Convert this page to Pilot DOC Format

To the tune of Don McClean's "American Pie"...

Amphipolis Pie


By James Fadden

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew with half a chance
That Xena could make the whole world dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while.

But February made me shiver
With every episode delivered
Bad news on the TV
I couldn't take it easy

I can't remember if I cried
When Gabby was a widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day that Xena died

So
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Did Gabrielle write the Book of Love
And does she have faith in Xena's love
If the subtext tells her so
Do you believe in the Xena scrolls
Can Gab save Xena's mortal soul
And will she teach her how to kiss real slow

Well, I know that you love Gabby best
'Cause I saw you kiss her in The Quest
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those subtext clues

I was a hardcore nutball Xenite fan
With a homemade chakram from an old pie pan
But I knew I could barely stand
The day that Xena died

I started singin'
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When Joxer sang for the Bacchic King
On a lyre that Orpheus helped him string
And a voice that cracked on middle C

Oh, and while the Queen was looking lost
Autolycus stole her piney box
The funeral was adjourned
No Xena was interred
And while Homer read the scrolls of Gab
LoDuca practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day that Xena died

We were singing
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Minya, Howar, hottub and a shower
We all quaked at the giant's power
Eight miles high and coming fast
It landed sizzling with a crash
Then Zagreus came talking warlord trash
Until Minya swung and knocked him on his ass

Now the Grecian air was sweet perfume
While the Sirens sang a fetching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause Velasca tried to take the field
The Amazons refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day that Xena died

We started singing
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation Lost in Cyberspace
With no time left to start again
So come on, Callie be nimble, Callie be quick
Callisto sat on a candlestick
'Cause fire is the Devil's only friend

Oh, and as I watched her on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in hell
Could break that Ares' spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrifical rite
I saw Ares laughing with delight
The day that Xena died

He was singing
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

I met a bard who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went to turn on my VCR
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the LED said the music wouldn't play

And in the village the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The chakrams all were broken
And the three women I admire most
Xena, Gab and M'lilla's ghost
They caught the caravan for the coast
The day that Xena died

And they were singing
{Refrain}
Bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

They were singing bye-bye, Miss Amphipolis Pie
Drove my chariot to the river
But the river was dry
There were Ten Little Warlords drinking whiskey and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die

James Fadden aka Ritanserin