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by Heparin
Heparin@eor.com
XWWS, or Xena Weekday Withdrawl Syndrome, was first identified and described on XenaList on January 6, 1996 by a sufferer named Gambit. His words: "I get to Tuesday and it starts. Wednesday, it grows. By Thursday, it's worse. And now it's Friday night and I'm in my fourth stage."
Illness appears progressive, feverlike. Undulating, cyclical qualities.
Symptoms include: bringing Xena into every conversation, acute restlessness, computer overuse syndrome, web page building, calling every comics store within a hundred mile radius in search of magazines, posters and dolls, (I mean action figures!), preoccupation with Thracian music and, in extreme phases, requesting of head lopping by Ninjas (see case study Athena/1).
Sufferers have described something they call "the look" given to them by friends, family and passersby in response to the behaviors described above. A measurement team has been dispatched in order to quantify and track these "looks."
A hot tip about its contageon lead, for once, to immediate attention from the National Science Foundation, who immediately dispatched an investigative team. When no reports were forthcoming, it was found that the intial investigators had succumbed to the syndrome. Strict precautions were taken to avoid the infection of the second team, whose report follows:
Interim Report on NSF study on XWWS...(#1)
Submitted hypothesis re:worsening of syndrome in late December and perhaps in summer. Control (No Xena) group and experimental (Xena) groups assembled, but control group mutiny during experimental group's Xena screening resulted in everyone receiving the experimental treatment and having a really good time. Security videocamera tapings show scientists and security running from the building, followed, shortly thereafter, by tall, dark-haired woman and her blonde female companion.
Interim report on NSF study on XWWS...(#2)
The remaining, uninfected members of the scientific team regrouped and explored the hypothesis that support groups may alleviate XWWS. Then found out, that's how it spreads!!!
Interim report on NSF study on XWWS...(#3)
Entirely new team of scientists formed from area that does not receive television.
Interim report on NSF study on XWWS...(#4)
National conference called in cyberspace by coalition group of renegated scientists, the infected and ancient healers, who propose participant observation of the phenomenon. Swordplay ensues, and, under threat of bringing in a certain "Problem Solver," NSF capitulates. More reports to follow.
Respectfully submitted by Dr. Heparin
XWWS Interim Report #5
XWWS Foundation Rebuilding! Groundbreaking Ceremony Soon!
(XWWS reports delayed due to events previously posted)
Mass defection and wanton destruction of property have led to a period of extreme disorganization at the XWWS foundation. Facilities sustained considerable damage in an unsuccessful takeover attempt, which left assorted fire debris, broken crockery, horse droppings and bows and arrows (?) Cleanup attempts were delayed by stick carrying blonde wanderer claiming to be a bard. Hereafter, the behavior of talking, talking, talking about Xena, Warrior Princess, will be officially known as "the Gabby sign." note: Scientists remain concerned over the disappearance of our XWWS patient zero, Gambit. His current whereabouts are unknown.
XWWS Interim Report #6- Scientific Breakthrough!
Diehards from the original group of scientists demonstrated considerable originality in their newest theory of XWWS propagation: genetic origins of susceptibility to XWWS! Sal Moneus of Mooing Tomatoes Biotech has committed considerable resources toward inventing, (I mean, discovering), what has tentatively been named the "Xenagene." Hopes are high that such a discovery will promote opportunities for earliest detection, prompt treatment and lucerative investment opportunities.
XWWS Interim Report #7- Scientific Setbacks!
Repeated warnings of the results of past attempts to use control groups in XWWS research go unheaded. Large group of women described as "uppity" seen leaving the smoking ruin of MT biotech. Other suspicious characters in the area noted engaging in such activities as: 1) distribution of ftp sites, web sites and IRC information; 2)charting of the military strategies used in the MT takeover; 3) sudden appearance of BBQ stands in the area. MT Biotech executives last seen running for their miserable lives,although one was heard to ask: "did he say, h/horseman?"
XWWS Interim Report #8- News Flash!
XWWS foundation devastated by news of 2 year renewal of Xena, Warrior Princess, which of course greatly expands the infectious possibilities. Emergency conference called in luxury hotel of city with many opportunities for sightseeing and money laundering. Scandal ensues when key scientist is spotted leaving loud party, gaida music playing in the background. Her current whereabouts are unknown, though some report that she left with someone who looked like Bobby Darren. This report was impossible to confirm at presstime.
Special feature: a report from the field!
Tracking team investigating distribution patterns of "the look" (you know the one) were startled recently to find a "look reciprocation" instruction on the netforum. Not knowing which looks to track, the team initiated development of the "look differentiation" scale, with corresponding emotigrams. No reports are expected until field testing of all the funny faces is complete.
XWWS Interim Report #9-Division Reports
~Pediatric Division Formed! XWWS victims now reported in the 3-5 year old range. Please note that Xena List members from the age of 11 show very advanced symptoms of chatroom organization and list posting and are NOT to be considered in the Pediatric Division!!
~Project Symptom Watch reports an increase of Top Ten list building behavior and also a worrisome increase in untoward interest in large, sharp objects. Study group forming and reports are hereby requested.
~Project Xena Watch, the ancients and scientists' coalition, reports an increase in polling behaviors. Early results indicate considerable ethnic diversity both among and within individual sufferers of XWWS. "That's a good thing," noted one sufferer, known to exhibit the "Gabby sign."
~Project XWWS Watch has announced a particularly grave development, the identification of the "openmindedness sign," which is characterized by willingness to work for understanding across differences of all kinds. Manifested by ongoing conversations and direct action, this sign may contribute to erosion of systems of oppression, if left unchecked. Making matters worse is the presence of the "LL factor." Tolerance for ambiguity and positive mentions of feminism lead to extremely low morale at the XWWS institute, whose scientists have toiled for many long years toward proving the irrationality and inconvenience of equality and social justice for all women and all men. Baiting attempts seem particularly unsuccessful at neutralizing the LL factor!
These reports respectfully submitted by Dr. Heparin, who in fact is not a real doctor, but really does have a master's degree in you guessed it!
Greetings from what is left of the once proud XWWS Foundation! Due to Congressional Budget cuts and other setbacks (see report) the foundation's activities have been sporadic and limited. Aw heck, the place is a wreck and we're at our wit's end. Reports from our sister foundation in Canada, indicates that the situation is similarly grim in places north. Despite our best efforts, the problem seems to be growing, spreading into an even wider demographic. It is all we can do to track the cases. Deep within our ruined building, past the broken flasks and demolished electroencephalographs, a few weary scientitsts can be found, hard at work, late into the night.
While no cure is in sight, the symptomatology seems to be shifting, and it this to which we turn our attention...
XWWS Interim Report#10 The Xenagene
Product, I mean, hypothesis testing activities at Lowing Tomatoes Biotech continue in the search for the Xenagene. Sal Moneus, director of the institute, was recently indicted for allegedly offering bribes in the form of institutional BBQ and hat concessions in what has come to be known as the Wet Sandal Conspiracy.
XWWS Interim Report#11 New Discoveries!
Large numbers of Xenites, as the sufferers have come to be known, seem to be afflicted with a strange new malady. Sufferers, some exhibiting the Gabby sign to an amazing degree, have vivid travel delusions, hallucinating whole journeys by plane, car and boat. While this is currently thought to be quite harmless, past experience mandates that the afflicted be approached with extreme caution. Under no circumstances should access to motorized vehicles or alcoholic beverages be permitted. A special study section is being developed and the proposed quarantine instituted.
XWWS Interim Report#12 Symptom Watch
Early reports of the Openmindedness Sign now seem a bit premature. What is left of the scientific team that discovered this sign remain optimistic and report that while its existence is rarer than once thought, it is still a significant factor in the XWWS epidemic. Stay tuned for further reports. LL factor appears to be operating at full force, its effects unpredictable.
Top Ten List building has burgeoned, however, into a major industry, resulting in removal of one of the production sites to a more hospitable location. Scientists of the top ten team were put out at having to move from their luxurious Amphipolan setting, especially when the Top Ten List builders spotted them in Potedaiea and sicced the village Pain-in-the-Neck man on them. Top Ten List building has been temporarily interrupted while scientists join search parties scowering the adjacent countryside for a certain Gabby one's parents. It is feared that this is a particularly grave development, considering the extreme contageon of XWWS, but the head scientist has said, "anything to get away from that guy in the orange turban!!"
Gaida building, once thought a potential hazard to music lovers everywhere, seems to be a symptom limited to only a few sufferers, though they seem to have many vocal and most unhappy neighbors.
XWWS Interim Report#13 New Discovery
A symposium on Photomania was recently conducted under heavy guard at the XWWS Foundation. Great care has been taken to avoid making available more than a few pictures to the public, for fear of greatly exacerbating the spread and symptoms of XWWS, especially among certain target demographic groups (and you know who you are!!) Too late, scientists discovered that photos have been distributed over a complex electronic communication web, as Xenites crashing the symposium in search of photos cried, "hey, I got these from logomanc and they're a lot clearer." Much mahem resulted, predictably, as the heavily armed attending scientists turned on the presenters. Mysterious warrior woman at that point threw off her business suit, back flipped up to the podium and negotiated a surrender. Xenabilia indexing team reports a sharp increase of Xena print media sightings subsequently.
XWWS Interim Report #14 Gabby Sign Rises to New Heights
The previous XWWS Foundation Report detailed the discovery of the Gabby sign, but no one could predict the degree to which even the previously mildly afflicted might show it. A new symptom, was named within the population of symptom bearers as irc, a puzzling, obviously encoded acronym with possible roots in ancient Thracian language. Though resources remain distressingly sparse, a team of code breakers was immediately dispatched to the site. After puzzling through downloads and massive zipping and unzipping, scientists acquainted themselves with such phenomena as the mysterious "pinging" and some kind of separation of woven material commonly used for fishing. After extensive contemplation of " troll" activity. One was heard to ask, "Wasn't that some sort of fetish with brightly colored hair?" Donning the requesite white belted belbottoms, he has departed for the official archive of 70's fads. Another, a transferee from a competing foundation, unlocked the meaning of "ops." He has told us that this is where Data sits. What kind of Data remains obscure. There appears to be some sort of commercial activity, as participants are often speaking about having "bought." And then there is the matter of the mysterious Mr. X and his log. Obviously there is much to be done in this section. A small number of severely afflicted sufferers seem to be spending increasingly large amounts of time here, however. Resources allocated are expected to increase.
Respectfully submitted by Dr. Heparin
