle looks
up from the scroll she is consulting with a peculiar look on her face.
Xena doesn't miss a beat with her whetstone. "Yes, Gabrielle?"
"You know that new scroll we picked up in Athens? The one by Lucas?"
"Uh huh," Xena grunted noncommittally. "Wait," she said, sitting upright and narrowing her eyes. "Isn't that the really long story? The one that took up all of 10 scrolls? The one we had to pay 100 dinars for? Don't tell me you don't like it."
"Oh, I like it! It's very interesting, you know. Come over here and we can read it together," the honey-haired bard said, patting the bedroll next to her.
"Oh, alright," the warrior said. She sat down beside Gabrielle, her back against the log behind them. "C'mere," she called, opening her arms so the bard could lean back into her. "You cold?" she asked, when Gabrielle shivered slightly. The warrior took one of the blankets and wrapped the both of them in it, and nuzzled her bard's neck. "I can think of ways to get warm," she said suggestively, licking an earlobe.
"Mmm...Xena, quit it. I know you're just trying to get out of hearing what you think is going to be another boring story."
"Me?" the warrior asked innocently. "Nope. Just trying to maintain normal body temperature." She grinned. "Okay then, tell me about Lucas' tale."
Gabrielle settled more comfortably into her warrior. "It's funny, you know. I can almost see us in the story. You see, there's this young man, Luke, he's a sort of warrior. That would be you. He finds a young princess, Leia, that would be where I come in, and they fight all kinds of nasty villains in their travels. They even have this friend who doesn't really stick to the law but his heart is in the right place, let me see, his name was Han."
"Let me guess, Autolycus, right?"
"Right!" the bard said excitedly. "And that's not all. There's this big evil villain and he's feared far and wide. He's very dark. They called him Darth Vader. Ring any bells?"
"Dark, big evil villain...feared far and wide...um...Draco?"
"No, you silly." She slapped Xena's arm lightly. "Let me give you more clues. He has a lot of power, and is a very proficient warrior. He tries to lure Luke to the 'dark side'."
"You sure it's not a she? Sounds like Callisto."
"Nope, wrong again. Oh, here. How about this? He says, "Luuuke...I am your father..."
A flash of light, and a godly form materialized in front of them. "You called?" the muscle-bound god asked.
"No, we didn't," Xena growled. "Ares, get out of here! Don't you have some poor village to raze or something?"
"Aah, but it is always so much more fun to pay my favorite warrior a visit." He winked. "So Xena," he said conversationally. "Changed your mind about Leia...I mean Gabrielle yet? You know I'll always welcome you back. C'mon Xena, celebrate your dark side!"
"Did he just call me Leia?"
"Did he just say dark side?"
"Xeeena...I am your"
"Don't say it!" bard and warrior shouted at once.
"What?" the god asked, thoroughly confused. "Was it something I said?"
"Shh! If you really say that, the rest of the story might come true!" the bard said frantically.
"Rest of the story? Does it end badly or something?" Xena asked, trying to read over Gabrielle's shoulder. "I just didn't want to know un-ambiguously if he was my father or not."
"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" the god implored.
"Okay, the story goes that Luke and Darth Vader, that would be the two of you, get into a fight, and Luke gets his hand chopped off..."
"Right or left?" Xena asked quickly.
"What? Oh...right I think. Sword arm. I mean hand."
"Hades' balls! That'll make it harder for us to..." she muttered. Aloud, she said, "Oh, continue."
"Xena..." the bard said warily, before continuing. "Well, Darth gets killed protecting Luke from this more powerful emperor guy that Darth kinda works for, yadda yadda yadda, and...and...Luke and Leia find out they're siblings!" she sputtered.
"Wait, I save her? No way! I mean, I've got a soft spot for the dark chick and all, but I'm not putting my pretty toosh on the line. Not me. No way. Uh uh." The god tried to look indifferent.
Xena choked out, "Siblings?"
"Um, yeah. That's how the story goes," the bard said.
"Xena, it's okay. He didn't say it. It's not really us. Xena?"
"So, with the power of just five words, I can make you two sisters, huh?" the god looked extremely pleased.
"Ares, don't you dare. Remember that you have to die first. And this is Greece. It wouldn't matter if we were sisters," the bard stated vehemently.
"Okay, okay." The god backed off. "I know when I'm not wanted. Besides, I hear that I can check out that Darth dude's beginnings in Lucas' next scroll. I'm outta here!" In a flash of light, he was gone.
"Xena?" the bard tentatively asked.
A low voice rumbled in the bard's ear. "Even if we were sisters, huh?" The warrior licked down the bard's earlobe and kissed her neck. "Good thing I have the use of all my limbs..."
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