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by Ms Mil Toro
GABRIELLE RETURNS TO POTEDEIA FOR THE SPRING FESTIVAL. SHE BRINGS XENA ALONG WITH HER TO REINTRODUCE HER TO THE FAMILY.
GABRIELLE - Hi Mother, we're here!
MOTHER BARD (standing at the front door, spots Xena getting off her horse,
makes a frown)
- Hi Daughter (hugs Gabrielle and whispers in her ear)
- Does she always have to follow you everywhere you go?
GABRIELLE (looks back at Xena, laughs) - Uh, yes!
XENA HEARS EVERYTHING AND RAISES AN EYEBROW, THEN STARTS TO WALK AWAY. - I'll take Argo to the stable
MOTHER BARD - (sort of smiles) Dinner's ready, let's go inside.
EVERYONE IS SEATED AROUND THE DINNER TABLE, LILA, LILA'S HUSBAND CASPIUS, AND THEIR TWO KIDS, GABRIELLE, MOTHER BARD, FATHER BARD AND FAMILY FRIEND BARELUS. XENA RETURNS FROM THE BARN.
LILA - So when are you going to settle down Gabby?
GABRIELLE - I'm already settled with Xena (she turns to Xena who is now sitting next to her, their shoulders are touching)
BARELUS (sitting on the other side of Gabrielle) - But don't you think it's unsafe for two ladies to be out on the road all alone?
XENA POURS HERSELF A MUG OF MEAD AND BEGINS EATING.
GABRIELLE - No, Xena can handle anybody that messes with us (she makes goo goo eyes at Xena, Xena smiles back)
MOTHER BARD - Well, what about children, don't you want to raise a family?
GABRIELLE - Xena already has a son, we don't need any more kids, right Xena?
XENA TAKES A HUGE SWALLOW FROM HER MUG.
BARELUS - Don't worry, Gabby, you'll meet the right man someday. (He elbows her side and winks). Maybe you already have. Do you want to go with me to the Festival Dance tomorrow night?
XENA PUTS HER ARM AROUND GABRIELLE'S SHOULDER AND EXTENDS HER FINGERS TO BARELUS' NECK. HE LETS OUT A YELP.
XENA - She's not going to the Dance with anyone but me, you got that?
GABRIELLE - (giggling) Xena, be nice.
BARELUS - (choking) Sorry....I was only......having fun.....Gabby........cute HIS FACE BEGINS TO TURN RED THEN PURPLE.
XENA RELEASES HIM AND GOES BACK TO DRINKING HER MEAD.
BARELUS SLUMPS OVER GASPING FOR AIR AND RUBBING HIS NECK.
LILA - Mother, so where is Gabby going to sleep tonight? She can sleep with me and the kids and Caspius can sleep out here in the living room. Xena can sleep in the barn.
CASPIUS - I have to sleep on the couch again?
FATHER BARD - Xena, how about later after dinner, you show me that new weapon of yours. That round killing thing.
XENA - Sure.
GABRIELLE - No no, Lila, Xena and I will sleep out in the barn. We don't mind, we do it all the time, right Xena?
XENA RAISES AN EYEBROW AND GOES BACK TO EATING HER FOOD.
MOTHER BARD - Gabby, not in front of the kids!
THE KIDS LOOK AT EACH OTHER WONDERING IF THEY MISSED SOMETHING THEN START LAUGHING.
THE KIDS (sing in unison) - "Gabby and Xena sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G"
LILA AND GABRIELLE FINISH CLEANING UP AFTER DINNER. XENA AND FATHER BARD ARE OUTSIDE PLAYING CHAKRAM TOSS.
LILA - Gabby, you know Xena is a very pretty girl. Why does she wear all that leather and armour?
GABRIELLE - (dreamily) I like all that leather and armour. Maybe she should try some chainmail. Hey, I think I'd like that!
LILA - That armour makes her shoulders look so.......square. Maybe if she tried wearing a dress, she'd find a man.
GABRIELLE - Hmm, I like her shoulders square. (dreaming about her shoulders, her arms, those LEGS)
LILA - How long are you going to stay?
GABRIELLE - Huh?
LILA - I said, how long are you going to stay?
GABRIELLE - Oh maybe a week. Then Xena and I have to go foil some more despots. We can't take too long a vacation, you know.
LILA - Gabby, why don't you stay here and let Xena go ahead.
GABRIELLE - (laughs) You are so cute when you don't get it.
SHE GOES OUTSIDE TO FIND XENA.
XENA AND GABRIELLE ARE CURLED UP IN A CORNER OF THE BARN. XENA'S MUSCULAR ARMS WRAP AROUND THE SMALLER BARD.
GABRIELLE - My family can be so dense at times. You know Lila was trying to fix me up with that farm boy, Barelus.
XENA AND GABRIELLE IN UNISON - Been there, done that!!!
XENA - I know. My family's the same way. But at least Toris got it. I wonder if he said anything to Mother?
GABRIELLE - If he did, she probably didn't get it.
THEY BOTH LAUGH AND THEIR BODIES CLING TOGETHER IN A PASSIONATE KISS.
THE KIDS PEEK OUT FROM THEIR HIDING PLACE IN THE BARN AND SING -
- Xena and Gabby sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
- First comes love, then comes fu-----
XENA AND GABRIELLE - Hey!!!
THE KIDS RUN OUT OF THE BARN GIGGLING.
GABRIELLE - At least they get it.
XENA - Out of the mouths of babes.
GABRIELLE - Yeah, come here Babe.
GABRIELLE ROLLS ON TOP OF XENA FOR A PASSIONATE KISS.
(This skit was inspired by A Day In The Life and a line from an old Holly Near song, "A gentleman asks, are you ladies alone? They smile and say, no, we're together")
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