Convert this page to Pilot DOC FormatConvert this page to Pilot DOC Format
Disclaimer: The following contains spoilers from "Gabrielle's Hope". And it occurs just after that episode. No copyright infrigement is intended (all characters from "Xena: Warrior Princess" ©copyright MCA/Universal), it's just for fun. "Gabrielle's Hopeless" ©copyright 1997 by JSandsmark@aol.com
GABRIELLE'S HOPELESS
BY Joanna
ext. cave, somewhere in Britain - day
Xena and Gabrielle are walking away from the cave just after the episode "Gabrielle's Hope" ends.
XENA
You really tossed her off a cliff?
GABRIELLE
Yup. All gone. Let's head back to the river. I have a four o'clock feeding to do.
XENA
Okay.
(still in her own little world)
Just tossed her off a cliff. First you kill a priestess, then you kill your kid. I like this new side of you, Gabrielle. Very forceful; very bloodthirsty. It's a good look for you.
GABRIELLE
Thanks.
They arrive at their rowboat and find a reed basket with a baby in it floating nearby. Xena pulls it in to shore.
XENA
Look what I found! It's...
(checking)
...a little girl! And she's the same age as the kid you just whacked.
GABRIELLE
What a coincidence. Can we keep her? Huh? Huh? Pretty please with baclava on top?
XENA
She must belong to someone. Let's find her parents. Wow, deja vu. Maybe King Gregor knows something about it.
Gabrielle is breast-feeding, cooing to the baby.
GABRIELLE
How's my lil pumpkin? How's my lil Hopey-wopey? Ooooh, look! You've got my nose. And your daddy's glowing red eyes!
XENA
Gabrielle? Did you hear me? I said we need to find her parents.
GABRIELLE
Yeah, I'd love to have a chat with her dad.
Xena examines the child.
XENA
Okay... we should look for a couple where one or the other has reddish blonde hair, green eyes, a button nose, cloven hoofs, fangs, a head that spins completely around and horns -- shouldn't be too hard.
They set off through the woods. They pass a whole battalion of banshees who are on their knees, bowing to the baby.
BANSHEES
Behold! 'Tis Gabrielle and her child of Dahok whom she pretended to find in a small reed boat after faking a throw down a cliff! We worship thee! Bring unto us thy ultimate evil!
GABRIELLE
(to Banshees)
Ix-nay on the ahok-Day aby-bay.
XENA
Huh. Looks like they're celebrating a religious holiday or something. It must be affecting you, because you're speaking in tongues.
GABRIELLE
It's just my accent. I'm from the southside of Poteidaia, y'know.
The baby, gurgling happily, is trying to plunge its pacifier into Gabrielle's heart.
GABRIELLE (cont'd)
(giggling)
That tickles, Hope! Don't stab Mommy.
XENA
I'm still trying to get over your having tossed the kid down a cliff. It's so not like you. But then, you would never lie about something like that. Not just to save your child.
The baby is now four years old and is strangling an elderly passerby. Gabrielle looks on fondly.
GABRIELLE
Hope, honey, don't kill the nice lady. Here, have some garlic toast.
Hope screeches, running from the garlic.
GABRIELLE (cont'd)
Oops! Mea culpa, Snakeytongue. Here's some goat's blood, instead.
Hope runs for the skin of goat's blood, dribbling it down her chin as she drinks. Xena looks on quizzically.
XENA
Kids sure grow up fast here in Britain. Coulda sworn that was just a baby.
GABRIELLE
(dangerous)
What are you saying?
XENA
Nothing. Just making an observation.
GABRIELLE
Well, it's not Hope! I threw her down the cliff. This is just a baby that was coincidently floating down the river, nothing more.
Hope goes over to Xena and pulls on her leathers then looks at her with a cherubic expression. Xena draws her sword, bloodlust in her eyes.
XENA
Spawn of evil! She must die!
GABRIELLE
Stop! What are you doing?!?
XENA
No child is that sweet looking! She cannot be human!
GABRIELLE
She's just happy because she killed a farmer's family back there!
Gabrielle points down the path to a trail of bodies. Xena sheathes her sword.
XENA
Oh. My mistake. Sorry, Gabrielle.
Hope is suddenly ten years old. They enter a village and Hope burns all the huts in her path. Xena pulls Gabrielle aside.
XENA (cont'd)
Gabrielle, I know it's going to be difficult for you to go on being the happy, cheerful little cherub you've always been now that you've murdered your first born, but I want you to know I'm here for you.
GABRIELLE
Thank you, Xena.
(spots Hope ripping the heart out of a villager then eating it)
Hope, honey! No snacks before dinner!
(to Xena)
I'll be okay. Are there any hard feelings about me throwing you to the Banshees and extolling them to rip you limb from limb?
XENA
Nah. Any qualms about me chasing you across Britannia intent on murdering your daughter?
GABRIELLE
Not a one. These things happen.
Xena and Gabrielle hug long enough for many screen captures to be taken.
XENA
Good. Looks like we can survive anything. Well, anything except a lie. I mean, if you ever lied to me, well, that'd be it, y'know?
GABRIELLE
(guilty)
Yeah... um... about that kid we found...
XENA
Let's forget about her for just a moment. I'm hungry. Let's go out for Chinese.
GABRIELLE
You want to just forget about the kid while we go running off to China?
XENA
Why not? She'll be here when we get back, and then we can just take up where we left off.
GABRIELLE
It'll take us a couple weeks to get halfway across the world and back, but okee doke! Sounds good to me.
(to Hope)
Be a good girl until Mommy gets back, okay?
Hope holds up a severed arm in the 'thumbs up' position. Gabrielle smiles and waves then heads east with Xena.
XENA
Can't wait to eat some of those little dumpling things again.
GABRIELLE
Dim sum?
XENA
Yeah... Oh, this'll be fun. After all, what can happen to us in China?
As they head east we:
FADE OUT.
the end
