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Xena and Gabrielle stride toward an operating room in their green scrubs...
Gab: So, what are we doing today?
Xena: A routine cardio
Gab: Aphrodite break another heart?
Xena: Apparently so
Gab: Hey Xena, tell me again why we need to wear these green clothes
Xena: Some rule about "cleanliness" - who knows - just be glad we get to wear something else for a change!
They enter the room where a man lies on the table. Salmonius and Argo look on...
Sal: Xena - It's about time! (Takes Xena aside) With your permission, I could sell tickets to this...you know how people love to see blood
Xena: The only blood they're gonna see is yours if you don't get outta here!
Sal: Fine, I'm leaving...you know, you might want to practice your bedside manner a little more
Xena: (Walking over to the patient) Hello, my name is Xena and I'll be your surgeon today
Patient: Xena...the warrior princess...you're a doctor too?
Xena: I have many skills
Gab: (Comes over to the patient) Xena here once saved the great Hippocrates himself
Patient: (Looking at Xena) Who is this girl?
Xena: This is Gabrielle, your anesthesiologist
Gab: Hi there!
Xena: She'll be telling you some...stories... to induce an unconscious state
Patient: But Xena, how do YOU stay awake?
Xena: By the gods, I have yet to figure that out
Xena: Now, while she recites the tale of the Titans, I will ask you to count backwards
Patient: X...IX....VIII.....VII......VI........V........IV...........III............... .
Xena: OK, he's out, let's do it! - YIYIYIYIYIEEEE
Gab: Quiet, Xena
Xena: Oh yeah...yiyiyiyiyieeee
Gab: We'll probably have to operate on his ears next
Xena: Give me the thoracic cutter
Xena: Just hand me the chackrum
Xena: Now, I have two fingers on his aorta
Salmonius bursts in...
Sal: Xena! I just thought of a great new idea...it's called an "HMO"
Xena: Argo, get him outta here
Argo kicks Salmonius out the door
Sal: (Voice trailing off) Just think about it, would you?
Gab: Hmm, I wonder what an "HMO" is?
Xena: Probably some evil plan of Ares, now clamp it!
Gab: Gosh Xena, I just asked a question, you don't have to be so mean!
Xena: Clamp the artery, Gabrielle
Gab: Heh, I knew that
Xena: Fire of Hephaestus
Gab: Fire of Hephaestus
Xena: Golden Fleece
Gab: Golden Fleece
Xena: Wine of Dionysus
Gab: Wine of Dionysus...What's that for?
Xena: OK, I think we're just about done, suction!
Gab: But Xena, you haven't even given me a ring yet
Xena: Gabrielle - The patient!
Gab: I don't even KNOW him
Xena: (Sighs) Argo, please assist
Gab: Nevermind Argo, I'll get it (Shakes her head) the things I do for you Xena!
Xena: There, all done, now hand me a suture
Gab: Wow Xena, you stitch so well!
Xena: I used to embroider
Gab: That would explain the farm animals over his nipple
Xena: Success! - Now, let's wake him up
Gab: I'll get my panflute
Salmonius bursts in again
Sal: Xena! - You're needed in the burn unit, some crazy blonde woman is just dying to see you