Coming Out

COMING OUT

by Joanna
JSandsmark@aol.com

Editor's Note: Please don't have any liquid near your keyboard for this. Tom's Fan Fiction Page will not accept responsibility for any damage to keyboards.

Disclaimer: There is mention of a relationship between two women. If you are offended by this please read another story.

EXT. GABRIELLE'S HOUSE - DAY

Xena and Gabrielle stand outside the bard's childhood home in
Poteidaia. Gabrielle looks nervous.

GABRIELLE
Okay. Now, let's go over the rules
one more time.

XENA
Not again!

GABRIELLE
C'mon, this is important.

XENA
Gabrielle, I know the rules. No fire
breathing, no mentioning my many skills,
no chakram demonstrations in the
house, no scary warlord stuff, and
absolutely no cutting off the flow
of blood to anyone's brain.

GABRIELLE
Right. And no letting on that we're
anything but best friends.

XENA
Uh huh, though I still don't understand
that one. We do live in Greece, y'know.

GABRIELLE
Yeah, but I want to tell them in my
own way. They're still mourning the
whole Perdicus thing.

XENA
You over that?

GABRIELLE
Way.

XENA
No more "I sing a song of--"

GABRIELLE
Gak! No, and I'm so sorry I ever wrote
that tripe.

XENA
No worries.

GABRIELLE
Thanks.
(beat)
Okay, let's go in.

Gabrielle takes a big breath and opens the front door.

CUT
TO:

INT. GABRIELLE'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Her parents, her sister Lila and half the neighbors are there.
They're all beaming a welcome and a big banner says "WELCOME
HOME, GABRIELLE" in large letters. Everyone cheers then they begin to speak
in unison, in the fine tradition of Greek choruses.

ALL
I sing a song of Perdicus. The boy I
knew, the man I loved--

GABRIELLE
(waving to them to stop)
Thank you! Thank you very much, but
I'd, uh, just as soon not be reminded
right now...

Gabrielle's mom rushes forward, giving her daughter a bear hug.

MOM
Aww, Chimpycheeks, losing Perdycakes
was so hard for you, wasn't it?

XENA
(sotto voce to Gabrielle)
Chimpycheeks?

GABRIELLE
Long story.

XENA
Uh huh. Bet it's not in any of those
scrolls of yours, either.

Gabrielle glares at Xena as her Mom's hug deepens, squeezing
the breath out of the tiny bard.

GABRIELLE
Mom... Mom... can't... breathe... must...
escape... hug...

MOM
You are way too skinny. Don't you
girls ever eat?

Xena rolls her eyes and walks toward Gabrielle's father,
who is vacillating between beaming at his little girl and
glaring at the warrior.

XENA
(to Dad)
You got something to say to me?

DAD
Get out of town, Zina. We don't want
your kind here.

XENA
It's Xena.

DAD
That's what I said.

XENA
I know, but I can tell you'd spell it
wrong if you wrote it.

Gabrielle walks over to her father, dragging her mother who
is still clinging to her.

GABRIELLE
Hi Daddy.

DAD
Hey, Little Squirrel. How's my princess?

GABRIELLE
I'm a queen now.

The villagers, all aligned in a neat row, sing as a Greek chorus.

CHORUS
She's a queen! A queen! Not a princess
but a queen! Wherever have you been?

DAD
(to chorus)
I heard her. I've got ears, don't I?

CHORUS
He has ears! Has ears! Very large ears
which stick out of his head like two
shovels made of lead!

XENA
(conversationally)
Nice neighbors.

DAD
(ignoring Xena, to Gabrielle)
So how's my little girl?

GABRIELLE
Great, Daddy. I've been having adventures
like you wouldn't believe, been working
on my bardly skills, doing a lot of traveling...

DAD
Have you met any nice boys? You know,
it's time to start thinking about getting
married again. Looks like Perdicus might
actually stay dead, and you aren't getting
any younger.

GABRIELLE
For awhile it almost seemed like I met a
new boy every week, but they all up and
died on me. So I'm sorta laying low for
a bit.

DAD
(glaring at Xena)
Did you have anything to do with that?

XENA
Other than praying a lot, no.

CHORUS
She prayed to mighty Zeus! That the boys
their lives they'd lose! She gave them all
a hex! So that she could get some--

XENA
(to chorus, menacingly)
Watch it!

CHORUS
-- subtex... t!

XENA
(to chorus)
Not all that talented at this rhyming thing,
are you?

CHORUS
We suck! We suck! If you want poetry you're
outta luck!

MOM
(to Gabrielle)
C'mon, Sunshine, let's get some vittles
in you. We slaughtered the fatted lamb
just for you, Petutie Pie.

LILA
(grumbling)
Sure, every time I asked for fatted lamb
it was "No, Lila, we're saving it for a
special occasion!"

XENA
Oh, I forgot you were in this scene.
Hi, Lila.

LILA
Hi, Xena. Are you doing it with my sister?

CHORUS
All ears turn to listen now! As the warrior
chooses her words! If the answer's 'yes'
Dad'll have a cow! If it's 'no' it'll appease
the nerds!

GABRIELLE
The nerds?

CHORUS
We suck! We suck! If you want poetry
you're outta luck!

GABRIELLE
Sorry. I forgot.

LILA
So? Xena? You gonna answer my question?

XENA
Define 'doing it.'
(beat)
In detail.

GABRIELLE
Okay! Change of subject. Mom, you
mentioned a fatted lamb?

Mom is still clinging to Gabrielle and smiles mistily.

MOM
I'll go see if it's ready.

Mom starts toward the kitchen, dragging Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
Uh... Mom? Couldja let go for a sec?

MOM
Do I have to?

GABRIELLE
It would make breathing easier.

MOM
Anything for you, Honeybear.

Reluctantly, Mom lets go and exits. Gabrielle takes a deep
breath, though her stomach still appears as though she is
sucking it in to show off her abs.

DAD
C'mere, Sugarplum.

Gabrielle gets a hug from Dad.

CHORUS
Tell him! Tell him! Tell him about you
and Xena! Courage! Courage! He loves you
and isn't mean... ah!

DAD
Tell me what, Fuzzywuzzy?

GABRIELLE
What ever happened to the days when the
chorus wasn't audible to the players?

XENA
Why am I even in this scene? I haven't talked
for pages.

LILA
You and me both, babe.

GABRIELLE
Daddy... I have something to tell you...

DAD
So I gathered. What is it, Candycane?

Suddenly, Gabrielle notices that the corner of the room
houses a huge drawing of Perdicus, surrounded by candles,
fresh fruit and various shiny objects.

GABRIELLE
(indicating)
What is that?

DAD
Our Perdicus shrine. Everyone in Poteidaia
has one, only ours is the biggest.

CHORUS
I sing a song of Perdicus! The boy I knew,
the man I loved!

XENA
So, Lila, want to see how my chakram
works?

LILA
Cool!

Xena readies to throw her chakram.

GABRIELLE
Xena, you promised!

XENA
(putting chakram away reluctantly)
I'm bored.

GABRIELLE
I'm about to tell my dad that you and I
are lovers and you're *bored*!?!

XENA
Did you mean to say that out loud?

CHORUS
She's out! She's out! So that's what this's
about! She's gay! She's gay! What's her
Daddy gonna say?!

For long moments, Dad just stares at Gabrielle. He glances
over at Xena who looks ready to slice anyone in two who'd
even dare to hurt Gabrielle. Slowly, he walks over to the
warrior. They stare eye to eye, sizing each other up.

DAD
(suddenly grinning)
Welcome to the family, Xena!

Dad hugs Xena, warmly. Gabrielle heaves a sigh of relief.

CHORUS
Love is a many splendored thing! Be it love
twixt daughter and dad or what a warrior
can bring!

Gabrielle runs over and joins the hug.

DAD
Lila! Take down that blasted Perdicus
shrine! Thank the gods we can get rid of
that eyesore.

LILA
Will do, Daddy.

DAD
(to Xena)
So... I hear you have medical skills. I've
always hoped my little girl might marry
a healer...

CHORUS
She has many skills! All good for lots
of thrills!

Gabrielle glares at Xena.

XENA
(innocently, pointing at chorus)
They said it, not me.

GABRIELLE
Oh, right.

Mom enters with a huge platter of Fatted Lamb Almondine.

MOM
C'mon all -- supper!

DAD
Hey honey! Guess what? Our little girl
is engaged!

MOM
(very excited)
Who's the lucky fella?

DAD
Xena!

MOM
Oh how lovely!
(getting teary-eyed)
My little baby -- engaged!

Mom smothers Gabrielle in another hug.

XENA
Did we say anything about being engaged?

DAD
(glaring)
I *assumed* your intentions were
honorable.

XENA
Well... yeah, they are, but I wanted to pick
the right time.

Gabrielle extricates herself from Mom and stands before
Xena, her eyes wide.

GABRIELLE
Oh Xena! Does this mean...?

XENA
Yeah. Willya?

GABRIELLE
Oh yes!

They embrace.

CHORUS
Why do birds suddenly appear? Every time
you are near? Just like me, they long to be,
close to you...

Lila is in the corner punching holes in the Perdicus drawing,
Xena and Gabrielle continue to hug each other and Mom and
Dad look on proudly.

DAD
Looks like we're going to have to get another
fatted lamb, dear.

MOM
Good thing they're on sale this week.
(re: Xena and Gabrielle)
Oh! don't they make an adorable couple!

XENA
See? I told you everything would work
out okay.

GABRIELLE
Yeah, you did. Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I
doubted you.

CHORUS
I love a happy ending! A family that is
blending! Xena and Gabrielle will soon
hear a wedding bell!

MOM
Xena, why don't you carve?

Xena unsheathes her sword, twirls it several times, then
begins slicing the lamb.

CHORUS
Pass the mint jelly! There's a rumbling
in my belly! Fatted lamb's my favorite
dish! It's yummy and delish!

XENA
(to chorus)
You guys are really starting to annoy me.

CHORUS
We're sorry, but we're starving! Please hurry
with your carving!

Xena takes a long drink from her wine then picks up a candle.

GABRIELLE
No! C'mon, Xena, you promised!

CHORUS
We're gonna die! And that's no lie! Unless
the bard can save our lard!

XENA
(to Gabrielle, swallowing)
Anything for you, Chimpycheeks.

GABRIELLE
(to chorus)
'Save our lard?' Maybe I shouldn't have
stopped her...

CHORUS
We suck! We suck! If you want poetry you're
outta luck!

DAD
So, Xena, tell me about your financial
portfolio. And do either of you plan on
being artificially inseminated? I've
always wanted grandkids.

MOM
Xena, you aren't planning to wear leather
to the wedding are you?

DAD
About this whole warlord thing, what's
up with that?

MOM
Gabrielle, we simply must talk seating
charts.

DAD
Have you bought her a ring?

MOM
We're going to need invitations, a caterer,
flowers, rent a hall -- oh, there's so much
to do!

DAD
Are you into sports, Xena? I've always
wanted my daughter's mate to be into sports,
like me. We could go to the games together.

MOM
I heard that the cottage two doors down
is up for sale!! We could be neighbors!

CHORUS
(their mouths full of lamb)
Uh-oh 'irls! 'ere 'omes drouble! 'edder 'eave --
on th' double!

Off Xena and Gabrielle's pained expressions we:

FADE OUT:

THE END

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