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Disclaimers: Xena and Gabrielle belong to MCA/Universal Television and Renaissance Pictures. Lucy Lawless, well belongs to Lucy Lawless. The Rosie O’Donnell Show belongs to Rosie O’Donnell.
Note: This is just for fun, so don’t take it serious. This was just something I thought up at work.
Special Thanks To: Lucy Lawless, for bringing to life a marvalous character in Xena. It is X:WP TV show that has inspired me to do something I never thought I would ever do. Write. So far have written several stories, and keep getting more popping in my little mind.
Send comments to BitrSuite1@aol.com, please be kind.
XENA MEETS ROSIE O’DONNELL
By BitrSuite
INTRO: A woman from the audience is standing: "It’s the Rosie O’Donnell Show, with today’s guest; XENA! WARRIOR PRINCESS!
(Applause)
Woman: "And now heeeereees.....Rosie!"
(Applause, shouting, chanting)
Rosie: Alright already, sit , sit.
(goes to desk and sits down)
Rosie: "Ok, we have a very special guest for you today: Xena, The Warrior Princess."
(Applause)
Rosie: "She will be with us right after the commercial break."
((Commercial))
Back from Commercial.
Rosie: "Ok, well she is the baddest woman on TV, she kicks butt with the best of them.
(Laughter)
Here she is!! Xena! Warrior Princess!!
(Applause)
Xena comes out, gives Rosie the LOOK as Rosie tries to give her a hug.
Rosie: (she backs off) "Oh...ahh.. sit down, why don’t cha"
Xena tries to sit in the chair, but her scabbard gets in the way, so she takes out her sword and slices through the back, cutting it off. She the sits, smiling.
Rosie: "O.....K..., So welcome to the show."
Xena: "Thanks"
Rosie: "What do think of all the attention the show is getting?"
Xena: shrugging her shoulders "Good for business I guess."
Rosie: "I’ve had Lucy on several times you know"
Xena: "Lucy who?"
Rosie: "Lucy Lawless."
Xena: "Lawless? Never heard of her."
Rosie: "She plays you in the TV show."
Xena: "Oh wait, you mean that New Zealand chick. Sheesh! She don’t even look like me!"
Rosie: "What do you mean?"
Xena: "Well, she is a lot more paler than me, and way too skinny, no muscles at all. And that accent. Please! She don’t even sound like me."
Rosie: "Oh well, she is just an actress playing a part."
Changing the subject: "So where’s your trusty sidekick, Gabrielle?"
Xena: "Huh?...ahh. She’s stuck in a lava pit with her evil, son killing, b#@%h of a daughter."
Rosie: "Oh...uh...hmmm..ok. Will she return? I mean you both seem to defy death pretty well. Let’s see, you have died twice I think, and Gabrielle has died, counting this lava pit thing, twice too."
Xena: "Actually, Gab is one up on me. She was killed when I was stuck in that freaking loop of a day."
Rosie: "Yeah...that’s right"
Xena: (winks at audience) "So I guess that means its my turn again."
(Audience laughter)
Rosie: "Is this a contest or something?"
Xena: "Well, me and Gab have this bet going. To see how many times we get killed by the end of the 4th season."
Rosie: "Oh..and what are you two betting, if you don’t mind me asking."
Xena: "No, don’t mind. If I win, Gab has to let me pick out her outfit for the 5th season."
Rosie: "Why’s that?"
Xena: (rolls eyes) "Cause that green thing has got to go."
Rosie: "And if Gabrielle wins?"
Xena: "Well....I have...to sing ...in public."
Rosie: "Speaking for myself I hope Gabrielle wins the bet, I would love to hear you sing in public."
Xena: (gives Rosie the Look again) "No you don’t."
Rosie: "But you have a wonderful voice, you sang beautifully in that musical ep."
Xena: "That wasn’t me! That was that Lucy woman. I can’t carry a tune."
Rosie: "Well it’s been nice having you on the show."
Xena: "It’s been a real pleasure."(in a NZ accent)
Rosie: "Uh...I thought you said Lucy doesn’t sound like you."
Xena: "She doesn’t."
Rosie: "But you just used a NZ accent."
Xena: "I DID NOT!!!"
(She rises, taking out sword)
Rosie: "But you did, didn’t she." (looks at audience)
Xena: "BUGGER IT! I did not." ( in NZ accent again)
(points sword toward Rosie)
Rosie: "Oh....O..K, I guess I was mistaken." (backs away)
Xena: (NZ accent really coming out) "Look mate! I don’t sound like that NZ chick, got it"
Rosie: "Sure....What ever you say. Oh well, that’s it for our show today."
(looks at audience, at same time backing off stage)
Xena: "HEY! COME BACK HERE!" (Xena runs after Rosie, waving her sword)
"YOU COWARD!!"
Credits roll as we hear: YIYIYIYYII!!!!
