Convert this page to Pilot DOC FormatDISCLAIMER: This song parody is based on "A Visit from Santa" by Clement C. Moore and the television series "Xena: Warrior Princess." Copyright to Xena: Warrior Princess and all characters and stories in that series is held by MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended by this fannish endeavor. The song parody itself is copyrighted to James Fadden
A VISIT FROM XENA (The New Season)
By: James Fadden
'Twas the night before Xena, and all the through the 'verse
Not a creature was stirring, for better or worse;
The chakrams were hung by the TV with care,
In hopes that the Warrior soon would be there;
The Xenites were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Xena-Plums danced in their heads;
And I, full of nutbread and eggnog on tap,
Had just settled my brain for a pre-season nap,--
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew with a wooosh
But I tripped on a dolly and fell on my tush.
So I crawled to the window and saw the moon's light
Give a lustre of midday to objects in sight,
Allowing my wandering eyes to discover
A Warrior Princess's significant other,
With another one taller and looking much meaner
I knew in a moment it must be our Xener.
More rapid than eagles on horseback they came,
And she whistled and shouted and called it by name,
"Now Argo! Go Argo!" said the Warrior hard,
"Whoa Argo! Slow Argo!" said the horse-sick young bard.
So up to the housetop the valiant steed flew,
With the Warrior Princess--and Gabrielle too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each massive hoof.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Down the chimnney came Xena in one single bound.
She was dressed all in leather from her head to her toe,
So burnished and polished it gave off a glow;
The sack that she carried was marked MCA,
Twas a new season's episodes, starting today!
Her eyes were so blue, a magnificent sight,
And her hair was as dark as the blackness of night.
Her sensuous mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the her teeth were as white as the new-fallen snow.
At her hip was a circle of holly, a wreath?
But under the leaves 'twas a chakram beneath.
She had marvelous thighs, and her breasts--oh, whoa Nellie!
They shook when she laughed like two bowls full of jelly!
I sighed when I saw her, in spite of myself,
And I feared that she might have my head on a shelf.
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word but went straight to work,
And filled all the time-slots, then turned with a jerk,
And laying a finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose.
With Gab at back, she gave Argo a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle;
But I heard her exclaim, ere she rode out of sight,
"Happy New Season to all, and to all a good night!"
copyright 1996 James S. P. Fadden
With acknowlegement to Clement C. Moore, author of "A Visit From St.