Xena Limericks




There once was a goldminer near Perth,


Who endeavored to increase her net-worth;


She plucked her eyebrows,


To run with the highbrows,


Then proceeded to conquer the earth.











There once was a girl good with swords,


Each swing bringing new awards;


Though she flirted with women,


She shared Hercules' linen,


Producing her own show as reward.











If Callisto and Xena should meet


In a bar on some dusty street,


Would they talk of old times


Over a bottle of wine,


Or just cut up each other like meat.











I must say I'm partial to blondes,


Though Xena does possess certain charms;


Between Callisto and her,


I'd choose the third,


'Cause Gabrielle would do me less harm.











There once was an actress named Heidi,


Who thought her name kind of flighty;


She changed it to Hudson,


Her career became fun then,


And she could appear without wearing a nightie.











There once was a girl named Callisto,


Who was a certified warrior psycho;


She said love was a trick,


But the girl with a stick


Would love to smash in her pie-hole.











Some say Xena is too butch and hunky,


And it's true she does walk kinda funny;


But it has nothing to do with


Sexual preference, I'm sure it's


Because she wears leather undies.











When the Fates granted Xena her wish,


She certainly became quiet a dish;


Cute as a bug,


As she pulled out the rug,


But Matthias couldn't give her a kiss.











In Callisto's body, did Xena observe


The shape of her new and beautiful curves?


If it had been me,


With such wonders to see,


I would think it a blessing, not a curse.











There once was a leather-clad princess,


Imbued with a quantity of defenses;


She loved Gabrielle,


Though no one could tell


If it was Platonic, or more intensive.





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written by Tim Wellman


           kg8rj@ianet.net
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