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Frying Pans: If Dr. Seuss wrote for Xena: Warrior Princess...


By Lynne A. Slivovsky (ForeverLulu)
lynnes@ecn.purdue.edu
Lynne A. Slivovsky 1997



LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Xena, Gabrielle, Callisto, Joxer and Argo are copyright MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. Absolutely no copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this epic poem, although ideas were borrowed and slightly altered from Callisto, Return of Callisto and A Day In The Life. And, of course, no infringement was intended to my beloved chilhood memory of Dr. Seuss. The rest is copyright 1997 by Lynne A. Slivovsky. Copies may be made but must include all copyright notices and disclaimers. Enough now, let's get on to it...


Xena:

Warlord, scoundrel I am no more
Since you came knocking on my door
Gabrielle:



At home I'll stay, no more, no more!
I'm glad I came knocking on your door
Adventure, danger, please for me!
As long as I don't scrape my knee.
Xena:

Worry not about your knee, your knee,
You're safe as long as you're with me.
Joxer:

Xena, Xena! Come quick, come quick!
A village, in trouble from this Callisto chick!
Xena:


Argo will get us there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
Gabrielle:
But can the villagers there survive?
Xena:

They shouldn't, couldn't, mustn't die.
Yaaaaaa! Yaaaaaa! We must fly!
Gabrielle:

Fly we must. Of course, of course,
But how much longer til I'm off this horse!
Xena:



The village Trebor, we're not too late
But the danger here is far too great!
Wait in the country, I'll be quick.
I'll tear apart this Callisto chick!
Gabrielle:

OK I'll wait, but don't be long.
I think I hear Joxer singing a song!
Callisto:

Bloodshed, pain, fear and sufferin'.
Come fall you'll all be turkey stuffin'.
Xena:
So you're Callisto, what's your gripe?
Callisto:
You made me mean and full of strife!
Xena:

Run, all of you! Don't stop to toil.
Callisto will make your town turmoil.
Gabrielle:

I can wait no more. No more, no more!
I'm going to help her with this chore.
Joxer:

Fear not Gabrielle, you'll be safe with me.
We'll never wind up hanging from a tree!
Xena:
Yaaaaaa! Yaaaaaa! Li-li-li-liiiii!
Callisto:


You're good, you're good, now let me see...
Now I know how to ring your bell.
I've got your precious Gabrielle!


*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
Xena:
Not wise Callisto to tie her to a stake.
Gabrielle:
May I suggest a course to take?
Callisto:
No way!
Xena:
No way!
Callisto:

Your time is up. Men, light the fire!
Xena, no thank-you for this funeral pyre?
Joxer:
How much longer til we die?
Gabrielle:

Shut up Joxer! We won't die.
Not as long as Xena can move her eye-
Xena:

brow-beaten Callisto, I'll never be.
I have a little trick up my sleeve.
Callisto:
Aaaaaaahhhhhh!
Xena:

So sorry Callisto, you should watch where you stand.
You're sinking fast and deep into quicksand!
Joxer:

Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
Villager:

Xena, Xena! Thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our town, and such.
Xena:

Don't mention it, we'll be on our way
Your village is safe yet another day.
Gabrielle:

My friend, you're great. I have to say,
I would not have you any other way.
Xena:

I'm hungry now, yes I am,
Let's have green eggs and ham, oh man!
Gabrielle:

Xena! We cannot cook green eggs and ham,
We haven't got a frying pan!
THE END

DISCLAIMER: The author was not harmed during the creation of this epic tale. One math assignment, however, was sacrificed. Sorry teach!


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