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by Samantha and helped out by Michelle SamandSherry@bytheshore.com (Samantha Uber)
DISCLAIMER: I really do like the people on this page. {Except Hanson} For the stories purposes and to fit as many people as we could in, we just had to make fun of some. This story is rated PG. Contains no bad language. Note: I didn't make up any of these people, and I'm not taking the credit for it. They all belong to someone or to themselves.
It all began......
One day Xena, Hanson, Buffy, and Willow were talking in Giles' chakram Library about their day when Gabby and Joxer burst in screaming " Five monsters came and they started to screech and kick at us" Gabby said. "Yeah , Joxer followed "They had really long claws, too." Buffy jumped up with stake in hand "Are they vampires?" she asked. "No, No," Gabby said. "Far Worse. They were the Spice Girls."
Xena calmly said, " I could hit their neck with my chackram and knock them down for a while , then use the pressure points to extract information out of them , like why are they torturing the earth". "No, won't work," said Giles, appearing out of a book. "The molecules of mass form and structure in their genetic makeup won't contort their hair to reach the base of the desired strike." " In English, Giles." says Buffy who was staring at him with everyone else in a stupefied look. " All right. That chackram won't cut through the amount of hair spray on their hair to get to their neck and will ricocheting off of it and back to you." This time, even Xena looked surprised. The Hanson brothers then decided to offer a suggestion. "How about we start singing "Mmbopp" and they will come to us, just like every girl in the world. They all love Hanson." "What's a mmbopp and who are Hanson?" Willow asked. Hanson looked shocked. "Ditch that idea," Gabby said. "Well do you have a better idea?" they countered. "Yes, actually I do. I could pretend I'm one of them and dress up like one and them Xena could come in capture them." "Do you have any idea how many times we did that?" Xena said. "It gets boring." " Well, do you really want them to sing? Gabby remarked" "Got a point," Xena agreed.
They sat and talked about what they could do when all of a sudden Xander, Scully, and Mulder ran in, all saying the same thing: Star Trek's Voyager blew up sending odd , deadly aliens at the Earth. "Hey can I keep one for a pet?" asked Joxer. He got a few strange looks and then Buffy said " Sure Joxer. Make sure that you let know one near it because it might die. Why don't you go in a tiger cave with it and it will really be safe." "Oh, good idea." Everyone cracked up, but Joxer never figured it out. Xander then said, not joking , " That does sound like a good idea."
While discussing the current problem, Angel runs in and is screaming "It's after me , it's after me." " What , the alien?" asked Buffy. "I don't know , It must be an alien." angel said "Oh, goody, it came to play with me." says Joxer. "I can give you a good home in a tiger cave just like my friends said." Calisto comes flipping in, saying in a baby doll voice, " Annnggel, come here my little pet." Angel looks to Buffy, screams and jumps behind her chair. Buffy looks at Angel. "Who is she and what did you do to make her chase you?" "I don't know", Angel said, "I thought she was a vampire and tried to kill her but found out the hard way she isn't. Giles in a stupor looks curiously at Angel, and then stuffs his head back in a book. Buffy then says, " What way would that be?" "I'll tell you later" and then groans. Buffy looks at Angel , then Calisto wiping blood off her sword, and then says "Ouch".
Meanwhile, Scully and Mulder are setting up a laser device that will kill Calisto because they still think she is a alien while Joxer is screaming "Don't kill my pet!". He takes out his sword and charges at them, in the the process getting hit with a few lasers but it wasn't effective because you need a brain to get it taken away. Calisto saw the laser coming at her and reflects it at Mulder and Scully and they blow up. Calisto then says " Yucky, but cool. I could get us to this techno age." Meanwhile, Buffy and Angel were getting close but then a chackram comes flying at their head. "Break it up you two." Xena orders. The faster we get this case over with, the faster you can get close without a chackram flying at your heads. Buffy jumps with excitement and says, "Come on , lets get working." Xander then says to Willow , I'm not sure which one she is more excited about, work or Angel .
Xena says to Calisto, "I went 200,000 years into the future to get away from you and you still find me." " Well, I am a Goddess, you know." "Yeah, one that spent half her life stuck underground in a lava pit with Valasca." Xena smirked. "Oh no, not with just Valasca, my pretty, but with Drusilla, too. Oh, and Angel, I am a vampire, Drusilla's best friend, and also a immortal goddess. That's why when you saw my vampire face you thought I was a vampire, but when that stake through my heart didn't make me die you changed your mind. Feeling lucky?" Angel then runs screaming out the window, only to be met by Drusilla. "Hi Daddy." she says. Angel then runs back into the room and by accident hides behind Calisto, screams , and runs behind Buffy. All of a sudden the door gets kicked down and Mitch from Baywatch runs in with a flotation device yelling "Did someone scream for help" and dives into the floor. Everyone is shocked into silence and Giles finally takes his head out of his book but then stuffs it back in within a second. Xander breaks the silence by saying "Is it me because I don't see any water here and he just supposedly dove in it." Gabby then says " Hey let's call the ER." Just then George Clooney runs in with a stretcher speed talking to 6 girls who are writing it down. George is saying " Attempted suicide with bad effect broken ceberus and cracked skull keep him steady neck brace now with intravenous. X- ray needed. Hurry Hurry!" One girl grabbed Joxer, and started asking him important questions about exactly what happened. Obviously, this was the wrong person to ask. They ran out of the room with Mitch to somewhere, hopefully the hospital. While all this is happening, Buffy and Angel slink off and start smooching. An arrow comes flying at Angel's head, but he ducks in time. "Oops," says Xander as he lowers the crossbow. Buffy just glares at him. Xena walks over to Xander saying " You'd need a thousand arrows to keep them apart." he responds by saying "Your telling me?! Look!" They were back at it again. Xena just groaned and walked away but then did a double take as she saw Willow and Joxer doing the same thing. Gabby sat down next to Giles, and what the heck, starts kissing him too. The whole time Drusilla and Calisto were talking and making a list of all the people they killed and telling stories about each which will keep them occupied for while.
That left Xena and Xander sitting there. Xena jumped up and screamed "Enough! Giles, lets analyze the situation. Go and tell us the problem." "Well, first, how about I make a short synopsis about what has happened so far:
"Xena, Hanson, Buffy, and Willow were talking when Gabby and Joxer came in telling us about the Spice Girls. After that, Xander, Scully, and Mulder ran in, all saying the same thing: Star Trek 's Voyager blew up sending odd , deadly aliens at the Earth. Then Angel runs in screaming "It's after me, It's after me!" Calisto comes flipping in, saying in a baby doll voice, " Annnggel, come here my little pet." Angel looks to Buffy, screams and jumps behind her chair. Then Scully and Mulder set up a laser device to kill Calisto because they think she is a alien and blow themselves up in the process. Calisto then explains she is a best friend of Drusilla and a vampire-goddess and Angel screams and jumps out the window only to be met by her and she says "Hi Daddy." Then all of a sudden the door gets kicked down and Mitch from Baywatch runs in with a flotation device yelling "Did someone scream for help" and dives into the floor which was rather odd. Gabby then says we should have the ER crew to help him and George Clooney and company run in and put him on a stretcher and run out. Xander then shoots a arrow at Angel's head and everyone starts kissing. And that's where we are now.
"So where are the Hansons now ?" Gabby asks. Just then they came strolling in . "We took a walk", they said. "Did we miss anything?" Everyone groaned. " We have to stop psycho one and two over there" Xena said, pointing to Calisto and Drusilla, "and also stop deadly aliens and the Spice Girls!?" "Unfortunately, yes." said Giles, stuttering. "Hey Gabby", said Xena, "Go call your Amazon friends and tell them we need them, Buffy, go dress up like a Spice Girl, Hansons, go get ready to sing, Giles, I want you to find out every little thing about aliens, especially how to kill them, Xander, I want you to get Sigourney Weaver and Winona Rider, Willow, you do the same thing as Giles except on the net, Angel, get a plane and plenty of mirrors, and I'll get a net and weapons. "What do I do?" asked Joxer. "Oh, Joxer," said Xena, "go play with your pet." "Oh, goody!" he shouted and ran away.
Calisto and Drusilla were still writing their list of people they killed in the corner and didn't hear what Xena had said. " This better work," Xena thought, or we're dead."
When everyone was ready, Xena told Buffy to go to the Spice Girls and say you want to be one of them and that they could have a concert tonight at 6:00 at the Bronze. She left to that. She told Angel to quietly park the plane with the mirrors in it by the Bronze. He left to do that. She then explained to Sigourney Weaver and Winona Rider what had happened and that they had to trap the Aliens, she doesn't care how. And that she wants them back at the plane alive. They went off to do that. She then told the Hansons to hide backstage in the Bronze and at 6:00 start to sing as loud as they could. They went off . She then told the Amazons that when the Hansons start to sing, they run into the Bronze and grab the Spice Girls, but make sure not Buffy. They were to wait by Angel. She then asked Giles and Willow if aliens can be killed by fire. They said yes. Xena went to the Bronze with the net and hid backstage.
They had 15 minutes till show time. They clock turned to six . The Spice Girls and Buffy were getting ready backstage when Hanson started to sing. The Amazons ran in with Gabrielle, capturing the Spice Girls and Xena rapped them up in the net and put them in the plane. Sigourney and Winona had the aliens in the plane already, and everyone went in the plane. They went back to Giles' library and picked him and Willow up, along with Calisto and Drusilla. Xena threw Calisto into the box of mirrors that she had on the plane so she couldn't use her godly powers. She tied Drusilla to the seat. Buffy staked Drusilla but she didn't die because Calisto made her a god. Xena then took her into the mirror box with Calisto and barely escaped a fireball. She told Angel to fly to a Hawaiian Volcano. Within a hour they were there. They threw Calisto, Drusilla, Spice Girls, and they neatly wrapped {thanks to Sigourney} aliens into the volcano. Joxer saw his pet leave him and he jumped in the volcano after it screaming, "Don't leave me my pet!" The remaining people flew home and thanked everyone for their help. The Amazons liked the Hansons and the Hansons went home with them and eventually became Amazons themselves. Angel and Buffy threw a party in the Library and everything went well. All of the people went home to their own shows and life went on.
Until the Next adventure,
The End
